Today has been a pretty big day. I had an intereview for a job today, and it didn't go well, for the sole reason that the job I applied for could give me 25 hours one week and 5 the next. Not exactly cool, and the pay is only 8.25 an hour. making $40 a week is totally not what I am looking for. At all.
The other big thing I did today was i think I found the perfect bronco for my Sir. Its in pretty good shape, the wheel wells are a little rusty, and the tailgate too, but it is in good condition. A bunch of stuff was jsut redone, but the glass on the front of the truck needs to be replaced There is a crack in the windshield. And there are a few comsetic things, and the passegner side door doesn't open from the outside, and the window doesn't roll down. Oh and the leaf spring, but its really a nice car.
And the best part is that the guy said he would take a deposit and write up something an agreement for the deposit and the truck. I'm pretty excited about it. I think I might have the car I promised for my Sir. It runs, and its the bronco that he wanted. I will be totally excited if I can make this happen. I just need to have someone come with me on sunday, someone who knows about trucks and stuff, and give it a test drive. I'm reallly really excited.
The other thing I thought about today, was how much I like dressing up for my Sir, looking pretty, dressing in something I normally wouldn't. Like the day years ago that I waited for him in the hallway all in leather and those sky high boots... The camisk and kirtle I've made to wear just for my Sir. I enjoy wearing my corsets becuase I know how much pleasure he gets from seeing me in them.
To me there was nothing more erotic, more pleasureable more exciting to me than when I was able to... show off on webcam for Him. I want that feeling I enjoy that feeling deep down inside of me, and everytime I think about it I can't wait for the next time.
I love my Sir, and nothing is going to stop me from pleasing him when he comes home. Even if that means sitting in a corner with a book for four hours.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A little concerned...
The last few days have me a bit on the worried side. My Sir has been overly stressed and anxious. I can't forget exhausted, extremely exhausted. But there is something in the back of my head ringing a tiny little bell going, it feels like something else is bothering him.
I have been doing my best to not think of any and all different reasons that it could be that is not right. I am trying to keep myself from worrying, because I don't want to freak myself out. I am not going to worry about something that is out of my control. He's upset, and as far as I know there isn't much that I can do about it right now.
My Sir and I need to just get through the next week or two and then see where things go, I really don't want things to get out of hand. I just want my Sir home, and in his chair so that I can sit at his feet. Soon, and that is all I have to focus on. My Sir is coming home, to me, to us....
♥Always♥
your wench
I have been doing my best to not think of any and all different reasons that it could be that is not right. I am trying to keep myself from worrying, because I don't want to freak myself out. I am not going to worry about something that is out of my control. He's upset, and as far as I know there isn't much that I can do about it right now.
My Sir and I need to just get through the next week or two and then see where things go, I really don't want things to get out of hand. I just want my Sir home, and in his chair so that I can sit at his feet. Soon, and that is all I have to focus on. My Sir is coming home, to me, to us....
♥Always♥
your wench
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
more thoughts from tuesday
I was just going to write about this later, but since I'm a bit peeved at the dog now for having another accident on the bed as I was putting on a shirt to take him outside...
Thats besides the point. What I didn't write about earlier was this morning. It was my friends father's funeral. Typically I don't do well at funerals I turn into a blubbering mess and its jsut not pretty at all. I was sitting in one of the back rows, alone, but I had my Sir's dogtags in my pocket. Today's service didn't bother me as much as they usually do.
It was a beautiful service, and it was VERY muscally oriented. Live trumpet playing- a Gospel rock band. Aside from the fact that I got to sick and these were HEAVILY enriched tunes that usually make my face turn green, I was just enjoying the songs, getting to sing and finding the harmonies. The service focused on her father's love- for his family, for his music, and for his beliefs.
Then the pastor had his many chances to open his mouth... There are free bibles when you leave, you can take one as long as you promise to read it. We should all strive to be like her father and live the way of God. And my best part was the 10 minutes of, why you should be a Christian and the prayer that followed to rededicate yourself to God if you so felt the urge.
I then went to the cemetary and that is where I finally met up with my friend and her fiance's parents. Her fiance is overseas with my Husband. The first words out of his fathers mouth are," We are comforted by the Lord God aren't we?" Its very difficult for me, but I nodded my head and agreed with him. The majority of the talk later that day also wa mostly about God, and religion. I felt that at a funeral service was not the time to reassert myself as a non-christian.
What I was not expecting was his parents to turn to me andask if my Sir has told me any of the stories that Nate has told them, and what I've heard. As of this afternoon I know of ( in the words of Achmed the dead terrorist) a premature detonation, body clean up, and one more I am not desiring to mention for obvious reasons. I am not overly upset that I ahve heard about them. The situation is terrible right now, but at some point I do want to know what has happened. Though I will feel much better hearing them when he is on US soil again...
One day at a time, I just want my Sir home so that we can just be together and work things out together again. I love my Sir...
♥Always♥
Your wench
Thats besides the point. What I didn't write about earlier was this morning. It was my friends father's funeral. Typically I don't do well at funerals I turn into a blubbering mess and its jsut not pretty at all. I was sitting in one of the back rows, alone, but I had my Sir's dogtags in my pocket. Today's service didn't bother me as much as they usually do.
It was a beautiful service, and it was VERY muscally oriented. Live trumpet playing- a Gospel rock band. Aside from the fact that I got to sick and these were HEAVILY enriched tunes that usually make my face turn green, I was just enjoying the songs, getting to sing and finding the harmonies. The service focused on her father's love- for his family, for his music, and for his beliefs.
Then the pastor had his many chances to open his mouth... There are free bibles when you leave, you can take one as long as you promise to read it. We should all strive to be like her father and live the way of God. And my best part was the 10 minutes of, why you should be a Christian and the prayer that followed to rededicate yourself to God if you so felt the urge.
I then went to the cemetary and that is where I finally met up with my friend and her fiance's parents. Her fiance is overseas with my Husband. The first words out of his fathers mouth are," We are comforted by the Lord God aren't we?" Its very difficult for me, but I nodded my head and agreed with him. The majority of the talk later that day also wa mostly about God, and religion. I felt that at a funeral service was not the time to reassert myself as a non-christian.
What I was not expecting was his parents to turn to me andask if my Sir has told me any of the stories that Nate has told them, and what I've heard. As of this afternoon I know of ( in the words of Achmed the dead terrorist) a premature detonation, body clean up, and one more I am not desiring to mention for obvious reasons. I am not overly upset that I ahve heard about them. The situation is terrible right now, but at some point I do want to know what has happened. Though I will feel much better hearing them when he is on US soil again...
One day at a time, I just want my Sir home so that we can just be together and work things out together again. I love my Sir...
♥Always♥
Your wench
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Breakthrough!
My luck may finally be changing! I have in the process of setting up a time to meet with someone to be their Math tutor! IT will be part time hours I know, but It will be $15 an hour. *crosses fingers* Here's hoping that this is the small break I need to get my flow back.
Speaking of getting things back, I have a confession to make.
For the last two weeks and a little bit I've not been taking my zoloft like I am supposed to. Part of my issues with sleeping during the last week or so have been because I'm "phasing down" without the seratonin in my body. But instead of getting uber depressed like I used to and get all mopey- Now I just getting tired, and my body is calling sleepy time.
I got called on it last night, and with the extra stress that I am feeling it is even more necessary for me to not skip in it. So I am no longer going to slack on taking my pill. I am going to make sure that I am taking care of myself in all ways, even if I think that I am fine without them. The truth is that I am not yet. I still need them, at least until I am properly weaned from them.
Yes I did something stupid- but I am fixing it.
I love you my Sir, and I think you will be online soon. I'm hoping that maybe tonight you will be in a better mood. I love you and I hate seeing you upset.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Speaking of getting things back, I have a confession to make.
For the last two weeks and a little bit I've not been taking my zoloft like I am supposed to. Part of my issues with sleeping during the last week or so have been because I'm "phasing down" without the seratonin in my body. But instead of getting uber depressed like I used to and get all mopey- Now I just getting tired, and my body is calling sleepy time.
I got called on it last night, and with the extra stress that I am feeling it is even more necessary for me to not skip in it. So I am no longer going to slack on taking my pill. I am going to make sure that I am taking care of myself in all ways, even if I think that I am fine without them. The truth is that I am not yet. I still need them, at least until I am properly weaned from them.
Yes I did something stupid- but I am fixing it.
I love you my Sir, and I think you will be online soon. I'm hoping that maybe tonight you will be in a better mood. I love you and I hate seeing you upset.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Monday, October 25, 2010
Mixed up Monday
Today has been exactly that. I've been very mixed up.
The last two days have left me feeling like I'm standing in a whirlwind. I know that the majority of what is going on now is a combination of the stress that my Sir has over there, and the stress of coming home, in addition to what is actually going on over there.
I sought out some advice from Vonn yesterday, becuase I was utterly at a loss. My Sir's concern was if he needed letters of reccommendation for the application. He was irritated because I had left the application in the car. I was able to answer his question, which is what I thought was the importnat piece, what he wanted. But yet He was upset with me becuase I didn't have it in the house, and I really couldn't figure out where the hell I had messed up. When I spoke with Vonn, it was her guess that I should have been more anticipatory and had it in the house.
I can't say I've ever been overly anticipatory in that form, and I am still a bit confused. I hadn't brought the application in becuase I had a few bags to grab and I didn't want to mangle it, so I left it on the back seat. I hadn't realized that it would be that large of an issue that I didn't bring it in. To an extent I still don't understand it, but its the anticipatory thing that has me more than a little thoughtful. What exactly amd I supposed to be anticipating, I still have a fair amount of time to get things done. Does my Sir want to micromanage me quite that detailed?
Or is it more of a control issue- what has him feeling so out of control that suddenly he's bearing down on me so hard? What is the external factor that is going on? Or does He believe that I am getting better and is trying to puch my boundaries and expects more of me? There are many questions and not all of them can be answered right now.
The other thing that has me a bit out of sorts is the money issues. I nickle and dime alot, I have no excuse, looking back I did spend alot of money. Not all of it was frivolous we have alot fo back debt taken care of that isn't going to follow us anymore. The most important thing to me is that when he gets home he has time to relax and readjust. I know that we can, I am not sure if he believes it just yet, but I can only hope.
I know that he is upset with himself- we wouldn't be in this mess if he had stuck with his original plan. I can't stop him from being upset with himself as much as He can tell me to turn off that switch. At the same time had that happened- when I lost my job, I would have been up a creek without a paddle. I don't think he would have wanted that either.
Since my Sir came home I have felt an insane amount more "normal" more like myself, I'm me again. If you aske me what was going on with me a year agao, the only thing I could tell you is that we were getting things back together, and He was getting ready to leave. I was still hidden hiding and an empty shell of anyone. I could say the same for the majority of my Sir's deployment save when I got to see him in February, and conversations here and there.
Its only gotten better since I have starting going out and getting involved more. I broke through the shell that was there, I am feeling so much stronger in myself and in us. What I hadn't realized was that part of me going out and being more involved was that I was nickle and diming left and right and I wasn't noticing it.
In the last week, I have done what I can to knock it back several notches. I don't have to spend money to go out and have a good time with my friends.I've gotten into the habit of " wine and needle Sunday's" WE have a potluck dinner and relax and have a good time. There is nothing else needed and its for all intents a cheap event. It is something that I want to continue.
I know that my Sir and I can live, not survive without him having to go back to work. Something has to finally give, I have to get a job, something has to break and someone has to be willing to hire me. I'm SO fucking tired of not getting a call, after an interview, or anything... *sighs* But I can't get down on myself I have bigger things to worry about. My Sir.
I feel alive again, its been far too long since I have. I've been hidden for too long, self hermiting. Things have gotten better and I refuse to go backwards. I refuse to slide back down a hill becuase there's some trouble heading our way. I am going to stay strong, I am going to be myself and I am GOING to be here with my Husband, my Sir, to support him, and us. We are going to make it through this, and we're going to do it together.
At the end of this journal I don't feel as mixed up anymore. Yes I have questions, but I know that I feel much more solid and secure. Maybe a little tipsy, but I willbe just fine. my Sir will be fine, we will be fine. Its another bump along our road together. We will get there, together and stronger.
