Time to vent...

Sir: Yeah I am...and I'm in no mood to deal with you freaking out because all of a sudden all of this dropped itself on your plate.

How about this...

You fucking caused, you fucking deal with it.  I go from, having to handle shit to suddenly my cousin is in the hospital, I'm getting all of that shit put together when suddenly you decide to drop the bomb of " Go buy me the truck." Could you have waited until tomorrow? or Monday... or something instead of deciding to pile it on?

All of a sudden I went from, here go buy stocks, to your cousin is in the hoistal to , go buy me a fucking car.

You tell me why I would be freaking out? why all of a sudden I have a ton of shit dropped on your plate.

I'm already pissed off becuase I can't spend as much time as I would like talking with you this morning, to throw all of that on top of it, you were ASKING for me to freak out.  And if you couldn't see that, well then you see it now.

I know you are irritated becuase I had to leave, but that doesn't give you the right to pile more shit on me jsut because you were upset. 

I could have handled the rest of it, but you add the go buy me a car ontop of everything, and my mind goes "WTF? Insurance, plates? I can't do that in a day. Especially not tomorrow when I have to be in Storrs for rehersal by 4.  It doesn't happen that way. 

I know you weren't thinking because you're upset, and I wans't thinking straight becuase I'm getting stubborn and irritated becuase im not going to get time with you either.  I was jsut trying to explain myself, and your best course of action was to jsut leave me alone becuase you don't want to deal with me. 


*SCREAMS*

I love you, and right now, you just make me want to cry becuase you're running from me. 

♥Always♥
Your wench

Today was an odd... sort of day.

I managed to not sleep the entire day away.  I went out and applied for another job.  I've still not heard back from anywhere. 

I got some not great news about my parents.  But we can chat about that when my Sir gets back.   I also spent a bit of time working on the music for homecoming this weekend.  The music is a little weird but I'll figure it out.  ITs gonna take a little bit of time, so that I have it down for the rehersal on friday. 

Tonight I had dinner with Sue and with Krystal.  It was fun, its been nice to hang out with people that are into the lifestyle, and those that understand.  Then we came back to the house to watch TV and hang out.  Its been alot of fun.  we're still hanging out and chatting.  Sue is having a good time with krystal so it all works out in the end.  With any luck *crosses fingers*

Saturday is still going to be a crazy day, we'll see how it goes. 

Back to chatting with Sue- I just wanted to make sure I wrote this on time.

chapter 5

I lay back on the deep blue blanket.  My eyes had closed as I awaited what had been planned for me next.  My tongue felt the back of the rubber in my mouth.  I could hear Sir around somewhere, I knew he was nearby.  The wind whipped over me, as I shivered and tried to roll over. 

"Easy, don't hurt yourself thats my job." His hands slide around my back, and undid the hooks on my bra and tucked it into the picnic basket.  The tank top was lifted and replaced over my breasts and the clover clamps that were anchored on my nipples.  He then set to replace my clothing for us to leave. The ropes were taken from my ankles, and the socks removed.  He moved to untie the rope from the divider, before the synthetic rope was wound, and tied onto my wrists before my body.  I wasn't going to have much freedom of movement wherever we were going.  Sir carefully laid the blanket over my wrists.

I lifted my arms, looking at the rocks in front of me.  I supposed it could be done, but it was risky.  I motioned between the blanket and the rocks at Him. 

"Very Carefully."

I opened my eyes in disbelief and made a motion as if I would fall. 

"You won't."

What did he mean I won't? I had to use my hands to get up there, and balance.  I could use the blanket, but I have to make sure I don't step on it.  Cracked head=bad.  So I made my way over to the rocks, carefully attempting to use the blanket over my hands to get up on the rock.  I managed to get to my knees but I was stuck for a moment  futively moving the blanket out of my way, and trying to stand up.  I felt  my balance give way.  Suddenly his hand was there steadying me. 

"See you didn't fall. Now scoot." His hand slapped my ass, as I moved towards the rocks higher and higher up.  I landed on the grass and turned around immediately.  My hair was still up in a ponytail, and there was someone walking this way.  It was going to be blatantly obvious that I was gagged.  I put my head down, watching Sir climb the rocks, hoping he would move just a little faster.  The breeze hit me.  FUCK, my pants had a wet stain.  I was squirming, when he finally reached me.  I whimpered and tossed my head a bit towards the older couple that was following the brick path closer and closer to us. 

"Well why are you standing here, get to the car."  I whined and turned on my toes, practically running through the grass hoping to get to the car without anyone seeing me. 

"Thats a good girl." He opened my door, and let me sit down before he took off the blanket.  I turned in the seat, and waited for him to finish packing the car.  As He pulled out of the driveway, and back towards the house I leaned my head over and rested it against his shoulder.  His hand rested on my thigh where it could.  However at the red lights, he would tug and play witht he clamps, pulling and stretching them.  "Checking them" as he put it.  Of course we somehow managed to hit all three redlights. 

When we finally pulled into the driveway he pulled the chain from the clamp up  out of my green tank.  "Maybe I should lead you up to the house like this? What do you think?"

I shook my head no.  Too many neighbors, too many busybodies who would be looking out the window.  It was going to be hard enough to avoid them seeing the gag.  His fingers reached up and pulled the hairtie free from my hair, and arranged it a bit so that it would cover the majority of my face. He got out and made one trip upstairs to the apartment before he came back to let me out of the car.  The chain was tucked back into my fleece, but not my shirt. 

I stepped from the car, and His hand grabbed the rope on my wrists, pulling me behind him and up into our apartment.  I kept my head down, hoping no one would look at me.  That was the last thing the neighbors needed to see.  Me gagged, bound, and trussed up walking through the common area of the complex. 

The door was unlocked, and he pushed me inside first.  His hand grabbed a fistfull of my heair and lead me over to his chair.  Stern guidance in his grip forced me to my knees.  His hand reached for the clamp chain and gave an instent tug as I lifted my eyes to him.  His other hand was on his jeans, undoing his belt, and the zipper.  Fire lit my eyes as I realized what he was after.  IF I could have licked my lips I would have.

One of the clamps sprang free from my nipple.  I screamed, muffled by the gag, and leaned forward, putting my forehead against his thigh.  My thighs were growing moist again, it wasn't a shock, I adored the pain that came from them being removed.  I took a few breaths, to calm myself before I felt the head of his cock, slapping my cheek. 

Piteously I looked up at him,"Eese? Ease er" Sadly the gag was in tight, I couldn't spit it out.  How badly I wanted him inside of my mouth, inside of me.  He only smacked my other cheek, and gave me that sadisitc fuck of a grin.  I closed my eyes, why would he deny me, I was trying not to get upset.  Suddenly the other clamp was torn from my nipple.  I gasped, eyes flyhing open.  The gag fell from my mouth as I was panting.  Had I not been attempting to recover my breathing from the last clamp, I would have eagerly sought out his cock without a thought.  Not that it would matter.

The head was pressed past my lips as I took a breath in.  It was instantaneous.  My tongue flicked out to meet the very tip, wrapping drool covered lips around the shaft.  A moan called from somewhere deep inside of me before I contiuned my adoration of him.  Dark lashes filtered the smoldering gaze that lifted up towards him.  I could see the desire in his eyes, the fire that matched my own.  My hands were not of any use as I began to bob back and forth over him, hungry eager for his pleasure. 

Too quickly, I began to speed up, furiosuly sucking on him.  It was suddenly like that first night when he had returned, I had no patience, I wanted him, and only him, and I wanted him now.  How beautifully he was playing with my body.  His hand gripped my hair, painfully pulling me free from him.  Teasingly, he brought my head closer, jsut out of reach.  The tip of my tongue was trying hard, ignoring the pain as he tried to pull me back.  It was useless.  I sat back on my heels and waited.

"Its not going to be that easy.  Not this time.  Stand up, I want you naked."

Thoughts...

Last night, I was invited to go out to dinner and drinks with Audra, Ben and Freaky.  Audra is Ben's wife, and Audra owns Ben.  Freaky is the one that is highly interested in me.  We had chili's and then went to a small local little dive bar.  It was a good relaxing time.  Of course, after the bar closed we went out to the parking lot, and stood around talking for a while.  

It was starting to rain a bit, so I took off the sweater I was wearing so that only my tank top would get wet.  Mind you before this Audra was a bit intrigued by my breasts.  It was amusing becuase she started off more poking them, one of those. " Oooh, its fluffy" " wow.. it jiggles, I mean it moves?" It moved from the poking to lifts of intergiue, and then turns into a giggle fit of Oooh this is fun.  Mind you we're standing in the parking lot, and Audra is now slapping at them and making them move, jsut because she is suddenly intrigued with the fact that they move.  I was laughing my ASS off! So was Freaky, and ben and krystal and laughing into each others shoulder laughing hysterically.  With Ben going "oh my gawd shes acting like a 13 yr old boy."  It was entertaining to say the least.

