Its been a little while...

I had been doing soo good, and then this last weekend and such, I've fallen behind.  *grrr face*

Let's see...

Saturday night I went out to the bar with Mel for a drink, It was really great to see her again :-) However to the dude who yaked in the parking lot, and left it there for me to step in... you suck.

Sunday was the day for Christmas trees and relaxing.  We found a gorgeous tree for our living room and its all pretty.  Then we had a nice relaxing enjoyable dinner with his grandparents, also fun.  Then we came home and vegged out some more.  ((seeing the trend))

Yesterday however was a big day... Sir met Melinda...



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He likes her! YAAAAY Everything went well we had dinner, and joked around at my expense, and they both had a grand old time.  It was wonderful.  I am sooo excited.  He was very glad that she insisted on meeting him before we went out this weekend to the Space.  He did talk to me this morning about how he felt the first time that I went to go sit with her.  But in the end he knew that all he had to do was call me over and I would be back at his feet.  :-)  My Sir rocks... and so does my Mel :P


They canceled my ultrasound this morning, so I'll be going tomorrow for that *fingers crossed* I'm nervous about it, but I'm also hoping that they are just gone... and can stay gone.  I'll have to see what happens.


♥Always♥
da wench

Communicating through upsets.

I had a job interview today.  I am hoping to hear back from them by the beginning of the week.  It should be a good job, It doesn't have as high a sales point as other stores, but we can see how things go.

Sir and I had a lengthy conversation of sorts about how I was feeling earlier today.  It was a good conversation that we needed.  It is one of those things that needed to come out.  I don't always let on to how much it stresses me out that I don't have a job.  It is still important to me that I get time with my Sir, quite important.  It can get under my skin a lot more than I let on.  It is still not an easy thing for me.

I am glad that my Sir and I were able to talk things through, and go from the angry frustrated state to communication.  I will admit that we both needed a moment or several to relax and let things ease back into normalcy.

The rest of this week is rather laid back, only a few things to take care of  this weekend- getting our tree. Otherwise we can relax and do a whole lot of not too much.  I am just glad to have the time with my Sir, and to be normal... well normal for us.  Cept the tickling... Gah its driving me NUTS giggles


♥Always♥
da wench

What am I thankful for...

On this holiday I thought it might be appropriate to write my journal on the things that I am thankful for.

*My Sir-  I am thankful that not only has he come home safely, but as did the rest of the his platoon, and company.  I am extremely lucky to have him in my life, I am a much better person because of him.

*Melinda- I am again lucky to have this woman in my life.  She makes me smile, giggles with me, protects me and of all things reminds me not to take myself too seriously and not to stress out...

*Miko- I wouldn't be me without her, she has helped me more than I can put into words.

*All of my family and friends...

This has been a very trying year for me, with my Sir gone, and working on my depression, keeping things in order and getting myself back.  I am happy and thankful that this year has gone how it  has progressed.  I look forward to all the great things to come in my life.

♥Always♥
da wench

Not really sure what to write about tonight.

Today was an odd sort of day.  It was alright, pretty good...  there were some meh moments, and a few times that Sir and I had to sit and chat about things.  I guess at one point I looked pretty pathetic and mopey.  It so wasn't what I had intended.

I am adjusting for the most part to my new collar.  Its still tough sometimes, I feel like I'm choking myself when I move on occasion, other times with how I am laying.  I'll have to continue to see how things go, usually with an adjustment I am fine.  It jsut is taking some work.  Its odd not to be wearing my Hammer.  thats for sure.

Back to looking at potential rentals with Sir...

♥Always♥
das wench

Day 2

My Sir had to report today.  Not a big deal, it gave me time to take care of the house and relax this morning and come down from the stress of yesterday. The day overall and my time with him has been very relaxing for us both.  He's had his time to unwind and adjust to being home, and not in a combat zone.  I as well have had time to adjust to having him home, taking care of him without being too much, and be able to settle things.

We have a few things to take care of tomorrow but for the time being everything seems to be going as well as can be expected.  We've been taking time for each other, and communicating, even through some of the tougher emotions.  I can honestly say that things are going much smoother than the last time he came home.  I am feeling very positive about this.

It's getting to be about that time of night again.  Everything is going to be shut off and it will be time, just for me and my Sir.

Sweet dreams...

♥Always♥
da wench

Thought of the moment...

I'm putting this here because I'm going to vent this...