I love you my Sir
The last two days have left me feeling like I'm standing in a whirlwind. I know that the majority of what is going on now is a combination of the stress that my Sir has over there, and the stress of coming home, in addition to what is actually going on over there.
I sought out some advice from Vonn yesterday, becuase I was utterly at a loss. My Sir's concern was if he needed letters of reccommendation for the application. He was irritated because I had left the application in the car. I was able to answer his question, which is what I thought was the importnat piece, what he wanted. But yet He was upset with me becuase I didn't have it in the house, and I really couldn't figure out where the hell I had messed up. When I spoke with Vonn, it was her guess that I should have been more anticipatory and had it in the house.
I can't say I've ever been overly anticipatory in that form, and I am still a bit confused. I hadn't brought the application in becuase I had a few bags to grab and I didn't want to mangle it, so I left it on the back seat. I hadn't realized that it would be that large of an issue that I didn't bring it in. To an extent I still don't understand it, but its the anticipatory thing that has me more than a little thoughtful. What exactly amd I supposed to be anticipating, I still have a fair amount of time to get things done. Does my Sir want to micromanage me quite that detailed?
Or is it more of a control issue- what has him feeling so out of control that suddenly he's bearing down on me so hard? What is the external factor that is going on? Or does He believe that I am getting better and is trying to puch my boundaries and expects more of me? There are many questions and not all of them can be answered right now.
The other thing that has me a bit out of sorts is the money issues. I nickle and dime alot, I have no excuse, looking back I did spend alot of money. Not all of it was frivolous we have alot fo back debt taken care of that isn't going to follow us anymore. The most important thing to me is that when he gets home he has time to relax and readjust. I know that we can, I am not sure if he believes it just yet, but I can only hope.
I know that he is upset with himself- we wouldn't be in this mess if he had stuck with his original plan. I can't stop him from being upset with himself as much as He can tell me to turn off that switch. At the same time had that happened- when I lost my job, I would have been up a creek without a paddle. I don't think he would have wanted that either.
Since my Sir came home I have felt an insane amount more "normal" more like myself, I'm me again. If you aske me what was going on with me a year agao, the only thing I could tell you is that we were getting things back together, and He was getting ready to leave. I was still hidden hiding and an empty shell of anyone. I could say the same for the majority of my Sir's deployment save when I got to see him in February, and conversations here and there.
Its only gotten better since I have starting going out and getting involved more. I broke through the shell that was there, I am feeling so much stronger in myself and in us. What I hadn't realized was that part of me going out and being more involved was that I was nickle and diming left and right and I wasn't noticing it.
In the last week, I have done what I can to knock it back several notches. I don't have to spend money to go out and have a good time with my friends.I've gotten into the habit of " wine and needle Sunday's" WE have a potluck dinner and relax and have a good time. There is nothing else needed and its for all intents a cheap event. It is something that I want to continue.
I know that my Sir and I can live, not survive without him having to go back to work. Something has to finally give, I have to get a job, something has to break and someone has to be willing to hire me. I'm SO fucking tired of not getting a call, after an interview, or anything... *sighs* But I can't get down on myself I have bigger things to worry about. My Sir.
I feel alive again, its been far too long since I have. I've been hidden for too long, self hermiting. Things have gotten better and I refuse to go backwards. I refuse to slide back down a hill becuase there's some trouble heading our way. I am going to stay strong, I am going to be myself and I am GOING to be here with my Husband, my Sir, to support him, and us. We are going to make it through this, and we're going to do it together.
At the end of this journal I don't feel as mixed up anymore. Yes I have questions, but I know that I feel much more solid and secure. Maybe a little tipsy, but I willbe just fine. my Sir will be fine, we will be fine. Its another bump along our road together. We will get there, together and stronger.
I love you my Sir
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Speechless
Weekend recap-
Saturday, I got alot of errands done, and things I need to finish and loose ends I need to secure for several projects I wanted to complete by when my Sir gets home. I then spent the afternoon getting ready to go out to the Space for the night. When I went to the space last night, there was a class on Edge play and knife play.
My notes from the class are as follows-
A Mind fuck is just the presnce and manipulation of mind states and altered mind states. One takes assumptions of what is considered normal and stretches, changes and manipulates what is percived to a new state of mind. You can use tools of control, assumed responsibilities, ownership and daily routine.
Participating in Mind fucks, or creating them requires a certain awareness of your partner, their triggers, states and emotional pools. It can help develop and strengthen trust. "The word fucking makes EVERYTHING better"
Knives, and blade play and such is a matter of motion control balance and symbiance.
I had a wonderful time at that point after- relaxing, watching someone pop their needle cherry, and their suspension cherry, and I just hung out with people. Freaky and I did some light playing, becuase it is important to me and my Sir that I remain unmarked until he gets back home. Dinner at Denny's went much smoother last night too.
However when you come to today...
This morning down right sucked camel spiders. I don't know what the hell the sudden problem is, if it is something going on over there, or what the issue is itself. I don't even know what to say. I've been left extremely confused for the majority of the day, but did make sure not to be "mopey." It is however 1045, and I have yet to play, not for any other reason than we've been relaxed and laid back for the majority of the day, and Footstool came over, so Freaky was having fun with him.
I know that things are crazy over there and you still have a job to do, and I am not trying to impede that. Its just really difficult to know what is going on in your head with this distance between us. I cannot read your mind, as much as I would love to right now. I ask questions, and I get answer and for some reason there seems to be some sort of confusion between what is being said.
I really have no clue what to do. I need direction, and I know that with where you are at, you have bigger things to worry about than me. I want you to come home to me, and in one piece too. I have found friendship, guidance, fun, and compainionship in Freaky and Audra and Ben. It is something that I cannot replace with anyone, nor can it replace anything that I already have.
It is hard on me because given my past in our relationship I am concerned with making sure that I don't fuck up. I am extremely caustious, and trying to relax and enjoy myself. Every and anytime that I do anything occurs- Its not jsut me, and its not just me playing with Freaky- (I do NOT play with anyone and everyone, I am extremely selective with whom I give out my trust, and your trust with me. And Freaky is the only one that has it.) To me, its us. You may not be there, but for me you are there.
No matter when you get back, or when I am "no longer playing" or anything, I am still going to be hungry and eager for you. It doesn't matter to me. I should say that I don't think how your desire for me to stop playing and have me eager for you didn't come across. They way I saw it was that you didn't want me getting brusied. " you were going to say something and I had to listen." It came across to me as more of a I don't know her, I don't want her brusing you, you're mine. So stop" That would be why I asked if I could play and not get bruised.
I've felt amazingly more like me since I've come out of my shell and back into the "scene." That was why I asked if I could still play as long as I didn't get bruised. You nodded in the IM I thought that you meant I could still play without being bruised. That would be why I asked, because I was trying to clarify. That was why I was so upset when you were irritated with me.
There is one thing that you should now. You said... "Wayne (10/24/2010 2:33:49 PM): Did it ever occur to you that I wanted you to stop so that maybe you would be more suceptible? That you would be sensitve? That I wanted you needy?" No, it didn't thats not how you presented it. On occasion I need to be slapped with something upside the head like that. I can't read your mind. Had you been totally blunt and said," I don't want you playing anymore, becuase I want you to simmer until I get home." I would have been boiling... near instantly. That would have lit a fire that you couldn't believe. That is the sort of thing I need to hear more often- otherwise I don't know whats going on in your head, or what you're thinking. Not knowing what you are thinking just makes things so much harder on me.
Alright- I am sure that not much of this makes sense, and I am hoping that nothing has come out wrong, but please talk to me about it. Please... I do however need to get going, I have company over and I don't want to be rude for too long.
I love you my Sir.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Saturday, I got alot of errands done, and things I need to finish and loose ends I need to secure for several projects I wanted to complete by when my Sir gets home. I then spent the afternoon getting ready to go out to the Space for the night. When I went to the space last night, there was a class on Edge play and knife play.
My notes from the class are as follows-
A Mind fuck is just the presnce and manipulation of mind states and altered mind states. One takes assumptions of what is considered normal and stretches, changes and manipulates what is percived to a new state of mind. You can use tools of control, assumed responsibilities, ownership and daily routine.
Participating in Mind fucks, or creating them requires a certain awareness of your partner, their triggers, states and emotional pools. It can help develop and strengthen trust. "The word fucking makes EVERYTHING better"
Knives, and blade play and such is a matter of motion control balance and symbiance.
I had a wonderful time at that point after- relaxing, watching someone pop their needle cherry, and their suspension cherry, and I just hung out with people. Freaky and I did some light playing, becuase it is important to me and my Sir that I remain unmarked until he gets back home. Dinner at Denny's went much smoother last night too.
However when you come to today...
This morning down right sucked camel spiders. I don't know what the hell the sudden problem is, if it is something going on over there, or what the issue is itself. I don't even know what to say. I've been left extremely confused for the majority of the day, but did make sure not to be "mopey." It is however 1045, and I have yet to play, not for any other reason than we've been relaxed and laid back for the majority of the day, and Footstool came over, so Freaky was having fun with him.
I know that things are crazy over there and you still have a job to do, and I am not trying to impede that. Its just really difficult to know what is going on in your head with this distance between us. I cannot read your mind, as much as I would love to right now. I ask questions, and I get answer and for some reason there seems to be some sort of confusion between what is being said.
I really have no clue what to do. I need direction, and I know that with where you are at, you have bigger things to worry about than me. I want you to come home to me, and in one piece too. I have found friendship, guidance, fun, and compainionship in Freaky and Audra and Ben. It is something that I cannot replace with anyone, nor can it replace anything that I already have.
It is hard on me because given my past in our relationship I am concerned with making sure that I don't fuck up. I am extremely caustious, and trying to relax and enjoy myself. Every and anytime that I do anything occurs- Its not jsut me, and its not just me playing with Freaky- (I do NOT play with anyone and everyone, I am extremely selective with whom I give out my trust, and your trust with me. And Freaky is the only one that has it.) To me, its us. You may not be there, but for me you are there.
No matter when you get back, or when I am "no longer playing" or anything, I am still going to be hungry and eager for you. It doesn't matter to me. I should say that I don't think how your desire for me to stop playing and have me eager for you didn't come across. They way I saw it was that you didn't want me getting brusied. " you were going to say something and I had to listen." It came across to me as more of a I don't know her, I don't want her brusing you, you're mine. So stop" That would be why I asked if I could play and not get bruised.
I've felt amazingly more like me since I've come out of my shell and back into the "scene." That was why I asked if I could still play as long as I didn't get bruised. You nodded in the IM I thought that you meant I could still play without being bruised. That would be why I asked, because I was trying to clarify. That was why I was so upset when you were irritated with me.
There is one thing that you should now. You said... "Wayne (10/24/2010 2:33:49 PM): Did it ever occur to you that I wanted you to stop so that maybe you would be more suceptible? That you would be sensitve? That I wanted you needy?" No, it didn't thats not how you presented it. On occasion I need to be slapped with something upside the head like that. I can't read your mind. Had you been totally blunt and said," I don't want you playing anymore, becuase I want you to simmer until I get home." I would have been boiling... near instantly. That would have lit a fire that you couldn't believe. That is the sort of thing I need to hear more often- otherwise I don't know whats going on in your head, or what you're thinking. Not knowing what you are thinking just makes things so much harder on me.
Alright- I am sure that not much of this makes sense, and I am hoping that nothing has come out wrong, but please talk to me about it. Please... I do however need to get going, I have company over and I don't want to be rude for too long.
I love you my Sir.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Late night thoughts...
I couldn't sleep... and something told me to pull out one of the books I read years ago. I was skimming through the note I took in the margins, and these few things stood out at me.
Wasted Time is Wasted Passion-- a grateful slave
Stumbling is not a bad thing becuase it teaches where improvement is needed...They are uselful for both Masters and slaves becuase they reveal our weaknesses and can help us grow... Our "failures" define our growing edge. -- a grateful slave
There are several notes I made in the margins that also follow this same venue, but I'd have to put in what sparked it, and my htoughts, and too convoluted for this late at night.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Wasted Time is Wasted Passion-- a grateful slave
Stumbling is not a bad thing becuase it teaches where improvement is needed...They are uselful for both Masters and slaves becuase they reveal our weaknesses and can help us grow... Our "failures" define our growing edge. -- a grateful slave
There are several notes I made in the margins that also follow this same venue, but I'd have to put in what sparked it, and my htoughts, and too convoluted for this late at night.