Which also brings up another question-  I was telling Freaky about your conditions, and Audra wanted to know if Ben was allowed to be around for anything non-sexual that happenedto help with things if Ben didn't touch me in any way? Audra uses Ben as her right hand. 

That is besides the point. 

One of the things I have been thinking about more recently is about what happened the last time I played with someone other than my Sir.  aka my Birthday spanking gone terribly wrong.  I have put a good deal of thought into this, and my reasons are this-

I've only really played with my Sir or had him there when I 've tried something new (the violet wand) and I think that to an extent I take scening, or playing or anything of that like as something special, something that I am not exactly going to willy nilly go out and do with whomever feels that they would like to play with me.  Its part of me that its something close to me, its not something that I take lightly.

When I had that spanking, I didn't get the closeness of the aftercare that I typically enjoy with my Sir. I know that my Sir is looking out for me, even when I'm left tied up for a bit.  His hands are on me, rubbing my back, soothing me.  Or when I'm released I'm curled up on the floor by or under his feet on my blanket.  For me thats a contact thing, I'm in his little bubble im still close to Him. 

I think that becuase I was left at the hands of people that I didn't know it was difficult for me to take.  In addition that my Sir wasn't there.  Then there was the lack of my prefered but of after care.  Wrapped in a sheet and for the most part allowed to just lay on the floor, by myself.  my Sir wasn't there near me, and no one really stepped up to take that not that I would have wanted someone to.

I have already brought some of this up with Freaky- about what happened last time, How I feel about things- that I don't take play lightly, and that I need to be in the proximity of someone should play take place.  She is very understanding and knows how I feel  when it comes to both playing in general and about aftercare.  She has gained alot of my trust, and I think thats a good thing. 

Well you've logged in now...

♥Always♥
your wench

Unbelievable...

I'm writing this certainly early for the day, but at this point I have to write becuase for some unknown reason it is not only all that I can think about, but on the forefront of my mind that I cannot sleep, even when I was trying to. 

I am sitting here in shock, not a bad kind of shock, maybe actually a good kind of shock.  I'm not entirely sure why but I am here to make a stab at it and here goes.  Tonight my Sir and I had a pretty deep conversation that had it occured a year ago would have easilysent us both packing in opposite directiosn fuming.  However tonight it was open, direct and honest communication from both sides. 

It to me is not about the topic of the conversation persay (though I will write about that later on).  It is more important to me that we HAD that conversation.  That things ideas were exchanged, met with a pair of open minds, thinking with concern and focus for US and our relationship.  It shows perfectly the growth that we have undergone, the new found strength of our relationship and the ability to speak more openly about certian topics instead of bottling them up or hiding them is HUGE for us. 

I am blown away by that more than anything. 

The exact topic of the conversation while it had a fair chance of being brutal and damaging was not.  Cocneres were voiced, boundaries were set, rules and restrictions put in place, and talk of desires, hopes and wants also came out.  It was again a conversation that as much as it made my heart skip a few beats and minorly panic, made me feel that much more safe, and secure in Him. 

*lets out a deep breath not that it was pent up, but just becuase*

I really am in a blissful state of shock.  Thats the only way to really explain it, and there are very few words past that.  


The topic of conversation was me being able to play with someone, who was not my Husband. IT had always been something said that I hadn't ever thought would ever come to fruition was that I was allowed to have fun with whomever I trusted provided it doesn't have a penis or is male.  The opportunity has made itself blatantly apparent and my first stop was- Sir... your thoughts? Did you really mean it? Would you be upset if I did something?

And again it was an open conversation that started there and took off to several things that both of us knew would have a bit to do with the subject.  Considering our past it was going to be a "hot topic"but along with other things we have worked on, we were able to discuss it, rationally and come to settled point on the matter and move on.  Do I know for sure if I will play with her? I don't, but if I should i know where the lines are.  I am not going to leave my husband for anyone else, so there is nothing that he nor I needs to be overly concerned with.  In addition, in the future I am going to be as open minded as I can  about the possibility of my Sir and I having someone to play with.  As an us thing, a unit a team,  not just one side or the other, but both of us.  That sense of security- that my Sir understand where my insecurities and issues lie, that he can see them from that far away and be ready and there to help me with them, and work through them has me absolutely glowing right now. 

Time to try and sleep again....

♥Always♥
Your wench


Oh and before I forget.  The rules and conditions that have been set into place are as follows--

0.  If at all possible my new piercing is to be left alone and un touched.  My Sir is to be the first to toy and play with it.
1.  I want pictures of you all tied up in a nice neat little bundle....
2.  No assistance to be given by a man at all while your being played with....
3.  When He get's home....at some point, He gets to watch me being played with.

What an AMAZING night!

I am writing today's entry on the early side.  Though considering its contents I suppose you could say late.

Last night my friend Miss Inigo (aka Sue) invited me to come to the Society with her.  I haven't seen her in a while and I needed to get out. Also krystal was coming down for a bit of time, so I thought it would be a good experience for her to get out meet people and relax.    Going to the Society was awesome.  Its a different sort of place, with some very cool people.  It was much better than the last place I had gone over the summer.

So the evening started off with a "scene auction".  Essentially when you attend an event you get society bucks, and then you can use these at the auctions  to purchase a scene.  A submissive can go up and offer to be the target for a scene, or a top can auction off a particular scene.  People were giving away massages, rope bondage, needles, it certainly seemed interesting.  What really sparked my interest was that one of the tops to be auctioned off was reffered to as " person N's hard limit." It made me grin. 

After this I got a tour and then sat down on the couch relaxing.  The top from the auction came in and began chatting away.  I will refer to her as B for now.  B came over and sat ont he couch with us, and thats when it started.  MY friend ended up leaving early after she had a scene with someone she had promised a sub the previous week so she was otherwise occupied.  It happens. alright so back to what I was talking about.   We're chatting with B, explainging that I'm married, owner by my Sir who is overseas, but Krystal looks to me as her Domme and is purely service oriented. 

Thats when in walks D.  B's husband, so cute! In a purple and black dress, eyemake-up I was jealous of, and looked so damn happy, it was amazing.  Also in walked their friend F, on her feet were the most amazing boots I have seen in a long time.  Shortly there after the cozy room got an imprtomptu figging demo.  From the looks one D's face, I don't think I want to try figging personally.  for someone else maybe but maybe not me.  unless I've been REAAAAAAAALLLLLLLY bad.  who knows maybe I'll like it. 

Well  B invited myself and krystal to watch their scene, so we moved out to the main room, where D was saran wrapped to the wall/posty thing.  It was certainly a new experience to watch that.  B and F gave him the beating of likes I've not seen , and I know that I am not ready for something of that magnitude until Sir has been back for a while and I've been worked up to it.  

Interesting note- D curses and yells and screams out in foreign languages.  I think I learned how to say "god damnit that hurts" in german. 

After the scene, krystal looks at me, and says maybe its a good thing I didn't ask about having my flogging cherry popped.  Well if thats not asking for it ( cause i do that alot) I don't know what is.  I politely turnd to F and B, and politely asked if they would be interested in popping someone's flogging cherry.  Their eyes lit up like tree lights on Christmas morning.  So krystal was strung up on the chain web and given her first ever flogging from B and F.  It was amusing to watch, and after D came out of subspace still wrapped in his blanket was fetching evil floggers for krystal to feel. 

At one point Krystal looked at me and said, " Can you turn around please?" then looked at  the Domme's beating her and said," Can you pull down my shorts- It feels like that last one cut me.  D turned to me and said," why do you need to turn around?" and I responded with " Becuase its an understood rule, that there is no nudity between the pair of us out of respect for the relationship I have with my husband. I don't see krystal, krystal doesn't see me. " D's response,"Thats honorable... wait are you catholic?"

When that scene was all said and done... the party was over this was near 2 am.  After conversaing and hanging out in the parking lot, we decided it was probably best that we go out for a bite to eat or something instead of standing in the cold parking lot for  a few hours.  Krystal and D are like sisters seperated at birth in more ways than one.  B F and I hit it off in general.   So off to Denny's we went.

Breakfast equally amusing... lots of chatting getting to know people, watching D slide against the seat with all of the welts, thinking the waitress was a domme, discussing the various outfits people have been seen wearing at walmart.  Then we went back out tot he parking lot to head home, more talking and chatting more agreements to hang out sometime soon...

