4. I know you are bad with you journal/blog, but I need to know your feelings, thoughts, fantasies and dreams. We have both lost touch with each other, and we need to get that back.


Here goes nothing My Sir...

I'm scared, I know you're angry about today but I am still scared. I am afraid that I can't be as open or honest with you as I want to be becuase you will get angry with me. I understand that you're angry, and that you are not under the most ideal of circumstances for any type of serious conversation, but it doesn't leave the door open very far for me to feel that I can open up about things without some sense of backlash.
I've been doing alot of thinking today.I had never been able to quite see it this way until I spoke with someone about it. Even you said that nothing I said made sense. And When this phrase came out it makes a ton more sense to me. It isn't that I am snooping to find something- but rather I'm afraid that I'm going to lose you and I'm just looking for proof that I am wrong. And yes, that leads into everything im doing making you feel like im checking up on you , and yes that nothing is getting through my head. I'm just so scared and it hurts.

I am trying to figure out what will help me understand that I'm not going to loose you. that is going to take sometime but Its something I want to focus on for now.
Alright back to my original intent of writing this. What I am feeling is thus-

-pain
-fear
-confusion
-heartache
-insecurity
-unstable


I don't like the way I feel right now, but I'm trying to work past them but thats going to take some time too... jsut like it will for yout o not be angry with me anymore...