♥Always♥
Your wench
Its late...
My journal entry for today is late, I've been talking with my Sir for the last few hours, and jogging down memory lane for about an nother more than that.
I'm not supposed to be counting but I am at roughly three weeks until my Sir comes home. I hadn't realized it earlier when it was said, and I'll be entirely honest I wasn't quite myself. One of the top five things that my Sir wants when he gets home is time with me. And so do I. We've wasted alot of time. No one is perfect everyone has their ups and downs, but what matters is that at the end of the day or the rough patch we are still together.
I want time with him too. I want time with my Sir, to get things back to where they should be. I want to know what turns him on, what makes him tick, what he thinks about and all that stuff. Its not something easy to go over, and start to process through given the distance that is now between us.
But in three weeks... It won't be. I can sit at his feet and ask him a million questions, and squirm like the slut I am on one hand, or giggle and fight off his tickling advances. I just want him home. In one instance I want to be able to jsut sit at his feet, and enjoy a quiet supper, and watch a movie or just talk. In another I would like to be tied up and given no quarter of movement. I want to be teased, tortured and used like there is no other woman in the word for him- becuase I know there isn't. And yet at the same time I want to ask him a million questions about everything that I may have lost out on learning becuase of the last few years.
The bottom line and the truth of the matter is that I just want Him. All of him, in any and every form that I can get him, and having to wait another three weeks is while in one hand torturous and painful, its also a drop in the bucket and the final blissful weeks until I am in his arms again.
I want my Sir back damnit... I've waited long enough, the Military jsut needs to give him back already.
♥Always♥
Your wench
His is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I obey.
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?
Becuase He is Master and I am His
I know Its been a rocky road for so long, But I want nothing more than to be better for you, for us...
I love you my Sir, we;ve been apart for too long, and finally we'll be back together.
I'm not supposed to be counting but I am at roughly three weeks until my Sir comes home. I hadn't realized it earlier when it was said, and I'll be entirely honest I wasn't quite myself. One of the top five things that my Sir wants when he gets home is time with me. And so do I. We've wasted alot of time. No one is perfect everyone has their ups and downs, but what matters is that at the end of the day or the rough patch we are still together.
I want time with him too. I want time with my Sir, to get things back to where they should be. I want to know what turns him on, what makes him tick, what he thinks about and all that stuff. Its not something easy to go over, and start to process through given the distance that is now between us.
But in three weeks... It won't be. I can sit at his feet and ask him a million questions, and squirm like the slut I am on one hand, or giggle and fight off his tickling advances. I just want him home. In one instance I want to be able to jsut sit at his feet, and enjoy a quiet supper, and watch a movie or just talk. In another I would like to be tied up and given no quarter of movement. I want to be teased, tortured and used like there is no other woman in the word for him- becuase I know there isn't. And yet at the same time I want to ask him a million questions about everything that I may have lost out on learning becuase of the last few years.
The bottom line and the truth of the matter is that I just want Him. All of him, in any and every form that I can get him, and having to wait another three weeks is while in one hand torturous and painful, its also a drop in the bucket and the final blissful weeks until I am in his arms again.
I want my Sir back damnit... I've waited long enough, the Military jsut needs to give him back already.
♥Always♥
Your wench
His is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I obey.
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?
Becuase He is Master and I am His
I know Its been a rocky road for so long, But I want nothing more than to be better for you, for us...
I love you my Sir, we;ve been apart for too long, and finally we'll be back together.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Major suckage...
Today has just sucked...
I mean alot...
I woke up this morning exhausted as all hell. I could barely keep my eyes open. My alarm went off the first time at 10, and asI looked over at my computer-- my Sir logged out. So I hit the snooze button a few times and figured by tthe time I got up, he's be back.
I was wrong, so I rolled over, grumpy and fell back to sleep. I woke up at noon, and looked a bit too fast at the clock and swore it said 130. Thankfully I was wrong, and it was only noon. I needed to get to walmart to get cyn a collar and grab a few things that I had wanted to pick up- I figured one trip was easiest. So I called Tiff so that should could come with me to help keep the puppy and kitty from each other. It could have been dangerous. Well she wasn't ready, and was still getting ready, and I was late for their vet appointment.
$560 later- the reason why trio has such issues is becuase he's allergic to the fleas, and the more he scratches himself the worse it gets, and his skin was infected. So the puppy is on an antibiotic and a steroid to help get eveything under control. The Cat has the same problem- my parents took such wonderful care of her. So now she too got an antibiotic and steroid shot, but trio has to take his every day for two weeks. They both got their shots and are all caught up.
I brought them home and looked at the list I had compiled of things I had wanted to accomplish today. One of these things was a little bit of the laundry that I still had to finish. Tiffant needed to get her laundry too, so no worries I could take her with me. The blessing to this, is we stop tiffany needs something to eat- alright. She wants to make herself a full on MEAL. And she has to clean her kitchen, AND sort out her laundry. So while I'm trying to tell her she needs to hurry up, shes busy chatting with Josh. *eyerolls*
At the same time im getting phone calls from Jessica- she's busy and needs me to do her a favor and pick up my sister from work. I told her I wasn't going to have time I had errands and things to do, that I couldn't do it. Go to do laundry- the machines are packed... someone literrally had every large dryer and 95% of the medium sized ones. Laundry took alot longer today than it usually does.
Now I'm starving, haven't really eaten at all today, when i get a call from Jessica for the thrid time. She really needs me to go pick up my other sister. so I said fine, whatever, I'll get her, but I have shit I have to do, I'm not sure when I will get there. Tiffany says not to worry about bringing her home- so I went left her and to go getmy sister. twenty minute delay there while everyone is chatting about how mom and dad are moving... and then my aunt says," Well you need to do what your mother says she's your mother." I wanted to lay into her, but felt it was jsut best that I finished my day.
So I came, home, dropped off the laundry walked the puppy and then went to bring her home. And then I get a text from my father, he wants me to pick up some liquor for him. Great, at this point im jsut irritated, hungry and starting to get annoyed as fuck. I bring my sister home, and my dad's not there, so I'm waiting so that I can get my money back for the alcohol. so I'm waitintg around, he shows up= he doens't have any cash... my mother didn't want to tell me that she had money upstairs. She asked why I was waiting, and I told her, I have a party to go to on saturday- I need the cash to get into the party. So I ended up getting my money back.
I'll be honest I like their new place. I want us to find a place like that.
And then my sisters start to argue about the Allie- Jessica's cat becuase she has fleas. Long story short- my mother starts screaming at my sister with the fire in her eyes that shes going to put her through a wall becuase she questioned Jessica. I swear it looked like She was going to kill her, there was no need for that amount of anger to be in her face over what had been said. So I didn't even bother really saying goodbye- I said," on that note, I'm out, have a good night" and left unceremoniously... my father followed me out to move the SUv, but I wasn't really paying attention, I may have sped away a bit fast. Oh fucking well...
I feel like today has become a total wash. It's like what I had wanted to accomplish jsut totally backfired, and I have no energy to even attempt to turn it around this late at night. I really jsut want to curl up on the floor at my Sir's feet and veg before I say something to my family I'm going to regret- but at this time, I really don't fucking care.
I'm going to go kneel for a bit, and if I'm lucky... I might calm down....
♥Always♥
your wench
I mean alot...
I woke up this morning exhausted as all hell. I could barely keep my eyes open. My alarm went off the first time at 10, and asI looked over at my computer-- my Sir logged out. So I hit the snooze button a few times and figured by tthe time I got up, he's be back.
I was wrong, so I rolled over, grumpy and fell back to sleep. I woke up at noon, and looked a bit too fast at the clock and swore it said 130. Thankfully I was wrong, and it was only noon. I needed to get to walmart to get cyn a collar and grab a few things that I had wanted to pick up- I figured one trip was easiest. So I called Tiff so that should could come with me to help keep the puppy and kitty from each other. It could have been dangerous. Well she wasn't ready, and was still getting ready, and I was late for their vet appointment.
$560 later- the reason why trio has such issues is becuase he's allergic to the fleas, and the more he scratches himself the worse it gets, and his skin was infected. So the puppy is on an antibiotic and a steroid to help get eveything under control. The Cat has the same problem- my parents took such wonderful care of her. So now she too got an antibiotic and steroid shot, but trio has to take his every day for two weeks. They both got their shots and are all caught up.
I brought them home and looked at the list I had compiled of things I had wanted to accomplish today. One of these things was a little bit of the laundry that I still had to finish. Tiffant needed to get her laundry too, so no worries I could take her with me. The blessing to this, is we stop tiffany needs something to eat- alright. She wants to make herself a full on MEAL. And she has to clean her kitchen, AND sort out her laundry. So while I'm trying to tell her she needs to hurry up, shes busy chatting with Josh. *eyerolls*
At the same time im getting phone calls from Jessica- she's busy and needs me to do her a favor and pick up my sister from work. I told her I wasn't going to have time I had errands and things to do, that I couldn't do it. Go to do laundry- the machines are packed... someone literrally had every large dryer and 95% of the medium sized ones. Laundry took alot longer today than it usually does.
Now I'm starving, haven't really eaten at all today, when i get a call from Jessica for the thrid time. She really needs me to go pick up my other sister. so I said fine, whatever, I'll get her, but I have shit I have to do, I'm not sure when I will get there. Tiffany says not to worry about bringing her home- so I went left her and to go getmy sister. twenty minute delay there while everyone is chatting about how mom and dad are moving... and then my aunt says," Well you need to do what your mother says she's your mother." I wanted to lay into her, but felt it was jsut best that I finished my day.
So I came, home, dropped off the laundry walked the puppy and then went to bring her home. And then I get a text from my father, he wants me to pick up some liquor for him. Great, at this point im jsut irritated, hungry and starting to get annoyed as fuck. I bring my sister home, and my dad's not there, so I'm waiting so that I can get my money back for the alcohol. so I'm waitintg around, he shows up= he doens't have any cash... my mother didn't want to tell me that she had money upstairs. She asked why I was waiting, and I told her, I have a party to go to on saturday- I need the cash to get into the party. So I ended up getting my money back.
I'll be honest I like their new place. I want us to find a place like that.
And then my sisters start to argue about the Allie- Jessica's cat becuase she has fleas. Long story short- my mother starts screaming at my sister with the fire in her eyes that shes going to put her through a wall becuase she questioned Jessica. I swear it looked like She was going to kill her, there was no need for that amount of anger to be in her face over what had been said. So I didn't even bother really saying goodbye- I said," on that note, I'm out, have a good night" and left unceremoniously... my father followed me out to move the SUv, but I wasn't really paying attention, I may have sped away a bit fast. Oh fucking well...
I feel like today has become a total wash. It's like what I had wanted to accomplish jsut totally backfired, and I have no energy to even attempt to turn it around this late at night. I really jsut want to curl up on the floor at my Sir's feet and veg before I say something to my family I'm going to regret- but at this time, I really don't fucking care.
I'm going to go kneel for a bit, and if I'm lucky... I might calm down....
♥Always♥
your wench
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Trust
Trust is a core value to any relationship- Vanilla or any other flavor.
By definition trust is-
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
Notice that the main words in both definitions is confidence. Confidence is one of the biggest things that I have had an immense amount of trouble with over hte last approximately oh 25 years of my life. Give or take a few, there have been very few times that I have been able to quiet the little voice of doubt in the back of my head. Its been a huge part of who I was, there was always something int he back of my head telling me that I was going to fuck something up, or that it wasn't what I believed it was.
Confidence was not something I had alot of. But over the last I'll say 10 yesrs it has been something that I have steadily been working on. Sometimes its 3 steps forward tw steps back, or a step forward, 3 back, but I was always struggling with it.