I had a great time, it was amazing to get out into public especially in the scene.  Did I also mention that F likes needles and likes to suspend people, and B likes to cut?  New experiences for me :D not that I can take pictures at the Soceity but it would certainly be something to try.  I'm really glad I met them, and I can't wait to hang out again.

I also can't wait for them to meet you my Sir.  I think I'm fucked with all the devious and sadistic thoughts that could be formed.  Besides, they are all really cool, and I think you'd like them too. 

now that I finally wrote that out, time to go grocery shopping and get some stuff done. 

♥Always♥
Your wench

Minor Moment...

It is more than apparent that at times I can be extremely insecure.  It is something I struggle with but something htat I am working through and doing my best to overcome.  It is also something that I know that I cannot do by myself.  I have to be able to open myself and be that vulnerable to allow it to happen, to show my insecurity and have it countermanded so to speak.

My Sir knows better than anyone how insecure and panicky I can be.  This afternoon was an example of such, but I am writing about it so that I can see it, and so can my Sir. 

The mail came in today, and in the mail was the credit card statement for one of Sir's credit cards.  I glanced over it becuase I saw the balance was getting a little too high for where we want it.  As I read down further, I noticed that there were two charges to a well known online camera business.  I don't think I need more details than that.  The charges were made shortly after he had returned to where he is stationed.  The girls on the other end of these camera's will typically do nearly anything in hopes of garnering more money to be paid.  

Despite the fact that I once worked for this company, i am stuck in a catch 22.  I used to work there, I know what girls, do, I know what they will do, and I know how men are on the other side.  DEspite the fact that I worked there, it gets under my skin becuase I know that there is a girl somewhere taking oreder for him and playing as he commands her to.  I know that it is our times that don't line up but on the inside I desire to do that for him.  To be the girl obeying and pleasing him.  It stings that I cannot be that girl and rears the ugly head of my insecurities that he isn't coming for me, but seeking his pleasure elsewhere.

It  can be hard for me to getpast my insecurity when in my heart I want to be the one to please him, and squirm on the other side of the camera and do all that he wishes.  It is moments that when I read tha ton the bill, I have to stop and remember that despite the fact that he goes to the webstie, in about 8 weeks when he gets home.  it will be ME naked and squirming at his feet, wearing his collar, lockedin His chain and held perfectly as his. I have to beat down the insecurity with the fact that for nearly a month since then it has been me that he tells over and over how much he loves me, Misses me and cannot wait to come home to.  To reassert the steel upon my neck and that I am "in for it" when he gets home.

I love my Sir with all of my heart and all that I am.  The insecurity that can rage inside of me is nothing compared to that, and is the greatest tool that I have to conquer and overcome it.  I guessin part that is why I am working so hard on my story trying to piece thigns together beautifully, perfectly so that he can see how deep my desire for him runs.  How much of a slut I wish to be used as, toyed with used as His beast and then tossed to the side until he is ready for me again. 

*takes a deep breath*

See moment of insecurity over.  I love my Sir and I cannot wait for Him to be home and to replace His steel on my flesh.

Imagination and Innovation

Tonight wasn't as productive as i had hoped but I still got alot done.  I am going tomorrow to go see about the job however the manager I would need to speak with was not in today.  So I am going to stop in again tomorrow and see what I can do *crosses her fingers* Wish me luck.


Obviouly I have been doing a whole lot of reading of Norman's books.  One of the things that seemed to intrigue me ws that girls were tossed a bit of clothing and told to make themselves a camisk.  I thought it might be an interesting suprise to make something that I could wear for my Sir to enjoy seeing me in.  Something that made a woman more than naked, something that was ready to be torn from her body.  After looking up several pictures of garments that were made online, I made a few sketches and decided o go buy some fabric today.  And a few necessary rops and pieces to help piece things together.  I plan to make a camisk, and or perhaps a kirtle we'll see how things work, and how my designs pan out.  I hope my Sir will like them, and find them pleasing. 

Is it potentially a bad thing to want to make myself something that I can wear around the house and feel more like me in? that I can ease in as myself without having to worry about what I'm going to wear? I understand that I am totally blowing the suprise element I had hoped for when he saw it for the first time, but I  am pretty excited about it, and I can work on my hand sewing skills.  And as much as it sounds like this is something for me, I want it to be for him as well, an outfit that was cheap, handmade but that he wouldn't mind seeing me in around the house... or tear off of me. whichever his desire might be.  

peaking of, time for me to go clear off the table, and put my first design to fabric. 

♥Always♥
His wench

Today was an interesting day, and interesting in a good way.

Tomorrow I am going to go apply for a job, I worked there before, and right now its a matter of- its a job, its like a step stone that I used before an lets hope that they will take me back *crosses her fingers*

my sleep schedule is getting a bit out of wack again.  And I need to get it back under my control.  I can and I will. 

Last night I learned how to read embers, and flames.  Something I will need to continue to practice. 

Love you my Sir.

♥Always ♥
Your Wench

He is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He is to be pleased and I am to be pleasing.
He commands and I am to obey.
why is this?

Becuae he is my Sir and I am his wench.

Not so good of a day...

started off rocky, but I had my Sir to talk to and it was easier to get through. 

Then I took a nap and overslept for going to pick up my sister, which had only been scheduled before I went to bed.  Dropped her off found out I need to bring mom to an appt on friday, and that I have to pick up  my sister fromt he other side of the state on saturday. 

And then mom drops the big ball... I have to decide if I'm going to try and sneak my cat into the apartment complex and have her here, or give her up and have her given to the cat sanctuary or the humane society.  

*sighs*

maybe I'll brainstorm the next chapter to get my head back in a better place.


♥Always♥
Your wench

Today has been a bit on the slower side.  I caught up on my sleep,  and still catching up.  Thats what I get for not sleeping when I should have.  Oh well, moving on.

I had a great talk with my Sir today, another one of those conversations that continues to make me feel more and more positive and anxious for him to come home.  I know things are going to be better this time, and that we will be so much better off.

Tomorrow I am going to check out a mobile home.  I'm going to need a very critical eye and be very awake.  I also got a date for our friends wedding, which happens to be the same day as our 5 year anniversary.  It will make things interesting for sure. 

I am going to make this short tonight, will write more tomorrow. 

♥Always ♥
your wench

Chapter 4

I lay on the dark blue blanket looking up at sky.  The waves continued to crash against the rocks nearby as I heard Sir moving about somewhere.  After the purple ball gag had been locked inside my mouth, I had been retied, and arranged on the blanket for him.  To anyone who looked down at us, It looked as if I was lounging on the blanket, despite how cold it was.  I was now laying parallel to the divider that was keeping the rocks in place.  My arms were tied over my head, secured to one end of the cement, and one ankle was now firmly held by the other end.  My left ankle was however bent, and the dark blue rope, conveneitnely matched my jeans from far away, as it held my calf and thigh together. 

I began to squirm and writhe, slightly chilled on the stones.  A futile moan was offered as I looked around for Sir once more.  The downfall of having breasts of my size, leaves it difficult to see over the large mounds of flesh when laying on your back.   I heard His sadistic chuckle,"Relax baby, I didn't leave you hear alone.  but I think its time you put your socks onso that you don't loose your toes." 

Sir moved down to my feet, and a gratefull sigh managed its way between the rubber ball and my lips.  The cover of the cotton felt wonderful, despite the current temperature and position.  I wriggles my toes int he socks, and let out a playful giggle.

"Its nice to see you in a good mood.  I'm feeling devious this afternoon."  Green eyes looked up at him, half in shock half in anticipation, wondering what could be brewing in His head.  Tan boots stepped up to either side of my hips, and Sit bent down, brushing his fingers over my cheek.  "This is almost reminiscent of that time by tthe ater in Maine.  However I think this wil be much more enjoyable.  The only question is..." the voice trailed as his fingers traces their way down along my neck.  "Where to start."

The fleece was pulled up over my chest, exposing my tank top.  "I think I will start here." I jumped as I felt the cold air rush against my skin.  He hadn't gone for my breasts, but unzipped my jeans sliding  them down and open.  Sir had stepped back and was now beside me, leaning over my body as I felt his fingers sliding down the front of my pants. 

" I wonder how the cold feels now." His arm pulled my thigh wide, exposing my sex to the cold.  What was more was it also exposed the small steel ring in my hood.  My body shivered and arched up towards him.   That evil laugh could be heard,"Oh, you like that? Interesting."  My only response could be a low moan from behind the rubber gag.