I tested my confidence this past weekend, and I made a breakthrough. For me it was huge, and I'm going to continue to push myself because I can, and I will. This was just the beginning of my breakthroughs. I was sitting at dinner last night with Freaky, sitting across the table while we ate thinking about how things are going to be different when my Sir gets home. And I began to think about several things.
I lacked confidence in myself, it also meant that I didn't trust myself, at all. I've made my fair share of mistakes. The biggest one of all occured during the last delpoyment. The fact that I had been drinking was no excuse. I was getting attention from and ended up kissing a guy from the bar. It was something that I wasn't going to hide, and when my Sir came home I told him. There were times over the coming months that I had felt put aside, and I still didn't trust myself.
During the next few years there were mistakes and glitches made on both sides, I was seeking attention that I was getting, and feeling pushed away. I can't begin to attempt to say that I know what was going through his mind but I do know that there were times that He didn't feel that I was much of his submissive any longer. It happens, my husband and I had a very rough road. But at the core of all the issues was my insecurity, my lack of confidence and lack of trust. At the time I was finding reasons for me to rationalize that it wasn't that I didn't trust myself, that it was with him.
My biggest breakthrough is that I have realized that after all this time, I had never truly forgiven myself for what I had done, I was lacking the confidence inmyself to really be able to move on, and trust myself again. Without having confidence in myself I was looking for any reason to see where the fault could be and when/where things were going to go wrong. I had no confidence in myself and loosing confidence in other places, and in my Sir.
That is all changed, I am more confident in myself now, I've tested myself and found myself worthy. I've also seen that I can trust myself again. I don't have to worry about how things are going to go or where and when they are going to break down. I know and I am confident that I can not only trust myself but that I can also trust my relationship, my Owner and my Sir. I have no need to be the insecure person I was before.
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832), Faust
By definition trust is-
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
Notice that the main words in both definitions is confidence. Confidence is one of the biggest things that I have had an immense amount of trouble with over hte last approximately oh 25 years of my life. Give or take a few, there have been very few times that I have been able to quiet the little voice of doubt in the back of my head. Its been a huge part of who I was, there was always something int he back of my head telling me that I was going to fuck something up, or that it wasn't what I believed it was.
Confidence was not something I had alot of. But over the last I'll say 10 yesrs it has been something that I have steadily been working on. Sometimes its 3 steps forward tw steps back, or a step forward, 3 back, but I was always struggling with it.
I tested my confidence this past weekend, and I made a breakthrough. For me it was huge, and I'm going to continue to push myself because I can, and I will. This was just the beginning of my breakthroughs. I was sitting at dinner last night with Freaky, sitting across the table while we ate thinking about how things are going to be different when my Sir gets home. And I began to think about several things.
I lacked confidence in myself, it also meant that I didn't trust myself, at all. I've made my fair share of mistakes. The biggest one of all occured during the last delpoyment. The fact that I had been drinking was no excuse. I was getting attention from and ended up kissing a guy from the bar. It was something that I wasn't going to hide, and when my Sir came home I told him. There were times over the coming months that I had felt put aside, and I still didn't trust myself.
During the next few years there were mistakes and glitches made on both sides, I was seeking attention that I was getting, and feeling pushed away. I can't begin to attempt to say that I know what was going through his mind but I do know that there were times that He didn't feel that I was much of his submissive any longer. It happens, my husband and I had a very rough road. But at the core of all the issues was my insecurity, my lack of confidence and lack of trust. At the time I was finding reasons for me to rationalize that it wasn't that I didn't trust myself, that it was with him.
My biggest breakthrough is that I have realized that after all this time, I had never truly forgiven myself for what I had done, I was lacking the confidence inmyself to really be able to move on, and trust myself again. Without having confidence in myself I was looking for any reason to see where the fault could be and when/where things were going to go wrong. I had no confidence in myself and loosing confidence in other places, and in my Sir.
That is all changed, I am more confident in myself now, I've tested myself and found myself worthy. I've also seen that I can trust myself again. I don't have to worry about how things are going to go or where and when they are going to break down. I know and I am confident that I can not only trust myself but that I can also trust my relationship, my Owner and my Sir. I have no need to be the insecure person I was before.
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832), Faust
I did it
A friend of mine has a quote on her myspace, that is totally evding me at the moment, but the quote is something to the effect of:
He took her to the edge, he told her to fly. She said she was scared, He pushed her and she flew...
I probably butchered that but I swear I did it with the best of intentions.
I've been brought to the same edge over and over. I've brought myself there, my Sir has brought me there, friends have tried to take me there but everytime it happened, I found some way around, avoided, or managed to escape.
I was determined that this time when I got to the edge I wasn't going to back away, I was going jump. It wasn't the easiest getting to the edge, oftentimes I can talk a big game and get myself there, and then I turn around at the last second. This time I walked to the edge, with my friends, and those that I have only recently met, standing behind me, supporting me as I made my way closer.
I had been given a push earlier, but it would still be up to me to actually jump. I had been pushed but I had an out. "Talk to me after you do it, then I might be proud." At first I had been upset- did he not believe me? why not... oh wait I've been here before and found a way out of it.
Not this time.
I arrived at the edge, anxious... a huge crowd nearby watching. More importantly, I had people there watching, waiting to see me jump, ready to jump after me if I started to fall sideways. Even more, there was a direct path, behind me, the door was being left blatantly open this time. I could easily just turn around and walk away.
Before when I was standing in front of myself to stop myself from going over the edge, from jumping. This time I was staring at myself blocking the direct path. I was giving myself no other option. I was jumping.
I went to the Edge...
I took a deep breath...
I took a flying leap over the edge....
I FLEW!
I have tested my confidence, and I have found myself in more control than I thought. I can go topless at a party filled with an insane amount of people. I can stand topless near three twigs in latex, and I'm comfortable. I am me, and I did it. And I'll do it again too :-)
I want to thank all of my friends who supported me through it.
*Bitey and Ben for encouraging me.
*Jacque for calling me C'est Magnifique!
*Bitter for walking past and givng me that grin of YAAAAAAY
*The random people at the dungeon that smiled, glanced or looked my way.
*My Sir for calling me on my shit, and making me realize how easily I try to slip away.
*Freaky for leaving the potential exit blatantly lit and exposed, and at the same time waiting there for me when I jumped.
He took her to the edge, he told her to fly. She said she was scared, He pushed her and she flew...
I probably butchered that but I swear I did it with the best of intentions.
I've been brought to the same edge over and over. I've brought myself there, my Sir has brought me there, friends have tried to take me there but everytime it happened, I found some way around, avoided, or managed to escape.
I was determined that this time when I got to the edge I wasn't going to back away, I was going jump. It wasn't the easiest getting to the edge, oftentimes I can talk a big game and get myself there, and then I turn around at the last second. This time I walked to the edge, with my friends, and those that I have only recently met, standing behind me, supporting me as I made my way closer.
I had been given a push earlier, but it would still be up to me to actually jump. I had been pushed but I had an out. "Talk to me after you do it, then I might be proud." At first I had been upset- did he not believe me? why not... oh wait I've been here before and found a way out of it.
Not this time.
I arrived at the edge, anxious... a huge crowd nearby watching. More importantly, I had people there watching, waiting to see me jump, ready to jump after me if I started to fall sideways. Even more, there was a direct path, behind me, the door was being left blatantly open this time. I could easily just turn around and walk away.
Before when I was standing in front of myself to stop myself from going over the edge, from jumping. This time I was staring at myself blocking the direct path. I was giving myself no other option. I was jumping.
I went to the Edge...
I took a deep breath...
I took a flying leap over the edge....
I FLEW!
I have tested my confidence, and I have found myself in more control than I thought. I can go topless at a party filled with an insane amount of people. I can stand topless near three twigs in latex, and I'm comfortable. I am me, and I did it. And I'll do it again too :-)
I want to thank all of my friends who supported me through it.
*Bitey and Ben for encouraging me.
*Jacque for calling me C'est Magnifique!
*Bitter for walking past and givng me that grin of YAAAAAAY
*The random people at the dungeon that smiled, glanced or looked my way.
*My Sir for calling me on my shit, and making me realize how easily I try to slip away.
*Freaky for leaving the potential exit blatantly lit and exposed, and at the same time waiting there for me when I jumped.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Weekend o fun
Time recap this weekend-
Friday- I spent the night at home, working on a flogger for my Sir. It came out pretty cool. Stayed up late having some heart to heart discussion with my Sir. I am still floored at how far our communication has come, even on the less than easy topics to talk about. My insecurity and such being one of them.
Saturday- So I got permission to skip the conference stuff in the morning- was totally worth skipping it. I spent the morning relaxing and chatting some more with my Sir. Then It was time to go get Freaky to head up for the afternoon classes at the GRUE. We got halfway to hartford, when "Shit the stromboli are still in my car!" Back to Freaky's car to grab the foods. Then, by the time we got to the space.. The Grue was over, and they were closing the space for the three hours between classes and the party. This was not posted anywhere we had looked, so suddenly-- What the hell are we going to do for three hours.
We are women- we went shopping. Freaky and I went tot he buckland mall and wandered around, tried on clothes, and shoes, and made fun of the ridiculousness inside spencers. It was a good time. Then it was time to head back to the space. We got there at quarter of, and went in to get changed. I wore a black shirt/dress thing, with fishnets, leg warmers and a cheap pair of heels. I looked hot. I also had some red ribbon, and a red flower in my hair, Freaky did my make up, it was a good time And I was feeling insanely confident.
Then it was time for the first walk down the middle of the dungeon. I was a little iffy at first, becuase there were alot of people around. However what happened next was not expected. The space was PACKED, ridiculously. Trying to make it to the kitchen to grab a drink, and I had to avoid a woman spinning while suspended, a pair of floggers, and a violet wand. By the time I got back to the front room to bring back soda and check on my hair- I had to avoid the woman suspended with a fucking machine. *whistles* Odd.
The space was packed for the majority of the night. We found a space in the back of the space, in the cafe and relaxed on the couch and hung out. Bitey found a new way to recycle- 2 liter soda bottles as percussive instruments on ben's ass. It was quite fun. We were walking about, avoiding all of the suspensions and other stuff going on, and got distracted by some fire cupping going on. O.O I want to try fire play- but I'm not sure about cupping yet. It was intriguing to see how the skin gets pulled into the cups and the suction, but thats something to try out... not yet though, we can save that for later.
It was after midnight that the crowd finally started to dwindle and the chain web was free, so we commandeered the entire corner by the web. We had some issues with someone else playing on the web in latex, so due to allergies we had to wait until they were done- So I got all tied up in a chest harness- all comfy and tight while we waited. \
And I did it too... I went topless YAAAAAY me. Score one for my confidence. I was quite proud of myself. Still am and will be for a while. Its a whole new feeling. "JAck" Told me that my breasts were "C'est Magnifique" I have fresnch breasts. It made me giggle. It still makes me giggle. It was also one of those nights where instead of like the casino I was focusing on those that were looking at me in a negative light, I was focusing on those that were paying attention to me. And Sir, you were right, people do enjoy it, I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I don't think I will be standing in my way anymore.
When the web was finally ready, I was strung up- the rope from the harness was used to attach me to the hian web. :D it was awesome. We had a good time, I hadn't realized how much fun it could be to play in public, especially when you are confident and not hiding from anything. It was quite a freeing experience. If that makes sense. I will leave the details to share with you later if you would like. But here is some pictures for you:
Then we went to denny's for after party eats, I was pretty hungry. That was big mistake took an hour for the food to get to us, and then my food was last- not that it was even cooked. It was terrible. We are probably never going back. Ever. But our entire meal was comped. Its a trend we aren't happy with- damnit.
I didn't get home until late, like nearly 6am this morning. I slept in untiul 2 ish or so, I needed the rest. I took the pictures this afternoon so that you could see them.
I was kinda miffed at myself becuase I didn't get to see you this morning. And I had slept too late to see you, so I was fairly certain that I wouldn't see you until later tonight. When I saw you this afternoon I was excted, I wanted to tell you about what happened and I wanted you to be proud of me for what I did. It certainly was not expected that you would be in such a bad mood today. Football pool- lack of sleep- I was trying to make you sleep and yet all it amanged to do was a whole lot of not much.