"Let's see exactly how repsonsive you are out in the cold now." His hand had barely moved when I shrieked and furiously began to squirm trying to bring my thighs together and hide it from him.  Truth be told, since the ring had gone in, I went from calm to the edge in about 5 second.  I wouldn't last, I couldn't last if he managed to...

"What have we here?" His arm kept my leg where it was no matter how much I tried to prevent it. His fingers pressed on the silken wet flesh on either side of the ring and began to rub in small insistent circles.   I attempted to cry out behind the gag, but it was firmly lodged.  I bucked, arching my hips up against his hand.  My eyes opened wide.  The laugh returned, though his hand remained where it was. 

I couldn't help it, as my body betrayed me, lifting and rolling up towards his touch.  His 'free' hand  pulled down the tank top, to allow my breasts to be pulled free from the top.  I whimpered behind the gag, and looked towards him pleading.  I was going to be exposed before him, and the water and possibly those who could walk by.  "What is this too cold? you can walk around in sandals but you can't have your nipples get hard?"

And they were, painfully hard at this point.  Not only had the cold begun to constrict the skin, but his hands were not idly resting .  They were pinching, pulling, twisting, forcing me to squirm and moan before him.  " Its a good thing I gagged you, or surely the police would have been here already.  My breath was going ragged, It was building, if he even so much as touched me, it would be over.  

"Eese.. Eese... er"  I was trying to talk from behind the gag, but it was obviosuly more than garbled.

"What? I can't hear you?" His hand gave a slap to each of my breasts, feeling them jiggle and bounce against the other, He went for a second, and a third before I tried again. 

"EEESE... EEESE... ER!!" Drool slid down over my cheek as I rolled my head to the side.  My hips rose once more.

"Please? Please what?"

A bunch of unintelligble nosies came out of my mouth.  I wasn't as skilled in the art of begging as some people.  "That would be better if I could make sense of that.  So unfortunately, no." I let out a whine as frustration was building.  His hand had taken on a rythmn to keep me sitting on the edge.  Inwardly I was cursing him, fighting the control and composure. 

A sudden flood of sensation blasted through my body as I felt him tug on the hood ring.  Unable to control it, I felt an orgasm wash through my body.  I cried out against the gag and squirmed in the new wet stain on the back of my jeans.  My body tensed, and I lay shaking at his side.  I felt the sudden pang of clips against my nipples as I fought to calm my breathing.  A few mummbled,"Thank you's" escaped as I rolled and tried to curl up, to protect my body. 

"Don't bother, I'm not done with you yet.  Not by a long shot."


... more to come soon...

Productive!

I may have stayed up all night in order to get my sleep schedule back to psuedo normal, but I got alot done today.  Here's my checklist--

Laundry- done
cable bill- Paid
Call about trucks- done
Call about the mobile home- done
Clean the bedroom- done
Get Lego's into the closet- done
take out the trash/spare boxes -done
find big bag of twizzlers- done
Continued work on secret project- done

I feel like I got alot of things accomplished.  But at the same time because of things dsicussed before my nap, the job front is a little slow, so it leaves me a little worse for wear. Its a topic I try not to focus on, becuase it brings me down.  I know its not something I can avoid, or jsut ignore and hope it goes away.  Its  more like hmm maybe the appropriate metaphor is the elephant in the room.  I know its there, Sir knows its there, I don't need to acknowledge it, but I am feeding it and making sure its taken care of.  Just like me trying to find a job, I'm doing it,im just not letting it totally absorb me and drag me down like it could. 

I took a couple hour nap earlier today to help get me through this afternoon.  I am actually wondering ig I am going to pass out exceedingly early but im not keen on it.  We will find out how long before I faceplant on my keyboard aka the wasd stamp.  Its time to go finish cleaning the kitchen after dinner.   I had the Blue box Blues!

♥Always♥
Your wench


He is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to obey. 
He is to be pleased and I am to be pleasing.
why is this?

Because He is Sir and I am pierced.

:-)

Chapter 3

" Once you go around this corner Sir, you want to  stay to the right.  It's near immediate, you can't miss it." I was guiding my Sir towards the outlook.  The weather was nice, and not many people were out so we managed to get the parking spot at the very top of the hill.  It would make it easier for carrying things from the car.

"Well Sir there are a few different places we can go to have lunch.  Do you want to climb first, or bring lunch and stuff now?" I had opened the door, enjoying the fresh, albeit it extremely crisp air.  The waves werecrashing against the rocks below, just out of sight.  I was more than excited to get down onto the rocks. 

"Well how hard is it to get stuff down there?"

"Well Sir it depends on where you want to go and which way you go to get there."

" Grab the basket, we'll take it now." I reaches in and grabbed my purse with my socks and sneakers, and the picnic basket.  I was near giddy.  " Let's find somewhere a bit away from prying eyes, not that I imagine anyone else but you would be down here on a day like today." I could barely make out something that sounded like,' I can't believe I let her talk me into this.' I smiled and headed for the rocks.  I realized it wouldn't be the safest to head down  the small path of stones, it was too steep. 

Instead, I  began to walk towards the water, but up through the grass tot he other side, where it would be easier for us to hop the stones down towards the water.  The waves were pulled back, but it wasnt quite low tide.  I stopped in the grass, and examined the rocks before me.  This was about the spot I usually made my way down.  Sir looked at me, pondering for a moment if I had lost my mind.  " Here we are Love, we can head down here to find a good spot for the blanket. "  I kicked off my sandals and put them  the purple and black zebra purse with my sneakers.  The blades of grass were FREEZING between my toes, and I had a feeling that the stones were going to worse.  But I refused to let my Sir see that my toes were cold. 

Without another word, I carefully bounded down the rocks, toes gripping the little crevices, balancing carefully as I made my way to the bottom.  I set the picnic basket down, and then my bag.  I glanced back over my shoulder, to see where my Sir was.  He was just behind me, a rock or two behind.  I crouched down  and made the last hop down to the large rock, and giggled.  I left the other items there and scurried to the edge fo the rock.  The water was cresting jsut before the rock, rolling over and splashing about a foot or so from where I stood.

" Don't you fall in.  I'm not about to jump into that water after you."

" Yes Sir" I couldn't help but continue to smile as I turned about, and went back to help setup lunch.  It was a nice area over here, semi secluded from anyone else.  Save someone who might walk by above us.  Sir spread out the blanket, and I immediately pulled down the basket and my bag and set it upon it.  It was up against the stones so that we could lean back against them.  " Food now or time to go exploring?"

"Food first, then we'll have some fun."

The sky was mostly clear, and the water provided a subtle background as Sir and I ate our soup and snacked on the rest of our picnic lunch.  He didn't fail to notice that I took a corner of the blanket and hid my toes away.  "Cold huh?"

"Only because we aren't climbing Sir." I reached into my bag, and pulled out my socks to keep the feetses warmed while we ate.  I took Sir's bowl and and put it back in the basket, putting the majority of things away.  I curled up against his side, and relaxed there with him.  We watched several boats go by, and discussed the Light houses that we could see in the distance.  The large ferry boat passed into the mouth of the river accompanied by the annoying loud drone of its engines.

After a few moments, the noise was gone, and we were back to the tranquil tones of the water around us.  "If you want to go rock hopping, then lets do it now before it gets to chilly for your toes. " I laughed as I bent down and pulled off my socks," And don't fall in."

I began to head back towards the main outlook, there were lots of fun places on the way.  I cuffed my pants so that I wouldn't trip.  Sir wasn't behind me, he was still watching my from the blanket.  I grinned and hopped over a couple of rocks, balancing as I debated which path of rocks I would take.  Unknown to me, Sir had waited for me to start on my way so that I wouldn't notice when he reached into a hidden bag for a few pieces of rope.  Blissfully unaware, I continued to hop from rock to rock along the water line. 

I came to the rock, I have come to affectionately term, the "mermaid rock." It was straight out of the little mermaid, you could sit on it, and the waves crash around it like the scene in the movie.  It was awesome.  I enjoyed it.  I climbed up top and close my eyes, sitting there relaxed as I just listened to nature around me. 

"Alright Ariel, time to keep moving."

"Yes Sir." He had caught up with me. I laughed, and slide down from the rock. I lead the way as we continued our path towards the main landing point.  The fisherman were gone but signs that they had been there before were still present.  I sat over on my favrotie rock, and opened my arms hoping he would come stand with me.  He did so, and I gratefully wrapped my arms around his back and held myself against him. 

"Thank you for coming down here with me my Sir.  I know its not the most entertaining thing that one can do but I find it relaxing."  Sir began to run his fingers against my hair, and I grinned and relaxed against him.  A couple of moments passed, and then I felt him grab my hair.

" Now its time for the entertainment, wench." I gupled as I could only look staight up at his eyes.  " You have til the count of ten to get back to the blanket.  If I catch you before you get there, you're in trouble." I blinked, on the surface I was scared, could I hope rocks fast enough, who am I kidding I've been through this area several times.  I would just have to be careful, and take the path I know.  I could do it.  Underneath, part of me wanted to give in, and see what he had planned.  But the chase was part of the fun.  What would happen if I did beat him there. 

" Don't even think about giving up, You are to avoid me, except for going in the water.  You know better." A grins flashed over my face, mischeif sparkling in my eyes.  His hand held fast and pull my head back a bit more.  "Am I clear?"

"One Question Sir? Are you going to start counting before or after You let me go?"

" Smart ass." He leaned in and bit the side of my neck.  I arched my back closer to him, shivering with anticipation.  "After, and make it the count of five.  Stand up."

I slid from the rock and stood beside Him.  He sat where I had been," Ready?" I nodded," Good.  Go. One."

I spun and was across the main stone just as I heard two.  I began to make my way across, my eyes were on the stones under my feet, but I could still hear him counting.  I wasn't going to look behind me to see if he was following me, but his voice grew softer as I heard,
"Four!"

"Five!"

"Run slut cause here I come!"

I giggled and eeped as I continued to bounce over the rocksI hit mermaid rock, and paused to see where he was.  My Jaw dropped and fear hit my stomache.   I began to flee once more.  The blanket was far away could I make it.  How the hell had he caught up with me, damn him and his boots.  Really? how did... I had to stop thinking and jsut get across this last bit of stone and I would be free and clear.   I stopped to get a better stance to make my way down when I felt his hand on my wrist.  I kept my balance and attempted to wrench it free from his grip.  His other hand was reaching to his back pocket, and produced a rope. 

"Oh hell no..." ushered from my lips not realizing I was talking out loud. 

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing." I looked back and  made my moved, I jumped my arm outstretched I was now a bit away and he had to let me go or we both would have been hurt.  I grinned I was free, and I began to run again.  I landed on the last rock that I needed to hop.  I was now on the main rock, I just had to run. 

I screamed as I felt his grip on my hair. "On your knees, wrists behind your back." Damn I had been caught.   I fought the urge to struggle as His grip tightened, forcing me down to my knees on the stone.  I was so thankful I was in jeans.  The stone was cold through the denim.  His hands left my hair for a moment to wrap the rope against my wrists.  The tie was tight and secure there was no way I was going to get out of it.  He held onto the rope and ordered me to my feet.  I stood up, he wasn't expecting it when I started to run again.  The blanket was so close, I wasn't technically caught I could still move on my own volition.  I was three steps from the blanket when he caught the rope and pulled me back.  I lost my balance and fell back against him. 

"No, you don't.  You don't win, I caught you. I win.  Always. You should know better." His arm was wrapped around my chest, and the other was on my wrists.  I began to mutter when his hand slid up to my neck.  " You're supposed to say 'yes Sir' not mumble."

"Yes my Sir, you won... again."

It was like this that he pushed me back to the blanket, and put me on my knees in the center.  The other bit of rope was now tied from my ankles to my belt loops.  There was no way I was going to stand, I was stuck.  Thats when I saw the bag, waititng there for me to come back.  I began to stammer as He pulled my gag from the top of the bag, as if it had been waitting for me. 

"Open up like a good girl" and the gag was locked in place.


.... more to come...

Reflections of a cranky brat

It has been a few days since I've wirtten in my journal.  Its been due in part to me being otherwise distracted.  And not in the best of ways, but not in terribly bad ways either. 

I've been mudding alot the last coupld of days, which I've not been paying th emost attention to other things, like my journal.  Its most been an avoidance of today.  ITs out anniversary, yes its the 4 year wedding anniversary.  It is still a milestone, even though we both see it as small in comparison to december. Which is fine.  For me it was the, having to deal with te military potentially, and in effect doing a pretty damn good job, of keeping us form having any sense of quality time together.

I am not trying to sound petty or selfish, but its how I feel.  my Sir has a job to do and I understand that, but it in effect totally blows thatbecuase of demands on sleep, work, and various other things, Its reduced to a few moments.  I am totally selfish...


So in hopes of relieving my own selfish pressure and with any luck ridding myself of the cranky rut I've been in today, I got some work done on my Sir's anniversary gift.  Of course I cannot go into too much detail here... but I found im way too picky for what I want it to look like, how I want it to be, and all that.  I'm running into an issue where half of the items I thought I had I can no longer find, which is going to require me to go back into the dinosaur and pray that I can find them.  Its a bit on the ridiculous side.

Anyway...

I totally need to break myself of this, cause its going to drive me nuts.  I'm not talking the kind of nuts that I was before, the pre-meds freaking out... I'm talking the I'm too cranky for my own good and its going to piss of my Sir and get me into alot of trouble that will only make my mood worse. How do you break a bad mood  when the only real solution is two months away?  I need to be happy for waht I do have.  I can sit and watch him on the camera.  I know he is safe, and I know he is alright. 

Its just another drop in the bucket, and he'll be home soon.  And he'll be home for the bigger anniversary this year.  The anniversary of Five years in my Sir's collar.   *grins*

♥Always♥
your pierced wench



He is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to obey. 
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?

Because He is Sir, and I am His.

How I feel...

I'm glowing... I'm shocked... and I feel like an utter slut.

I wasn't going to write this, but I feel I must, there is no other way to explain it.  Since we have been together, there was something that you had always though I should get.  Something that scared the HELL out of me.  Something that a few years ago I told you I was willing to do.  And now... I've done it.

I had no idea I could feel this way, and its incredible. I can't explain the feeling, but I have it.  When a girl on Gor gets her ears pierced she has no other coice, she will typically be a slave and nothing else.  Well with wht I have I feel...

I can't put words into it.  I feel owned, I feel loved, I feel marked, I feel special, I feel more of me, I feel like more of a slut, an absolute beast for nothing but the wanton pleasure of my Master.  The idea runnign through my head f what couldpossibly be done with it turn me on as much as the fact that I got it done.  that I managed to go and get it done, by myself, without need you there, so that it would be ready by the time you were home. 

I feel like I'm in the process of preparing myself for you when you get home.  And whats more, I feel like getting this done,  I can't find the words but I want to cry, good tears, and I can't figure it out. I feel like a beast, an animal of pure lust, and desire, wanting nothing more than to see to my Sir's pleasure and then some.  The only thing that went through my head was that this was something my Sir had wanted, and i was going to get it done. 

I lay back in the chair, well table thing.  And got all settled in for the piercing.  and I should have known, but as she had me take several deep braths, I had to pull apart my lips to make sure that she could get the piercing jsut right.  And the needle slid through that tiny, small piece of tissue- It was a firce pinch, a sting... and then it was gone.  The only thing I could thing of whas that I had the piercing my Sir wanted.  One that wouldn't grow out, one that would give my body any hassle.

I am now a ringed wench. 
I can be led around on a tiny silver chain connected to this new ring. 
I can attach a chain from this new ring to my nipple clamps.
I am my Sirs slut...

I have my Hood pierced.
A small steel hoop.

I had to go buy wipes at the store to clean it and as I walked around, I felt different.  There was a new sense of pride in my walk.  I can't explain it and I can't place it.  I'm glowing... and not jsut becuase it adds a little extra stimulation but.  I did it, I have it pierced. 

It feels amazing, and I want to show you, I want you to be proud of it too.  I want you to be able to do all those evil things that I know are running trough your mind as you read this.  I want it to hit you as hard as it hits me as I type this. 

I'm a pierced slut, a ringed wench.
But so much more than that I'm yours.
That I could push myself past that pain and the fear of OMG there is a needle going mere hairwidths from my clit.  
And I did it. 

I love you my Sir...
with all that I am.

♥Always♥
your newly pierced wench

He is Master and I am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I obey.
He is to be pleased and I am to be pleasing. 
why is this...


Because he is my Sir, and I am his wench.

A day of good things...

Today has been nothing but good.  I can't really say anything bad about it at the momet.  I woke up before noon *high five* to the mailman at the door with a pair of boxes.  In one box was the rogue Shadow lego, and the other, I had to force myself not to tear open.

The collar my Sir bought for me came in.  Its absolutely beautiful.  He said that it was not allowed to touch my neck.  And it didn't.  I opened it, unwrapped it with absolutel reverence, not breaking the tape, or the paper it was wrapped in.  And all I could do was stare at it, and hold it and think about everything that it meant.  I adore it, and I cannot wait until my Sir can put it on my neck, I really cannot.  It really made my day, to no extent.  I then repackaged it into the the tissue paper and the wrapping paper and tucked it away in the box. 