I did however realize this afternoon that just because you are in a bad mood doens't mean that I need to let my mood sink. I was happy, and I still am. Yes you aren't happy, but I cannot assume that it is all my fault and that I did something wrong. I don't need to be unneccesarily down on myself. We're doing dinner tonight, and hanging out at the house until I can talk to you and then go to legends to do some singing. Freaky got some new needles so I wants to try them they are a different gauge so im intreigued.
Time for me to go make some dinner. I love you my Sir.
♥Always♥
your wench
He is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to be obeyed.
He is to be pleased and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?
Becuase He is my Sir and I am his pierced wench.
Friday- I spent the night at home, working on a flogger for my Sir. It came out pretty cool. Stayed up late having some heart to heart discussion with my Sir. I am still floored at how far our communication has come, even on the less than easy topics to talk about. My insecurity and such being one of them.
Saturday- So I got permission to skip the conference stuff in the morning- was totally worth skipping it. I spent the morning relaxing and chatting some more with my Sir. Then It was time to go get Freaky to head up for the afternoon classes at the GRUE. We got halfway to hartford, when "Shit the stromboli are still in my car!" Back to Freaky's car to grab the foods. Then, by the time we got to the space.. The Grue was over, and they were closing the space for the three hours between classes and the party. This was not posted anywhere we had looked, so suddenly-- What the hell are we going to do for three hours.
We are women- we went shopping. Freaky and I went tot he buckland mall and wandered around, tried on clothes, and shoes, and made fun of the ridiculousness inside spencers. It was a good time. Then it was time to head back to the space. We got there at quarter of, and went in to get changed. I wore a black shirt/dress thing, with fishnets, leg warmers and a cheap pair of heels. I looked hot. I also had some red ribbon, and a red flower in my hair, Freaky did my make up, it was a good time And I was feeling insanely confident.
Then it was time for the first walk down the middle of the dungeon. I was a little iffy at first, becuase there were alot of people around. However what happened next was not expected. The space was PACKED, ridiculously. Trying to make it to the kitchen to grab a drink, and I had to avoid a woman spinning while suspended, a pair of floggers, and a violet wand. By the time I got back to the front room to bring back soda and check on my hair- I had to avoid the woman suspended with a fucking machine. *whistles* Odd.
The space was packed for the majority of the night. We found a space in the back of the space, in the cafe and relaxed on the couch and hung out. Bitey found a new way to recycle- 2 liter soda bottles as percussive instruments on ben's ass. It was quite fun. We were walking about, avoiding all of the suspensions and other stuff going on, and got distracted by some fire cupping going on. O.O I want to try fire play- but I'm not sure about cupping yet. It was intriguing to see how the skin gets pulled into the cups and the suction, but thats something to try out... not yet though, we can save that for later.
It was after midnight that the crowd finally started to dwindle and the chain web was free, so we commandeered the entire corner by the web. We had some issues with someone else playing on the web in latex, so due to allergies we had to wait until they were done- So I got all tied up in a chest harness- all comfy and tight while we waited. \
And I did it too... I went topless YAAAAAY me. Score one for my confidence. I was quite proud of myself. Still am and will be for a while. Its a whole new feeling. "JAck" Told me that my breasts were "C'est Magnifique" I have fresnch breasts. It made me giggle. It still makes me giggle. It was also one of those nights where instead of like the casino I was focusing on those that were looking at me in a negative light, I was focusing on those that were paying attention to me. And Sir, you were right, people do enjoy it, I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I don't think I will be standing in my way anymore.
When the web was finally ready, I was strung up- the rope from the harness was used to attach me to the hian web. :D it was awesome. We had a good time, I hadn't realized how much fun it could be to play in public, especially when you are confident and not hiding from anything. It was quite a freeing experience. If that makes sense. I will leave the details to share with you later if you would like. But here is some pictures for you:
Then we went to denny's for after party eats, I was pretty hungry. That was big mistake took an hour for the food to get to us, and then my food was last- not that it was even cooked. It was terrible. We are probably never going back. Ever. But our entire meal was comped. Its a trend we aren't happy with- damnit.
I didn't get home until late, like nearly 6am this morning. I slept in untiul 2 ish or so, I needed the rest. I took the pictures this afternoon so that you could see them.
I was kinda miffed at myself becuase I didn't get to see you this morning. And I had slept too late to see you, so I was fairly certain that I wouldn't see you until later tonight. When I saw you this afternoon I was excted, I wanted to tell you about what happened and I wanted you to be proud of me for what I did. It certainly was not expected that you would be in such a bad mood today. Football pool- lack of sleep- I was trying to make you sleep and yet all it amanged to do was a whole lot of not much.
I did however realize this afternoon that just because you are in a bad mood doens't mean that I need to let my mood sink. I was happy, and I still am. Yes you aren't happy, but I cannot assume that it is all my fault and that I did something wrong. I don't need to be unneccesarily down on myself. We're doing dinner tonight, and hanging out at the house until I can talk to you and then go to legends to do some singing. Freaky got some new needles so I wants to try them they are a different gauge so im intreigued.
Time for me to go make some dinner. I love you my Sir.
♥Always♥
your wench
He is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to be obeyed.
He is to be pleased and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?
Becuase He is my Sir and I am his pierced wench.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Score one for hitting the button early...
Earlier in my journal I mentioned that I was debating on what I was going to do this weekend- push my limits or not. Well I made my decision-
I am going to do it.
I am going to go topless at the space. I'm doing it for me and for us. To test myself, to see how much I have grown, to break out of my shell. I can do it, and the only thing holding me back is myself. So, I'm going to stop, and I am going to go for it.
I can do it I know I can. And its time for me to prove it to myself.
Tomorrow I am going to the GRUE- its an impromptu "unconference" Mostly regarding rope and rigging and fun stuffs. So the chances of me getting suspended... REALLY high. I'm kinda excited. Well you are back now, I'll write more tomorrow.
I love you.
♥Always♥
Your wench
I am going to do it.
I am going to go topless at the space. I'm doing it for me and for us. To test myself, to see how much I have grown, to break out of my shell. I can do it, and the only thing holding me back is myself. So, I'm going to stop, and I am going to go for it.
I can do it I know I can. And its time for me to prove it to myself.
Tomorrow I am going to the GRUE- its an impromptu "unconference" Mostly regarding rope and rigging and fun stuffs. So the chances of me getting suspended... REALLY high. I'm kinda excited. Well you are back now, I'll write more tomorrow.
I love you.
♥Always♥
Your wench
A bit on Communictaion-
this bit is DEFINITELY late.
The other day, I saw a difference in the way my Sir and I communicate. Typically if it has something to do with whats going on over there I don't want to know, becuase he says I don't want the answer to the questions I ask. I however have come to a poiint where, yeah what I'm going to hear that he is going through is going to suck, alot. However, I need to know, I can't hide from it and pretend that nothing is going on. If I am going to understand what my Sir is going through and how I cna help him, I can't be in the dark. Even small details like " There was an explosion near me" is enough for me to understand enough that I can piece a few other thigns together to help where I can. It will make it easier for me to help him when he gets home instead of having to say thing slike," So when you said I didn't want to know then, I want to know now." and then he has to go back through everything.
this way- He's given me enough to go on to help him later. I am hoping that my Sir will continue to be more open with me about what has occured over there. Its something I need in order to be better for him, and help him with out being too pushy or clingy like last time. But that also means that my Sir needs to open up to me a bit more, so that I don't feel as isolated.
this bit is DEFINITELY late.
The other day, I saw a difference in the way my Sir and I communicate. Typically if it has something to do with whats going on over there I don't want to know, becuase he says I don't want the answer to the questions I ask. I however have come to a poiint where, yeah what I'm going to hear that he is going through is going to suck, alot. However, I need to know, I can't hide from it and pretend that nothing is going on. If I am going to understand what my Sir is going through and how I cna help him, I can't be in the dark. Even small details like " There was an explosion near me" is enough for me to understand enough that I can piece a few other thigns together to help where I can. It will make it easier for me to help him when he gets home instead of having to say thing slike," So when you said I didn't want to know then, I want to know now." and then he has to go back through everything.
this way- He's given me enough to go on to help him later. I am hoping that my Sir will continue to be more open with me about what has occured over there. Its something I need in order to be better for him, and help him with out being too pushy or clingy like last time. But that also means that my Sir needs to open up to me a bit more, so that I don't feel as isolated.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wacky Wednesday
I went to bed REALLY early yesterday. Like 1030, kind of early. I was excited I was going to sleep, and then when I woke up it would be nice and early and I would have the whole day ahead of me.
I wasn't expecting to wake up at 2am, then fall back to asleep and be wide awake at 4am. At 6 I fell back to sleep and took another nap until 10. It could have been worse I guess. Ugh, I wanted to be up early but not 2am!
Whats wrose is when I called yesterday about the truck, he said he was going to be gone for most of the day at an auction in Hartford, and that he would be there after 4 so I could see the truck. I show up at 4:15. And there is some kid sitting in the truck, telling me that he has been sitting there all day waiting for the guy cause he wants to buy the truck. The worst part- the guy from the shop isn't going to be there until 5, and this other guy has all $2600. Fuck.
I went to goodwill on my way home, and found a really cute dress that I can wear to our friends wedding, for $10. And it looks awesome. now I jsut need shoes. See!!!! look Sir I shopped money conscious! It's so cute. And I used some of my casino winnings to buy a HOT pair of shoes. They are heels... so I can only wear them when I'm kneelign with my Sir.... or getting tied up so that it won't make the height thing awkward. And they were on sale too!!
Now for the big thought of the day.
I am considering puching my own limits. My confidence limit. Can I be self assured enough to go topless at the space for being tied up, and wrapped in rope, and maybe I'll get suspended. Its one thing for me to do it in front of people I know and trust- Like Bitey, Freaky, Dementia- people I trust that aren't going to judge me. I am not sure tonight if I could handle doing something like that where everyone could see me. The only thing that would stop me ( aside from my Sir telling me not to) is me being worried that I am going to be judged becuase I'm a bit larger- I'm not a thinner girl, and I don't want that held over my head, well I know I would hold it over my head that I am not the typical woman that every guy is going to gawk over. *sighs*
I think that its an important step for me. Like when my Sir paraded me through the casino. ITs a step for me to be able to say this is me, if you don't like it walk away. This is me- all of me- and I'm beautiful. And if for no other reason I think I should. and then I have second thoughts...
*deep breath*
I've got a few days to decide.
♥Always♥
your wench
I wasn't expecting to wake up at 2am, then fall back to asleep and be wide awake at 4am. At 6 I fell back to sleep and took another nap until 10. It could have been worse I guess. Ugh, I wanted to be up early but not 2am!
Whats wrose is when I called yesterday about the truck, he said he was going to be gone for most of the day at an auction in Hartford, and that he would be there after 4 so I could see the truck. I show up at 4:15. And there is some kid sitting in the truck, telling me that he has been sitting there all day waiting for the guy cause he wants to buy the truck. The worst part- the guy from the shop isn't going to be there until 5, and this other guy has all $2600. Fuck.
I went to goodwill on my way home, and found a really cute dress that I can wear to our friends wedding, for $10. And it looks awesome. now I jsut need shoes. See!!!! look Sir I shopped money conscious! It's so cute. And I used some of my casino winnings to buy a HOT pair of shoes. They are heels... so I can only wear them when I'm kneelign with my Sir.... or getting tied up so that it won't make the height thing awkward. And they were on sale too!!
Now for the big thought of the day.
I am considering puching my own limits. My confidence limit. Can I be self assured enough to go topless at the space for being tied up, and wrapped in rope, and maybe I'll get suspended. Its one thing for me to do it in front of people I know and trust- Like Bitey, Freaky, Dementia- people I trust that aren't going to judge me. I am not sure tonight if I could handle doing something like that where everyone could see me. The only thing that would stop me ( aside from my Sir telling me not to) is me being worried that I am going to be judged becuase I'm a bit larger- I'm not a thinner girl, and I don't want that held over my head, well I know I would hold it over my head that I am not the typical woman that every guy is going to gawk over. *sighs*
I think that its an important step for me. Like when my Sir paraded me through the casino. ITs a step for me to be able to say this is me, if you don't like it walk away. This is me- all of me- and I'm beautiful. And if for no other reason I think I should. and then I have second thoughts...
*deep breath*
I've got a few days to decide.
♥Always♥
your wench
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Busy busy day
So there is alot I need to write about.
Dinner last night at applebees was a flop- Nothing with the meal went properly. The four of us got a $20 gift certificate to applebees, and a request for a return trip for better service.
After waiting 30 minutes for a burger we decided to get it packed up, and we went to the bar for karaoke. It was a great time. Freaky, sang, and Ben sang! Freaky sang diamonds are a girls best friend and wheezer. Ben did the devil went down to Georgia. He did pretty good, though he did have a car bomb, so the lightweight was a little tipsy. *giggles*
Tiff brought her friend to the bar. I'll call him "John". John made an offhanded comment about being in S&M. He was being a general kind of asshole, overcompenating for something with his" I'm a big bad Master talk" It was making both Freaky and I roll our eyes becuase knew better. well John decided that he was going to threaten me with an ass slap, something about my behavior, or how he thought he could take me. I LAGUHED in his face, and then said. " I'd like to see you try it."
John tried to give me this some sort of "I've got your number" look, and I kept my challenge. And he said," well all she (Freaky) has to do is say yes, and I can do whatever I want." He turns to freaky and says "May I?" Without missing a beat, Freaky responds with "No." To which I looked at him and said, whether she says yes or not, you have to get my permission, or that of my husbands, and I doubt you'll get it.
We were all standing around, and some were smoking while we chatted with bryn outside the bar. Freaky got a little protective of me, and wrapped her arms over my shoulders. Tiffany asked if she could come hang out for a little bit, and yes that meant John too. I told her that I would think about it. As I was standing there with Freaky, I realized that I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't want to do it ini the bar parking lot surrounded by people. So i invited her back to my place, and I would drive her back to her car in the morning to get her to work.
*blushes but smiles* I got my kiss. Its different kissing a woman. Its softer, it can be insistent, but its in general a different... kind of kiss. Its not like my Sir's kiss- He's taking, ravaging, owning deep behind even the sweeter eased kisses. Its a totally different end of the spectrum from each other.
Today was just wild- first Freaky locked her keys in the car, then the bank wasn't open, the issues that I had at the dealership, then the drive back... Ugh It was jsut a high stress day, and It was not the best considering I was trying to get back to a decent sleep schedule. It kinda blew me away, and I needed the afternoon to relax.
It was nice to have Freaky around, the moments that I felt the tension build up, and nearly take me over, she was there, "Its not your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself. He can't be mad at you becuase the dealer was an idiot, and an asshole. Relax."
It was when I got back home that my day took a decided turn to chill time. I took a short nap, to recharge for the evening- just long enough to get me to stay up late enough to make dinner, write in my journal and pass out.
On that note- Its is time for bed. And look its 10pm, its a reasonable hour!!!! *gasp*
♥Always♥
your wench
Dinner last night at applebees was a flop- Nothing with the meal went properly. The four of us got a $20 gift certificate to applebees, and a request for a return trip for better service.
After waiting 30 minutes for a burger we decided to get it packed up, and we went to the bar for karaoke. It was a great time. Freaky, sang, and Ben sang! Freaky sang diamonds are a girls best friend and wheezer. Ben did the devil went down to Georgia. He did pretty good, though he did have a car bomb, so the lightweight was a little tipsy. *giggles*
Tiff brought her friend to the bar. I'll call him "John". John made an offhanded comment about being in S&M. He was being a general kind of asshole, overcompenating for something with his" I'm a big bad Master talk" It was making both Freaky and I roll our eyes becuase knew better. well John decided that he was going to threaten me with an ass slap, something about my behavior, or how he thought he could take me. I LAGUHED in his face, and then said. " I'd like to see you try it."
John tried to give me this some sort of "I've got your number" look, and I kept my challenge. And he said," well all she (Freaky) has to do is say yes, and I can do whatever I want." He turns to freaky and says "May I?" Without missing a beat, Freaky responds with "No." To which I looked at him and said, whether she says yes or not, you have to get my permission, or that of my husbands, and I doubt you'll get it.
We were all standing around, and some were smoking while we chatted with bryn outside the bar. Freaky got a little protective of me, and wrapped her arms over my shoulders. Tiffany asked if she could come hang out for a little bit, and yes that meant John too. I told her that I would think about it. As I was standing there with Freaky, I realized that I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't want to do it ini the bar parking lot surrounded by people. So i invited her back to my place, and I would drive her back to her car in the morning to get her to work.
*blushes but smiles* I got my kiss. Its different kissing a woman. Its softer, it can be insistent, but its in general a different... kind of kiss. Its not like my Sir's kiss- He's taking, ravaging, owning deep behind even the sweeter eased kisses. Its a totally different end of the spectrum from each other.
Today was just wild- first Freaky locked her keys in the car, then the bank wasn't open, the issues that I had at the dealership, then the drive back... Ugh It was jsut a high stress day, and It was not the best considering I was trying to get back to a decent sleep schedule. It kinda blew me away, and I needed the afternoon to relax.
It was nice to have Freaky around, the moments that I felt the tension build up, and nearly take me over, she was there, "Its not your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself. He can't be mad at you becuase the dealer was an idiot, and an asshole. Relax."
It was when I got back home that my day took a decided turn to chill time. I took a short nap, to recharge for the evening- just long enough to get me to stay up late enough to make dinner, write in my journal and pass out.
On that note- Its is time for bed. And look its 10pm, its a reasonable hour!!!! *gasp*
♥Always♥
your wench
Monday, October 11, 2010
How I compare to a bronco..
Or maybe its how the bronco compares to me.
It was the highlight of my day so far, to compare finding the bronco to how my Sir found me. I love my Sir.
This is WICKED short...
I am running late for dinner and I didn't want to miss it. I love you my Sir
It was the highlight of my day so far, to compare finding the bronco to how my Sir found me. I love my Sir.
This is WICKED short...
I am running late for dinner and I didn't want to miss it. I love you my Sir
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Chapter 6
My skin was covered in goosebumps from the chill in the living room. The soft leather of the ottoman did nothing to assist in warming me as I pressed my cheek to it. His hands had felt so different today. They were playful yet firm, teasing but harsh, and fastidious. He had carefully stripped me of my jeans, then had ordered me back to my knees. I was now in a bit of a frogtie, each thigh to its partnered calf.
That was when my Sir removed the rest of my clothing, the fleece, and underlying clothing. Deftly, he pulled my hair free from the tie, letting it spill about my shoulders. I now knelt, though a bit awkwardly on the floor before him. Or I had anyway. The look of pleasure that I love slid over his face, while his thimb stroked my cheek. " Such a good little slut I own."
With that he had turned and made his way towards the bedroom. I didn't make sense why he left me, a squirming writhing woman on the floor at his feet. The tip of my tongue flicked out against my lips. I had crawled to the ottoman and rested myself over it, in hopes of keeping too much pressure from my knees or ankles. Dark lashes fell over my eyes as I tried to calm my body and relax while I waited for him.
Fire erupted over my backside, as I felt the kiss of leather against it. Startled, I yelped, and jumped up, leaning back to my knees. "Sir?!"
Instead of an immediate lash, I felt his hand forcing me back down against the leather. "Let's see how well you can handle this now. I won't tie your hands, but if I have to, you'll add another 15 lashes, and I'll make you count those. "
I whimpered softly, and squirmed a bit as I tried to get comfortable maintaining his sight of both my back and my ass. I let out a deep breath, and did my best to relax. The kangaroo leather begn to fall against my flesh. It was slow at first- Each hit was consistent, and seemed carefully placed. First on a cheek then on my shoulders and back down. Gradually he picked up the tempo, and varied when he hit which piece of my body.
I could feel the licks of leather, igniting over my flesh, leaving the burn in its pleace. Each one seemed to increase intensity, but he mainained his speed. I took several deep breaths, hoping to keep myself calm, despite the intense heat over my paler skin. His attention paused as I felt him behind me. He was kneeling, the whip in his right hand, as his left was tracing the little designs on my back.
"I almost forgot how much I enjoyed seeing those little welts on your skin." his finger traced one, forcing me to cry out and nuck against him. The suprise was mine to feel him there, containing his own excitement. I could feel him in his jeans, and I began to wriggle backwards, whimpering. I heard his chuckle, and then he moved.
"I'm not ready for that yet, wench. Now remember hold still."
This time there was no sense to it, No rythmn I could manage. The speed varied, the intenity varied, but he managed to ensure that were the harder strikes landedIt didn't make me jump off the ottoman. I cried out a few times, as the heavier lashes fell on my back. I knew the welts would look beautiful in the end, but damn they hurt.
I buried my head on the leather, my hands gripped the sides of it forcing myself to stay still. My toes curled and my feet were the most mobile as I felt the insistence of the leather. As I felt the current of the whipping, it was almost as if he was trying to recreate the claw marks that had been on my backside all those years ago.
With warning, I heard the whip fall to the carpet, and He grabbs my shoulder and less than gracefully tossed me to the carpet. I could only look up at him, dropping his pant,s fumbly a bit as he was focused on taking me. I could feel every strike on my back being rubbed and scratched by the carpet underneath me.
****
I lay on the floor, panting, in no hurry to ctach my breath. I rolled to my side, and deliberatly began to regain control over the movements of my lungs. It was easier now, to be off my back. The welts, were now compounded with what felt like possible carpet burn. Oh he was evil, but how I loved him. Every bit of it.
The blanket he bought for me was laid on the floor beside me, and I slid over to lay on it. His fingers toyed with my hair for a few moments. His hand pulled my head back, and he pressed his lips to mine. I moaned softly before he released my hair.
"I'm sure you'll be there for a bit." A movie turned on, and I felt him sit in the chair above me. His feet rested one on my hip, the other on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, ready to nap and regain some amount of energy. As I drifted to sleep, I heard," My girl... my good girl.."
That was when my Sir removed the rest of my clothing, the fleece, and underlying clothing. Deftly, he pulled my hair free from the tie, letting it spill about my shoulders. I now knelt, though a bit awkwardly on the floor before him. Or I had anyway. The look of pleasure that I love slid over his face, while his thimb stroked my cheek. " Such a good little slut I own."
With that he had turned and made his way towards the bedroom. I didn't make sense why he left me, a squirming writhing woman on the floor at his feet. The tip of my tongue flicked out against my lips. I had crawled to the ottoman and rested myself over it, in hopes of keeping too much pressure from my knees or ankles. Dark lashes fell over my eyes as I tried to calm my body and relax while I waited for him.
Fire erupted over my backside, as I felt the kiss of leather against it. Startled, I yelped, and jumped up, leaning back to my knees. "Sir?!"
Instead of an immediate lash, I felt his hand forcing me back down against the leather. "Let's see how well you can handle this now. I won't tie your hands, but if I have to, you'll add another 15 lashes, and I'll make you count those. "
I whimpered softly, and squirmed a bit as I tried to get comfortable maintaining his sight of both my back and my ass. I let out a deep breath, and did my best to relax. The kangaroo leather begn to fall against my flesh. It was slow at first- Each hit was consistent, and seemed carefully placed. First on a cheek then on my shoulders and back down. Gradually he picked up the tempo, and varied when he hit which piece of my body.
I could feel the licks of leather, igniting over my flesh, leaving the burn in its pleace. Each one seemed to increase intensity, but he mainained his speed. I took several deep breaths, hoping to keep myself calm, despite the intense heat over my paler skin. His attention paused as I felt him behind me. He was kneeling, the whip in his right hand, as his left was tracing the little designs on my back.
"I almost forgot how much I enjoyed seeing those little welts on your skin." his finger traced one, forcing me to cry out and nuck against him. The suprise was mine to feel him there, containing his own excitement. I could feel him in his jeans, and I began to wriggle backwards, whimpering. I heard his chuckle, and then he moved.
"I'm not ready for that yet, wench. Now remember hold still."
This time there was no sense to it, No rythmn I could manage. The speed varied, the intenity varied, but he managed to ensure that were the harder strikes landedIt didn't make me jump off the ottoman. I cried out a few times, as the heavier lashes fell on my back. I knew the welts would look beautiful in the end, but damn they hurt.