Then I hung around for a bit waiting to see if Sir would come online.  And he didn't, but that is how things go while he's over there.  No worries there.  So I went out to the store and got a few things done that i needed to.  The entire time I kept thinking about the collar that was sitting on my table.  The collar that my Sir had chosen for me, I jsut couldn't... Its all I've been able to think about. 

I came home and read my email, to be given dates for when he will be home.  It was absolutely incredible, still is, I can't believe it, and I am so... elated.

After things of the day, I was pretty well focused on my Sir, and our relationship.  And how things have been going.  I decided to do something as a suprise for my Sir.  I know he will see the charge for it.  I haven't decided if I want to tell him now, or wait until He is home.

And until I decide I can't write about it in here :( maybe I'll hand write it in the other journal.  *crosses her fingers*

♥Always♥
Your wench

Missed...

I have missed the last two days of journals.  There really is no excuse.  I spent last night back at the ER for the pain I was in.  Got there at midnight left at 3am, it was wonderful.  I am doing better again today and however, I managed to sleep all freaking day.  Didn't get to sleep until 4am, was up at 9 to call the med line, and talk to my doctor about the cyst, then went back to sleep until 4 this afternoon.  The night before that I was in the ER with Tiffany. 

I've spent far too much time there.

I'm done with it.

So I am writing this early.

I miss you my Sir, its been a few days since I've seen you.  I'm trying not to be worried, but I'm managing.  I'm going to go make myself something to eat, Ill write some more later. 

♥ Always ♥
your wench

Sir sat down in his chair next to me and began to run his fingers through my hair. I smiled and snuggled closer of my own volition and nestled against his leg. I rested my cheek against his jeans and closed my eyes. this was where I belonged, this was what I loved, the quiet moments, the tender moments. Not that I didn't also adore the streetched out, chained up, getting hit with various implents part too. That always reminded me of how much he loved me and how he would take care of me, bringing me to the edge, and pushing me.


"I'm glad you didn't sleep the day away."

He began talking and we exchanged the usual pleasantires, how we slept, how breakfast went. Then it was time to discuss the day. It was a Saturday, I had the next few days off, and Sir was mainly about relaxing and us jsut being together. It was perfect for me. I would have been content staying by his feet and watching a movie, but it seemed he had other plans.

"Is there anything you'd like to do today?" He asked. Mischeif lit up my eyes as the answer he knew was coming was nearly whispered so un-innocently towards him. " And I don't mean me, wench." ith that he ruffled my hair a bit rough, as if trying to shake the thought of sex from my head. It was glued, doubtful it would ever come loose.

"Well Sir... we could.." I paused a moment to think what was possible to do with the day. It was warm for november so doing something outdoors would be fun, but naked would be a bit nipply and extremeties might get too cold if my whole body was exposed. And then it hit me.

"Could we go down to the water and climb on the rocks? maybe bring a lunch or something so its not totally boring for you Sir." He leaned back in his chair and i kept my chin on his knee. He was thinking I could tell by his face, the only question was, what in hell was he thinking. It looked like he might say yes but he could say no. He turned to look towards the kitchen, and then looked back towards the television.

"You know, why not. I'm going to step into the bedroom for a bit, and why don't you pack up something for lunch, we can certainly head over there. " I kissed the top of your knee and headed to the kitchen to make some lunch for us. The rope trailed behind me as I went the loong way to the shelf, passing by the table and the counter as i moved. I grabbed a few small plastic bags, and packed some pretzels and snack. I filled out nalgene bottles with water and took out a few propel packets just in case.

The door to the bedroom closed when I went to the fridge to decide if I was going to make sandwiches or heat up some soup to bring. I still had tiffany's picnic basket and I knew I could use that to bring lunch in so maybe some soup was in order. I heard something open, but all the noises were muffled in the distance. I had no idea what was going on, but oh well, maybe he was looking for a disc of some sort.

The cream of chicken soup was warmed and inside a container to keep it warm for the short drive out to the water. Five minutes from the water is not bad. Everything was ready, and packed in the basket on the table. Bowls, spoons, sammiches, snack, drinks. Check. Wait no. I turned to the cupboard and grabbed a blanket and set it on top. now we were set for a picnic. As comfy as the rocks are, the blanket would help with the cold when we sat down to eat.
"Sir? Can I come in, everything is ready except for me?"

The door opened and everything looked normal nothing seemed to have been moved but his comnputer was off. "Sure baby, get dressed and I'll walk the puppers and pack the car." Without a thought, he bent down and untied my ankle so I could put on some pants. " Oh and there is a little something on your desk chair, make sure you wear that today." I glanced to the chair. I saw something on it, it looked like one of my shirts.

"Yes Sir" and with that I turned to get ready for the day at the water. I pulled on my jeans, and grabbed a tank top, and tipped over the back of the chair to see what was on it.  It wasn't my shirt, it was my black fleece.  And underneath it something I wasn't sure I would ever think he would want me to use, or thing to tell me to use.  I tilted my head and stared at it for a moment.

Underneath my black fleece was two small black weighted balls connected to a string.  I was in a bit of chock, Sir never picks out my the toys from my drawer.  Thats not usually him, I tip my head like the puppy does when he's trying to be cute, only I am confused. I scratch my head, and reach for it, sliding my jeans down jsut enough to pop them inside of me with the little plastic cord outside of me.  The denim slides back up over my hips and adds just a light bit of pressure.  I toss the fleece over my head and glance around.  I know where we're going, I know I will want to be barefoot. But I know that he'll want me in real shoes. 

"Sir? You in the house?"

"Maybe..."

" Sir can I please wear my sandals so that I can climb the rocks easier..." Oh crap I can hear him laughing, thats the you really think I'm going to say yes laugh, quick avert tactics. " I will bring my sneakers for when we are done, if we do anything else and if my toes get cold. Please my Sir?"

"Alright, but you better bring your sneakers.  Don't be sly and 'forget' them."

" Thank you Sir." I bound out of the bedroom door socks in hand and flip flops on my feet and kiss his cheek.  "I love you."

"Wench. "

"Yes I am."

"Grab  the basket and your sneakers." With a grin on my lips I reach down for my sneakers by the door, and grab the basket with my other hand.  Sir has the blanket, which looks awfully bulky, and the keys holding the door for me to pass.  I make my way towards the car, and I can hear the bolt slide into place and  his boots on the stairs behind me.  Little did I know that Sir was planning on being devious at the water.

I survived... somehow

Today was ludacris, and I don't mean the rapper.  IT started this morning, gentle easy... dr's appointment... came home to nap.... since all I'm allowed to do until Tuesday is sit and relax and not do anything. 

At this point this is where things start to get a little crazy...

Noon- Complex manager arrives to install deadbolt...
    New piece of equipment not working properly, can't put hole in the door
    Aha Eq fixed now we can install...
    Wait missing screws... oh well I'll get them later he says
    Now the holes aren't the right size.
    Just make it a litttle bigger...
    Nope wrong size, I need the other bit
    Its not fitting right...
    Alright thats set...
    I don't have a strike plate... ummm ....
    Fifteen minutes later... GOT ONE!
    The we chisel out the wood for the plate...
    Its not fitting right, oh wait, wrong way...
    IT works!
    LEts try the key...
    OOPH, alright Janelle will find some wd 40 for this bastard cause its a bitch to turn, Nope don't worry I'll take care of it. 

ITs now 3pm.  I jump in the shower, get dressed, decide im going comfy and in jeans.  No big deal.  Go tot he bank to get out some money for the raffles and the $10 at the door.  drive through ATM out of cash.  Go inside, theres a line to get to the atm, 2 people not long...

Get to the Benefit...

"Oh this is my neice, do you remember her? Oh well... *leans closer* They found a cyst on her ovaries too.  I don't want her to have what I do."

EXCUSE ME?!

If I wanted everyone to know about the fact that I have a cyst, I and I alone will tell them.  Fuck you.  I don't care if this is your own god damned benefit, you have no right to say shit about me. 

Insert a polite ten minute lecture on the anatomy and biology of a woman and the ovulation cycle and the rekease of hormones to produce an degg, and that a cyst on the ovary is a NATURAL, HEALTHY part of the female body. 

Go ahead talk over me about how I need to go see another doctor.  Fuck you.

*Walks away to go write up her raffle tickets*

Then I find a convenient excuse to escape early.  MY cousin's boyfrined broke up with her via a text message.  SCORE! " Let me go help her, and try to calm her down a bit before I need to to gdo the anniversary dinner.  Oh no its not a rpoblem."

Thank you for the excuse.  My cousin, doing alright, jsut stressed out and angry, and upset.  He took her virignity and dumps her "Maybe after Football season is over" Jackass...

Time for the Dinner!

Food awesome.
Family dramaless
Slideshow... everyone around me was crying when they put up pictures of you in uniform.  I managed to sit there and smile becuase I am proud to be your wife, and I had no reason to cry.  I think they might find me cold, oh well.  You're coming home soon, I'm not going to get emotional. 

Oh and then your mother's new husband pulls me aside and tries to give me a "fatherly lecture" that the next time I have to go to the hospital I should really make sure that I call them so that they could be there for me.  Sure you want me calling you between sobs and screams of pain.  Sure.  No thanks. I was fine, yeah it sucked having to go, yeah I wanted my husband, but I am not calling everyone and thier mother so that they can show up  to be with me.  I'm all set. 

I left after desert was put out, becuase my stomache was starting to bother me.  I get two minutes from the house and I have to stop and a dunkin donuts to use the bathroom before theres an issue.   The hell is wrong with me today.

I make one last stop at the benefit to see my mother and father.  Give them hugs dance with my dad for a bit being corny and goober-ish as usual.  Then came home. 

I survived, not the happiest, not the smoothest... but I survived and no one has been hurt. :D

♥Always ♥

My journal for today is brought to you from the beach. Its comfy and  relaxing. Its a little colder than normal but its mostly the breeze but its still beautiful. The clouds over the sky are rather gray but the sun is peeking through at the edge,its kinda pretty. Today has been pretty laid back. I stayed mellow and low key, as per instructions from the doctor yesterday. I rested alot, cleaned the kitchen, took out the garbage and did a few small odds and ends type things around the apartment.
I did find an ad in the paper for a cashier on the Academy for their store, I'm going to stop in tomorrow as I didn't find it until late in the afternoon. I also have my follow up tomorrow morning at 9am. Woo hoo im so excited, and then it looks like a referral to some unknown GYN. Maybe I'll get lucky and it might be the one that I use normally. *crosses fingers*

And the BEST part of my day. Sir bought me a collar! and I've been daydreaming about it all afternoon. what it will feel like, if it will be a little lighter becuase its thinner, what kind of charm Sir might want to put on it, how it will actually feel on my neck, how I'm going to react once its one, if its going to bother me as much as christina's used to, and the most Vain part of it all- If its going to look as gorgeous as I hope it will on my neck. Then there is the fun question- if it fits and it fits well... will Sir get it engraved with anything special? I'm still all giddy, and Sir was right it does make me glow.

A solid, steel statement on my neck for a solid firm relationship between us, finally getting back to how things should be, and moving forward with that premise without any other baggage hanging onto us. A fresh new start, with what I see as a whole new level of strength.
With all the reading I have been doing, I am wondering how that new collar will affect me. I've done alot of reading about how for the girls in the books it makes them more beautiful, reinforces their place, it makes them look and feel more of who they are. Will it have


that same effect on me? Will I absolutely glow with it on my neck? Will it make me more attractive? a collared jingles? His collared wench?

Alright so I'm already glowing :P I can't wait until he can put it on my neck.

56 Days and counting...


♥ Always ♥
your wench

A little story part one...

It had been a fun night.  The details were a bit fuzzy, but the stiffness in my arms and legs were enough proof for me.  I closed my eyes once more and stretched lazily for a bit, when I noticed a slight weight on my right ankle.  I propped myself up on my elbows and pulled my ankle up.  There attached to my limb was the purple rope.  A simple tie, but one I knew not to remove. 

Our anniversary was still a few weeks away, so I was being made to wait until then before I saw the collar I was going to get.  but every morning there was a little something new attached to me.  One day it was a bracelet, another an anklet, sometimes a piece of string tied around my wrist, but today was different.  I was tied to something in the house.  The question was what...

I slipped from the bed, the air chill against my skin sending a few goosebumps.  I slipped a night gown over my head.  Not that it gave much warmth but it worked temporarily.  I followed the rope, out of the bedroom where I saw the other end tied to the doorknob on the backdoor.  I couldn't help but giggle, I had enough room to stay asleep, go to the bathroom if needed, and take care fo chores in the main room.  I smiled and headed for the fridge and a glass of V8. 

I forewent the glass and drank from the bottle, and noticed a small piece of paper on the table.  "Went to breakfast with my Dad, I'll be back around 11. -Sir"  I looked at the clock, it was 10.  I didn't sleep all that long, but I had enough time to take care of a few things.  I put the bottle of juice away and cleaned the dishes in the sink, and put the clean ones away. 

As I tended to my morning chores, I kept wondering what he had planned and why I was secured.  Not that i minded.  The rop as it followed me around the house was a consistent reminder of him, holding me, knowing where I was.  The only problem I had was putting one of the DVD's away.  I just couldn't reach that corner.  I got it close enough, it would work for the moment.  I finished up a fewodds and ends, and brushed out my hair in the bathroom.  the puppy stood in the doorway, tipping his head as he watched me.  he had chased both the rope and myself around.  A few times he almost got tripped up by the synthetic leash but managed to jump out of the way in time. 

I came back to the kitchen, it was nearly eleven.  I grabbed another swig of juice from the bottle and  a few pieces of sliced strawberries.  I knew Sir would be home soon, nearly everything had been taken care of.  The puppy and I had been fed, what little needed to be done had been finished.  There wasn't much, as I had been keeping up with things quite well.  Carefully managing the rop over the back of the couch, I sat beside his chair to wait for him to arrive at home.  I flipped on the TV and waited patiently. 

I heard the door down at the entrance to the building and the sound of feet on the stairs.  I left the television on, but I shifted so that I was kneeling by his chair when he opened the door.  I heard the key turn in the lock, and the door push open behind me.  " Oh good... you are awake..."

 to be continued... perhaps by me... perhaps by my Sir *crosses fingers*

Not how today was supposed to go...

I was supposed to go get my brakes done this afternoon.  It didn't quite happen. 

On my way to my parents house, I started to get some major cramping.  Like hard to focus, couldn't drive, I wanted to rip out the lower portions of my body bad.  I get to my parents house and I am jsut doubled over in pain, crying, can't do anything, hyperventilating and tearing at my pants. 

Dad takes me to the ER...

Long story going to go by real quick- Dr comes in, does a quick exam.  I get a shot in the ass, oooh pain meds were NICE.  I get a pelvic exam, and an internal ultrasound...


Diagnosis- A large cyst on my ovary- Otherwise I look normal and helathy and I am free to go on my way. 

Did I mention this took 5 hours from the time I got there until I was able to leave?

I'm tired, sore, and drained.  I'm going to lay down, but message me my Sir.  I want to talk to you... or type at least.

♥Always♥
Your wench

Last night Sir and I had an amazing conversation.  It was the kind of conversation that I wouldn't have usually expected to have had.  It was totally open, honest and clear, about a topic that typically may have stayed hidden and tucked away.  It is becuase of this conversation that I feel my Sir is stronger than He believes and our relationship is gaining the strenght and confidence that it has lacked for some time.

I'll explain a little bit of it.  My Sir was concerned that my worry when he comes home would be brought to life, even if inadvertently.  We discussed what happened last time, what hadn't gone right, and what was good, and how we can do better this time around.  We also discussed how amazing the two weeks he came home was.  how it helped solidify us, and how much it meant to us both to just have that time.  For him, for me, for us. 

It is my belief that not only did our two weeks with him home help us meld, but I believe that the fact that we have opened up to have that conversation last night, and the conversation itself has brought us even closer.  When my Sir gets home, it is my belief that this time when my Sir comes home that it will go much MUCH better than the last time.  I will know better how to handle it, to give Sir space without being too far.  I will be able to be there for him, without being too close, or over bearing.

The last few nights I've been able to watch my Sir as he sleeps, something I am doing right now.  It is a blessing to be able to do this.  I can see him, be with him ( sort of) and know that he is alright.  Its not something that anyone can have, that is an easy option for anyone to have at the moment.  I am extremely lucky to have this.  Being able to watch him, to me means as much as being able to physically curl up beside him in the bed, hold him close and know that he's alright.  And besides, he's handsome, and he's my husband, my Sir, of course I enjoy watching him. To the same extent he gets to watch me.  Its not something I am used to- having someone tell me that I am cute when I sleep, however I am enjoying it.  He watches over me, check in on me when he gets a chance.  It lets him see me at home, safe, relaxed and getting the rest that I need.