I buried my head on the leather, my hands gripped the sides of it forcing myself to stay still. My toes curled and my feet were the most mobile as I felt the insistence of the leather. As I felt the current of the whipping, it was almost as if he was trying to recreate the claw marks that had been on my backside all those years ago.
With warning, I heard the whip fall to the carpet, and He grabbs my shoulder and less than gracefully tossed me to the carpet. I could only look up at him, dropping his pant,s fumbly a bit as he was focused on taking me. I could feel every strike on my back being rubbed and scratched by the carpet underneath me.
****
I lay on the floor, panting, in no hurry to ctach my breath. I rolled to my side, and deliberatly began to regain control over the movements of my lungs. It was easier now, to be off my back. The welts, were now compounded with what felt like possible carpet burn. Oh he was evil, but how I loved him. Every bit of it.
The blanket he bought for me was laid on the floor beside me, and I slid over to lay on it. His fingers toyed with my hair for a few moments. His hand pulled my head back, and he pressed his lips to mine. I moaned softly before he released my hair.
"I'm sure you'll be there for a bit." A movie turned on, and I felt him sit in the chair above me. His feet rested one on my hip, the other on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, ready to nap and regain some amount of energy. As I drifted to sleep, I heard," My girl... my good girl.."
A SUPER Saturday!
 |
| All tied up- with a pretty little bow too |
Saturday started off really well, I got to talk to my Sir, and we were both really exicted for the trailer I was going to go see. Then after I had plans to meet up with Freaky and hang out. However we changed our minds and she came with me to see the trailer. She's lived in them before and knew what I shoudl look for and what to be cautious of.
When checking out the house, I found that I had more cons, than pros when it came to it, and seeing the inside was more than a bit disappointing only for the fact that it seems to have some issues. None of which I want to relly get into at any great length, its not worth it. So Sir has made the decision and I will have a vehicle for him in two weeks when we pay it off.
On the way back from seeing the mobile home, There was a small car show to beneit relay for life at Legends. Melinda and I stopped in, bought some tickets checked out the cars, and I did a little singing while we were there. It was a good time, and Mailman Kev has a bit of a crush on Melinda. Its adorable. And its confirmed, he's a submissive.
*pushes the fast forward button*
So ben and Audra came over, and we popped in Alice in Wonderland because Ben hadn't seen it. This gave ben something to do, in front of the TV, while I got all tied up. And here are the pictures, with the story in between. If there are any pictures that my Sir would like, please let me know and I"ll email them. These pictures are all out of order, damn uploader won't let me re-arrange them.
 |
| And it begins, me sticking out my tongue at the camera. |
 |
| Working on the chest harness from the front side. |
 |
| The back side of the harness after the cotton rope was finished. |
 |
| A helping hand for one of the knots on the lower side of the harness. So I gave lucy and ethel a lift *giggles* |
 |
| This was a whole new feeling. Thightly wrapped and bound. It was bordering painful, and I KNEW that they were going to change colors, I was concerened about the turning bright purple though. |
.JPG) |
| Finished product -back view |
 |
| Up close on the knot in the chest harness. Yaaaaay pretty! |
 |
| Lets try it with the hands behind my back. |
 |
| I think this is about the time that my shoulders said," Hey Rope slut, let us go!" so we found other use for the rope elsewhere. I made it like 45 mintues I think with them behind my back. :D new record! |
 |
| Clothespins! I could feel them, but not a painful kind of feel. |
 |
| The initial thought was to bind my breasts that tight, then stick needles in them like a starburst. *GULPS* Instead we got a sunburst with clothespins. |
 |
| That "shadow" is actually a can that I made from an arrow shaft. And it bruises FAST. I think this will become one of my Sir's favorite toys. |
 |
| Rope coming off... |
 |
| Nah this wasn't tight- look rope marks! And my skin felt all textured. |
 |
| Rope marks, and closer to the nipple are marks from the clothes pins |
 |
| Bruise on sunday. |
 |
| I won't know if it hurts if I don't poke it. |
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| Freaky working on the knot in the back, and I'm trying not to fall over. |
 |
| And so, the rope begins... |
 |
| I was out of the rope and relaxing all comfy in the blanket my Sir got for me, when I was tickled!!!! |
 |
| Petty clothespins and red breasts |
.JPG) |
| Finished product- Frontal view |
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| The first bit of rope from the harness that went on, Its all pretty.... |
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| Freaky hard at work- of course it wasn't until after everything was done that I noticed she was holding rope in her teeth. |
Friday, October 8, 2010
Today started off really well. I woke up to a message from my Sir. It made things easy enough for me to understand and showed once again how far our ability to communicate has grown. It makes me smile even now to think of it. I kept things fairly low key today, I made the phone calls I needed, and had a laid back day.
Tomorrow I have a list of things that I need to work on, and get finished. A potential vehicle for my Sir, a new house for us. And I have several lists of questions of things I need to find out.
But now it is time for me to go to bed, Sir wants me asleep early, I have a busy day. I need to be up early in order to be awake and get stuff handled.
*giggles* I am soooo excited!!!!
off to bed with the wench!
♥Always♥
the jingley one
Tomorrow I have a list of things that I need to work on, and get finished. A potential vehicle for my Sir, a new house for us. And I have several lists of questions of things I need to find out.
But now it is time for me to go to bed, Sir wants me asleep early, I have a busy day. I need to be up early in order to be awake and get stuff handled.
*giggles* I am soooo excited!!!!
off to bed with the wench!
♥Always♥
the jingley one
Thursday, October 7, 2010
what did I do wrong?
I really don't know. But you're pissed at me. You didn't even give me a chance to say goodnight. I was trying not to get upset and assume that it was me that you were pissed off at, but now im left with this sinking feeling in my chest. All I can do is cry and I don't know what I did. I really don't, and its scaring me.
I don't know if its something I did, or if what you had to do tonight is what upset you. I don't know.
I was up late last night, near 4:30 am, praying hoping that you would come back. I couldn't stop myself, It was all desire, and I just couldn't sleep. I woke up shortly after you left, and saw all of the messages you left for me. They made me feel so much better, it put me in such a comfortable warm place. And I wanted to stay and wait and see where you were at. So, I stayed in bed, I lay back and waited for you to come back. Yes I fell back to sleep, I had only gotten 4.5 hours, and I was tired. IT wouldn't have been much for me to drive out there this afternoon.
I woke up to the buzz, and the first thing I did was say hello to you and then I made the call. And the first words out of the guys mouth were " I'll be honest, I forgot." Whether I called at noon or at 9 am, he still didn't have it ready for me. He still has to find it, he has to check the vehicle, and then track down the guy he bought it from and see if he can get it. I can't really say that I want to waste my time waiting for this guy to find it.
I was trying not to get upset or assume you were angry with me, but when you signed out without giving me half a chance to even say goodnight, I lost it...
I don't know which way to go now...
I don't know if its something I did, or if what you had to do tonight is what upset you. I don't know.
I was up late last night, near 4:30 am, praying hoping that you would come back. I couldn't stop myself, It was all desire, and I just couldn't sleep. I woke up shortly after you left, and saw all of the messages you left for me. They made me feel so much better, it put me in such a comfortable warm place. And I wanted to stay and wait and see where you were at. So, I stayed in bed, I lay back and waited for you to come back. Yes I fell back to sleep, I had only gotten 4.5 hours, and I was tired. IT wouldn't have been much for me to drive out there this afternoon.
I woke up to the buzz, and the first thing I did was say hello to you and then I made the call. And the first words out of the guys mouth were " I'll be honest, I forgot." Whether I called at noon or at 9 am, he still didn't have it ready for me. He still has to find it, he has to check the vehicle, and then track down the guy he bought it from and see if he can get it. I can't really say that I want to waste my time waiting for this guy to find it.
I was trying not to get upset or assume you were angry with me, but when you signed out without giving me half a chance to even say goodnight, I lost it...
I don't know which way to go now...
Frustration...
I wasn't keen on writing this down in here becuase I know what its going to do to me. Not that I can stop it anyway...
I've been excited and eager all day at the possibility of having time with you tonight, private time for us. Due to situations out of both your and my control it didn't happen. And my three most despised letters of this deployment bite me in the ass again. Meaning, no playtime, becuase on a seconds notice you'd have to jet.
Its so hard, I need you. my body needs you inside and outside im screaming jsut for one touch, one kiss, the brush of a hand anything. I want you to be able to enjoy it as well, as if there was an 8/5 hour time difference between us, as if it was jsut you and me and nothing seperating us.
*deep breath*
I want to arouse you, I want to please you, and now im stuck squirming on the bedsheets not wanting to touch myself, becuase tonight was supposed to be for you, and I don't feel like I can without you here to watch me, to see me, to see how much I need you, crave you...
It makes me ache, how badly I want you...
I've been trying to be a good girl, keep myself calm, not throw myself at you and beg for no mercy becuase I know its not possible right now. It makes me want to rip my hair out and thrash on the bed. And then the messenger kicks out and im left biting and tearing at my pillow.
I need you...
I hunger for you...
and now I squirm on our bed- aching and dripping...
~ your pierced slut
I've been excited and eager all day at the possibility of having time with you tonight, private time for us. Due to situations out of both your and my control it didn't happen. And my three most despised letters of this deployment bite me in the ass again. Meaning, no playtime, becuase on a seconds notice you'd have to jet.
Its so hard, I need you. my body needs you inside and outside im screaming jsut for one touch, one kiss, the brush of a hand anything. I want you to be able to enjoy it as well, as if there was an 8/5 hour time difference between us, as if it was jsut you and me and nothing seperating us.
*deep breath*
I want to arouse you, I want to please you, and now im stuck squirming on the bedsheets not wanting to touch myself, becuase tonight was supposed to be for you, and I don't feel like I can without you here to watch me, to see me, to see how much I need you, crave you...
It makes me ache, how badly I want you...
I've been trying to be a good girl, keep myself calm, not throw myself at you and beg for no mercy becuase I know its not possible right now. It makes me want to rip my hair out and thrash on the bed. And then the messenger kicks out and im left biting and tearing at my pillow.
I need you...
I hunger for you...
and now I squirm on our bed- aching and dripping...
~ your pierced slut
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A day of new hopes...
Today Sir and I laid out plans for potential new starts for us. A new place to live, a vehicle for him. Just getting everything set up for His return. That is the best part of what is going on right now. Everything is hitting that time in the cycle for His return.
As much as he is working towards return, its important for me to make sure that I am getting things in line and ready for him to return. Ensuring his clothes are ready for when he gets back, the car, our home, me... making sure that everything is ready and waiting.
That is mostly what today is for and tomorrow, hopefully I will have info on the bronco for him :D
Now I'm waiting with a little suprise for my Sir. We shall see how things go and if he likes what awaits him *beams*
♥Always♥
your wench
As much as he is working towards return, its important for me to make sure that I am getting things in line and ready for him to return. Ensuring his clothes are ready for when he gets back, the car, our home, me... making sure that everything is ready and waiting.
That is mostly what today is for and tomorrow, hopefully I will have info on the bronco for him :D
Now I'm waiting with a little suprise for my Sir. We shall see how things go and if he likes what awaits him *beams*
♥Always♥
your wench
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Catching up on yesterday
I slept in a little bit, after the night prior. Ben and Audra stayed until like 1/2am ish. We were working on new things, and a cane that I made for my Sir. Little did I know that the cane I made would leave some nice bruises. WIth any luck it will work the same way on other parts of my body. I am soo hoping that it will work. Sir likes to leave marks on me, not that I can blame him, I really like having marks myself.
I woke up in the morning, and looked in the mirror and went, holy... where the hell did that come from. guess it works better than I thought it would. YAAAAY
I also had an interview last night. I think it went pretty well, my only concern is that I totally brain farted and forgot about my tattoo on my arm. I was wearing my white sweater, it made sure I looked professional and then suddenly we're in the interview and he can't keep from glancing towards it. Inside my head im thinking, oh fuck I knew I forgot something. But I know that I am much more than a tatoo on my arm, and I tried to sell that fact. That I do have alot more to offer than just seeing a tattoo... *fingers crossed*
Last night I went out to dinner with Audra, ben and Freaky, and we had a good relaxing time. Its a great thing to have friends again that I can trust, and discuss both vanilla things, and not so vanilla things. I can't wait until Sir gets home and they can meet him too.