I am eager for what will happen in approximately 60 days, when my Sir will be home, when I will be able to sit at his feet and read a book when he needs to zone out.  When I can lay with my laptop on the bed while he does what he needs to.  When I can take him out to a random place and just relax, even if he needs to zone out.  the key to it all, and I think the key that we weren't able to find last time.

** To Just Be with Each Other**

There is no magical secret to how things will go or how to make them perfect.  All I can do is my best, and all he can do is his best, together we can do anything.  We will do anything. 

♥ Always ♥

Sir's wench



He is Master and I am am slave.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He is commands and I am to obey.
He is to be pleased and I will be pleasing.
why is this?

Because He is my Sir and I am his goober. 


 

There is the good, and the bad

I have finished the first 14 books by John Norman.  I have recently found that these books have been both good and bad for me, and it was tonight that I realized how much of each I am getting. It is helping me see things differently, and what I want, what I need, and that its not a bad thing to be who I am.  But at the same time I have moments like last night.  And I can't say much about it, he gave me an order and followed it.  Even though it bothered me and I didn't want to I still went to sleep or tried to. 

What my Sir doesn't know until he reads this is that I was upset.  I didn't want to sleep I wanted time to sit and chat with him, even if its only over webcams.  And being told that I had to go to sleep really stung for some reason.  I didn't want to, not at all.  So I put my cuffs on to go to sleep and tried to lay down.  I starting crying against the pillow.  Then I tried to lay at the foot of the bed, as if I was kept there at his feet to sleep.  that didn't help much either.  It made me wish for chians, so that I could struggle and not be able to move.  but it didn't matter,chains or not, I was to go to sleep, depsite how badly I didn't want to.  That I just wanted to lay there and talk with my Sir.  Thats when he saw where I was laying. He was pleased to see me at the foot of his bed, but it only made it worse.  I wanted him, I needed him...

I needed my Owner, I needed his touch.  And even though I couldn't get it physically, I just wanted to be there in some sense but I was told otherwise.  As much as its about communication, I couldn't do the but but but but last night, becuase it was his order.  I suppose that this is exactly what my journal is meant for.  And that is why I am writing this now and praying that he reads it soon. 


In other news, I went and bought a test tonight.  I'd be due for it tomorrow, and I thought it would be nice to have one on hand.  I could technically test now but, I'm going to wait... patience is a virture and something that I am still working on.

I love you my Sir. 

♥Always
your wench

He is Master and I am Jingles.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to obey.
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?

Because He is my Sir and I am his wench.

I think my mother is finally starting to realize that I am not a Catholic, or a church go-er.  When I brought my sister home tonight, my dad asked if I wanted dinner.  I wasn't hungry, and the thought of eating really hasn't been appealing to me today.  I didn't think it was a big deal, well it came up that I might be pregnant.

my sister starts claiming rights to be the "favorite aunt" so that she can spoil the baby, and she wants to be the God-mother. So I said politely, we'll have to see, but neither of us are ,really church kind of people, so I don't believe any potential babies will be baptized.

My sister said that she still wants to be a god-mother, we don't have to go to church to do something like that.  It made me smile it really did. My sister might  be open to the possibility of other religions and be involved.

It did bring up a valid thought- what are we going to do about that? We know that both sides of the family are going to be upset if we don't do something like that. But how much of it would be what we really want versus what family wants.  Its a valid thing to think about, jsut minor, nothing im stressing over.  I need to be pregnant first one step at a time.

I love you my Sir


♥ Always,

your jingles

This one is late again, I was out again tonight. 

this evening was spent getting things I needed to keep working on a certain anniversary present, standing on the rocks near a awesome looking bunch of washing crashing below me, and an overall evening of relaxing.  That has been the biggest point lately.  Making sure I stay relaxed, and its been working. 

But I have decided I am going to do a few other things.  One hour a day I am going to work on my Rune studies.  And another hour I am going to spen on something math oriented.  Just becuase those are two things I want to focus on. 

I have finally finished sweing the runner for the dresser, and the cloth for our altar space.  And I really like it so far.  There are a few others things I am thinking about adding, I need to make some final thoughts/decisions on that.  But I really like how it looks so far.  I can't wait for Sir to see it when he gets home :-)

I'm not sure if I wrote about it before, but I was turned down for the job at the telefloral company.  It kinda sucks, and I've not heard anything back from the other applicastions so after the holiday, its back to the grind.  *deep breathe* It will happen.

Also big week ahead of me, gandparents 50th anniversary, my aunts benefit, and this would be the week I find out about certian happy other things.  I am keeping my fingers crossed but I don't want to be upset if it doesn't happen.  *makes a wish*

Time to go, chatting with my Sir....


He is Master and I am jingles.
He is OWner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to obey.
He is to be pleased and I am to be pleasing.
why is this?

Becuase he is my Sir, and I am his wench.

I was going to write before I went to the lookout last night, but I had no idea what to write.  when I got home at 12:15 am, I was not only tired but still had no idea what to write about.  and I will more than accent the tired portion.

Then we fast forward to this morning.  I slept terribly, tossed and turned and I just couldn't quite settle down.  And last night I had gotten a call from my oldest younger sister.  To remind me about my mothers dr's appt today.  And to add on top of that she wanted me to bring my other sister to work becuase she was going in early.  At the time, I didn't think it would be a problem, the appt and her work time were close together it wouldn't be a real issue.  No biggie right?

WRONG. 

I'm on my way out to the car at 9am when my phone rings.  I was told mom's appt was at 10:30 this morning.  NOPE Its at 1:30.  So I tell mom to wake up the sleeping one becuase im not making 4 trips out there jsut for getting one to work, and then go back to get mom for her appointment. I go back into the house and lay down on my bed to try and squeeze in a nap. 

Phone rings again.  My sister is leaving without the other one she doens't have time to bring her ( insert the noise of the door closing).  so now I have to go to one way, head back this way to bring one to work, then find something to do with my mother for 2.5 hours until her appointment to drive her home.  And did I mention that I have to leave at 4:30 to go pick up my friend from work becuase she has no car?

LIVID.  I'm not a fucking free cab ride for anyone who needs a ride.  My ENTIRE day is now shot to hell, and no one really gives a fuck becuase everyone else gets done what they need to. All because someone refused to wake up 15 minutes earlier.  I'm done.  I'm ALL done.  I'm not giving anyone any more rides.  I need to take care of me and get shit done for myself, so really.  The next time you need something, call someone else, cause I am done being stepped on by my kid sisters.

There are now three catergories I am focusing on in this order of importance-
A- Things I need to get done
B- Things I want to get done.
C- Everyone else. 

done.  All done...

*makes the sign for all done in baby asl*

Love you my Sir, I will talk to you soon

* goes to lay down for 15 minutes before the cab driver takes off again*

Wild Wednesday

Today started off better today.  I woke up still kinda sleepy, but made it through. Got to spend some QT with my Sir via webcams, can't ask for anything better these days. 

I was massively productive and got many MANY things accomplished today.  There is more on the list for tomorrow.  However, I have to stop here for now as I have tiffany waiting to go out, but I wanted to make sure that I wrote before I left instead of after.

The best part of my night- getting to watch my Sir on webcam as he naps.  My Sir :D :D :D :D :D :D :D


Always ♥
jingles


He is Master and I am jingles,
He is owner and I am owned. 
He is to be pleased and I am to please.
He commands and I am to obey.

Why is this?

Becuase he is Sir, and I am his.

Off balance Tuesday...

I knew going into today that I had alot to do.  I had to pick up another aaplication, call the place I dropped an application off at, and get things ready for tomorrow. 

What I didn't realize is that I would have an interview today, and I went but it didn't go well, and then I decided to be proactive and go get that other application, only to realize after I had left and was halfway down the road to the highway that I had missed an entire section.  MY mood definitely dropped at that point, it was not so pretty.  I went home and continued to do the things that needed to be done... got my list together for tomorrow, started gathering up the laundry and all that such. 

They way the interview went and the fact that I was let go from the other job don't have me entirely hopeful on getting another job, and Its importnat that I get something.  Its jsut a matter of making them, see past the " I got fired" thing and see me, not whats written on the paper.

*le sigh*

Oh well heres to a productive day tomorrow. 

For tonight I get to see my Sir, and  he can see me.  So Its a good end to a blah kinda day.  I am thankful for the little things.

Oh... and a little something I know my Sir will enjoy.

He is Master, and I am jingles.
He is Owner, and I am owned.
He commands, and I obey.
He is to be pleased, and I am to please.
Why is this?
Becuase He is Master and I am jingles. 

Always ♥
Yours