I also have several new things to work on from my Sir some new tasks to work on and focus on to get accomplished before he gets home. I am quite excited to be honest. And it has also given me other ideas for things to have ready for him when he gets home.
Now that we have caught up to the current day, I will save anything from today so that I can write something tonight.
♥Always♥
Your wench
He is Master and I am slave,
He is Owner and I am owned,
He commands and I am to obey,
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?
Because He is my Sir and I am his pierced wench.
I woke up in the morning, and looked in the mirror and went, holy... where the hell did that come from. guess it works better than I thought it would. YAAAAY
I also had an interview last night. I think it went pretty well, my only concern is that I totally brain farted and forgot about my tattoo on my arm. I was wearing my white sweater, it made sure I looked professional and then suddenly we're in the interview and he can't keep from glancing towards it. Inside my head im thinking, oh fuck I knew I forgot something. But I know that I am much more than a tatoo on my arm, and I tried to sell that fact. That I do have alot more to offer than just seeing a tattoo... *fingers crossed*
Last night I went out to dinner with Audra, ben and Freaky, and we had a good relaxing time. Its a great thing to have friends again that I can trust, and discuss both vanilla things, and not so vanilla things. I can't wait until Sir gets home and they can meet him too.
I also have several new things to work on from my Sir some new tasks to work on and focus on to get accomplished before he gets home. I am quite excited to be honest. And it has also given me other ideas for things to have ready for him when he gets home.
Now that we have caught up to the current day, I will save anything from today so that I can write something tonight.
♥Always♥
Your wench
He is Master and I am slave,
He is Owner and I am owned,
He commands and I am to obey,
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?
Because He is my Sir and I am his pierced wench.
Long awaited update...
Starting from the last time I wrote...
Homecoming was alot of fun. I had a blast in the stands, cheering, and playing music again. It was amazing to see my friends again, and it really felt like I was back in college, (minus the uniform) haning out on a saturday at the football game. We tailgated before the game and I had a poptart and a apple at Amy and Sophia's car. It was fun.... sophia was making herself scrambled egg whites, and amy was eating hotdogs. Hebrew national the Dog of the Jewish.
Then I drove back home, to pick up my friend for the wedding. However, when I got there, she wasn't even cose to ready- and we were late. thankfully so was the entire wedding party. they did pictures before the wedding not after, so the photographers ran late- go figure. The wedding was beautiful, and for her being pagan I could appreciate the ministers use of not beaing us over the head with God. And actually told them to take a walk in the light of the new moon, on their new path together. I thought it was awesome, and highly appropriate.
The wedding reception was alot of fun too, every table had a different fairytale- and the centerpieces matched the fairytales. I happened to be sitting at the little mermaid table. Of course I thought it was cool as shit :D The centerpiece had little shells with pearls in them, so I was excited. And I even thought I had won it but I didn't. I was close though I had almsot won it. We ended up staying alot later than planned...
I did get out in time however to get up to the regular play night. I had already made plans to help out freaky with trampling her footstool, and then getting a practice stabby stabby to see how I liked them. ((aka try a few needles see how it goes before the corset on sunday.)) I was more than a little nervous about stabby stabby, and cause it was going to be my first public play after the debacle several years ago.
OMG I stood on someone! I felt like I weighed next to nothing. I was standing on him, and he looked blissfully happy, like I wasn't gigantic or anything. It rocked. Was weird at first, but it was cool... the things that you try will suprise you I swear. I do have to say though, every time I crossed my legs i was inadvertently bringing them near him in the lounge, and kept distracting him. Accidental I swear!
Then it was stabby stabby time. Two girls went ahead of me, they were sister, and it was interesting to watch them first. So then its my turn, I hop up on the table, holding my cell phone intently staring at it ike... c'mon Sir... log in... log in so I can talk to you while this is happening. No logging in. Oh shit its needle time, look up at the ceiling, don't look down... pinch, pinch... eeep pinch. Well that feels weird but cool. *looks down* holy shit theres a needle in my boob this is cool. three more later I didn't want them out. I'm all endorphine-y and chilling on the gyno table with needles going this is so cool... I sent a few messages to my Sir who didn't get them until much later, but it worked. Being able to text him was very helpful for me.
Oh, and then when it was time for them to come out. I pulled one out on my own. I went slowly, kinda like... whats this gonna feel like, pull pull, not bad, pull pull... mmm I can wait... *pause* okay time to come out YOINK. Hey audra I took it outmyself! look! oooh and now its bleeding! And then the craziest thing ever... I ASKED to have an alcohol swab wiped over them. It was an oddly warm comfy relaxing burn. I am such a masochist.
Then we went out to dinner at a diner. A diner we are never EVER going back to. The food was alright, and cheap, but it was packed with drunks and rude people. Including the armpit sniffer, the assholes, and the bitchy woman. As we went to leave, one table was giving the waitress a really hard time and started screaming. Then as we are leaving, some jackass is standing outside screaming " FAGGOT" and calling some guy on the other end of the parking lot that... over and over and over... overcourse this is as Two Transgenders are walking out of the restaurant and trying their damndest not to punch the drunk idiot.
It was a wonderful thing >.< Then we drove back home, and went to bed....
Now its sunday! YAAAY Happy day, having company over, cooking good foos and pokey pokey with needles for a corset.
It got off to a late start because no one ended up arriving until after 4 or so. It happens. We had a cheese plate with grapes, and crackers, bruschetta with mozzarella and tomatoes (stolen from one of the aunts). Then for dinner we had chicken and broccoli alfredo, and desert was ice cream sammiches ( made from chcolate chip cookies and vanilla icecream). I cooked dinner, bitey helped with desert, freaky and ben put together the cheese platter and I burnt the bruschetta! Woot go me! A little char to scrape off but they were still good!
After dinner it was pokey pokey time! Freaky got everything set up in the living room, I moved my laptop over so that I would see if and When Sir logged in, Ben had the camera poised and ready to take pictures... and did he ( I'll post some at the end) And Audra sat by keeping footstool occupied... Even thought they both ended up making me laugh. Which is a bad thing when needles are going into your boob, you giggle they jiggle and the needle wiggles its not times. It was awesome. Though we did have to cork the ends, because we found out that when I was taking a drink of apple cider, I was poking myself and making meself bleed. Ooops.
When they were all in I was chilling relaxing, hanging out with my needles in. then to the shock of everyone, the needle-phobic ben decided to try a needle. He did awesome! and then he looked... not a smart move. But instead of asking for it to come out, he wanted more! It rocked, I was so excited and so proud of him. * three cheers for ben!* Then Freaky started having fun with alcohol swabs on the needles when she took them out. Gigggles That was fun. Ben has the greatest facial expressions...
Sadly it was then time to take them out. The rest of the evening is not to be discussed as it might leak certain suprises for our anniversary so :P
And now... the pictures... step by step...
Homecoming was alot of fun. I had a blast in the stands, cheering, and playing music again. It was amazing to see my friends again, and it really felt like I was back in college, (minus the uniform) haning out on a saturday at the football game. We tailgated before the game and I had a poptart and a apple at Amy and Sophia's car. It was fun.... sophia was making herself scrambled egg whites, and amy was eating hotdogs. Hebrew national the Dog of the Jewish.
Then I drove back home, to pick up my friend for the wedding. However, when I got there, she wasn't even cose to ready- and we were late. thankfully so was the entire wedding party. they did pictures before the wedding not after, so the photographers ran late- go figure. The wedding was beautiful, and for her being pagan I could appreciate the ministers use of not beaing us over the head with God. And actually told them to take a walk in the light of the new moon, on their new path together. I thought it was awesome, and highly appropriate.
The wedding reception was alot of fun too, every table had a different fairytale- and the centerpieces matched the fairytales. I happened to be sitting at the little mermaid table. Of course I thought it was cool as shit :D The centerpiece had little shells with pearls in them, so I was excited. And I even thought I had won it but I didn't. I was close though I had almsot won it. We ended up staying alot later than planned...
I did get out in time however to get up to the regular play night. I had already made plans to help out freaky with trampling her footstool, and then getting a practice stabby stabby to see how I liked them. ((aka try a few needles see how it goes before the corset on sunday.)) I was more than a little nervous about stabby stabby, and cause it was going to be my first public play after the debacle several years ago.
OMG I stood on someone! I felt like I weighed next to nothing. I was standing on him, and he looked blissfully happy, like I wasn't gigantic or anything. It rocked. Was weird at first, but it was cool... the things that you try will suprise you I swear. I do have to say though, every time I crossed my legs i was inadvertently bringing them near him in the lounge, and kept distracting him. Accidental I swear!
Then it was stabby stabby time. Two girls went ahead of me, they were sister, and it was interesting to watch them first. So then its my turn, I hop up on the table, holding my cell phone intently staring at it ike... c'mon Sir... log in... log in so I can talk to you while this is happening. No logging in. Oh shit its needle time, look up at the ceiling, don't look down... pinch, pinch... eeep pinch. Well that feels weird but cool. *looks down* holy shit theres a needle in my boob this is cool. three more later I didn't want them out. I'm all endorphine-y and chilling on the gyno table with needles going this is so cool... I sent a few messages to my Sir who didn't get them until much later, but it worked. Being able to text him was very helpful for me.
Oh, and then when it was time for them to come out. I pulled one out on my own. I went slowly, kinda like... whats this gonna feel like, pull pull, not bad, pull pull... mmm I can wait... *pause* okay time to come out YOINK. Hey audra I took it outmyself! look! oooh and now its bleeding! And then the craziest thing ever... I ASKED to have an alcohol swab wiped over them. It was an oddly warm comfy relaxing burn. I am such a masochist.
Then we went out to dinner at a diner. A diner we are never EVER going back to. The food was alright, and cheap, but it was packed with drunks and rude people. Including the armpit sniffer, the assholes, and the bitchy woman. As we went to leave, one table was giving the waitress a really hard time and started screaming. Then as we are leaving, some jackass is standing outside screaming " FAGGOT" and calling some guy on the other end of the parking lot that... over and over and over... overcourse this is as Two Transgenders are walking out of the restaurant and trying their damndest not to punch the drunk idiot.
It was a wonderful thing >.< Then we drove back home, and went to bed....
Now its sunday! YAAAY Happy day, having company over, cooking good foos and pokey pokey with needles for a corset.
It got off to a late start because no one ended up arriving until after 4 or so. It happens. We had a cheese plate with grapes, and crackers, bruschetta with mozzarella and tomatoes (stolen from one of the aunts). Then for dinner we had chicken and broccoli alfredo, and desert was ice cream sammiches ( made from chcolate chip cookies and vanilla icecream). I cooked dinner, bitey helped with desert, freaky and ben put together the cheese platter and I burnt the bruschetta! Woot go me! A little char to scrape off but they were still good!
After dinner it was pokey pokey time! Freaky got everything set up in the living room, I moved my laptop over so that I would see if and When Sir logged in, Ben had the camera poised and ready to take pictures... and did he ( I'll post some at the end) And Audra sat by keeping footstool occupied... Even thought they both ended up making me laugh. Which is a bad thing when needles are going into your boob, you giggle they jiggle and the needle wiggles its not times. It was awesome. Though we did have to cork the ends, because we found out that when I was taking a drink of apple cider, I was poking myself and making meself bleed. Ooops.
When they were all in I was chilling relaxing, hanging out with my needles in. then to the shock of everyone, the needle-phobic ben decided to try a needle. He did awesome! and then he looked... not a smart move. But instead of asking for it to come out, he wanted more! It rocked, I was so excited and so proud of him. * three cheers for ben!* Then Freaky started having fun with alcohol swabs on the needles when she took them out. Gigggles That was fun. Ben has the greatest facial expressions...
Sadly it was then time to take them out. The rest of the evening is not to be discussed as it might leak certain suprises for our anniversary so :P
And now... the pictures... step by step...
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