He's home, and you've entered the phase of lets do all of this stuff now.  In a month you'll be over it, it won't really care, you'll leave us alone, and we can do what we want.  but why the FUCK can't and won't you do that now.  Really? What the fuck.  Seriously, give him  some quiet time, alone with his wife.  I am his fucking family too.

He's already fucking pissed at you because you not only paid no attention to what he said but directly did something he didn't want.  Now you want to go out and do something with him? Where the hell... ugh.

I vented its out... now I'm done.  Its up to him if he wants to go out tonight.  If it were up to me, I'd tell you to fuck off.

He's home!

He's home! Sir's home!

It's been a roller coaster of a day, but the important part is that my Sir is home.  I've  spent the day with my Sir and not been terribly stressed out.  I had an upset earlier today, and it took me a while to get through, but the important thing to me is that I got past it, and my Sir helped me through it.

Since then we've sat around and watched some movies- Iron Man 2 and how to train your dragon to be exact.   Sir put together one of his lego sets.  I think its really cool.  We had a yummy dinner of flank steak and potatoes. I'll remember a vegetable tomorrow I swear.

I also got my collar today.  Here's my picture-

I am such a happy girl.  Who wouldn't be.  The collar is taking some time to adjust to.  Its a different shape, in some places it feels tight, in others too loose.  Go figure...

Sir is watching football and I have a few moments to journal and update a few places.  I'm all excited though, tomorrow Sir has to go handle some Army stuff, and I need a game plan for myself.  what I'm going to do for the day, I definitely think I'm going to the gym.  It will be interesting to see how things go with my collar on LOL

Sweet dreams everyone...

♥Always♥
Your wench

 

Wake up!

Tomorrow morning... thats about all that I can think about.  tomorrow morning my Sir will be home, and in my arms, and in our apartment, and have I mentioned he'll be home?

I get my collar...
I get my Sir...

I'm really happy.  Ecstatic might be the better word.

Nice and early...
I need to sleep but I'm not sure how.

I have to say that having Melinda here for the weekend, has been a blessing.  She's helped me keep from thinking too much, and getting in over my head.  I am so glad she's been here.  Now I have everyone over for the night, I think Ben's gonna get tied up so that he can't move :D


I see my Sir in the morning!

♥Always♥
Your wench

2 nights... 1 day... and a wake up

I got new sneakers today... And they fit really well I'm happy.

I'm trying to remain relatively calm.  Things are going well, I did a little bit of shopping for final stuff, and I spent the day with Melinda who has kept my mind focused, despite my SEVERE aptitude for ooh this, and ooh that, and what about that, or this, or the other thing.

I'm going to go watch another movie, and relax for a moment or three.

I'll journal in the morning...

♥Always♥
Your wench


YAAAAAY SIR HOME SOON!

3 nights.... 2 days... 1 wake up...

Thats the countdown, and I am so excited.  I even learned what time he is coming in on Monday.

*deep breath*

I got several run around kind of things done today, and I went to Barb's friday night karate session.  She tested and earned her yellow belt tonight.  I'm so proud of her.  :D She did awesome.  Watching her inspired me a little bit.  I want to try it out, give it a shot, I think it might be something fun to try, and do.  I think it could be alot of fun.

I also went and got the puppy groomed today, Gordon's came through with Sir's mead, the house is still in good order.  I got the ponitac washed, and vacuumed out, IT looks all pertiful for monday.  I exchanged the sweater I bought so that I have something that fits to wear to go pick him up in.  *cheers*

The rest of this weekend...

Melinda is coming over to help keep me managably sane without counting every passing hour.  She is going to help me get the sewing machine working so that I can finish working on a secret project for my Sir.  Only hint.... it involves leather and wool.   I'll probably finish up a few little odds and end projects I have around the house.  And go buy myself a pair of sneakers- so that I have some sort of shoe to wear that isn't a flip flop (cause its too cold) and because the old ones are destroying the backs of my ankles.

Then sunday I'm having ben and audra over for the usual wine and needles sunday.  It will definitely help keep my mind preoccupied enough so that I'm not counting hours and minutes until I pick him up on Monday.  

Is it obvious I'm excited?
I mean the fact that I have near on everything done?
That I bounced in the middle of the parking lot?
The fact that I am DYING to have his arms around me?

Nope... not at all...


Until Tomorrow...

♥Always♥
Your wench

Four...

Or as my Sir puts it, Three days and wake up.  be here right around the corner.

I am so fricken excited, I really can't believe that he is going to be home.  He is finally going to be home, and its almost here.

Anyway, I finished all my cleaning today.  All that is left is to keep up with how things are right now.  I have a small list of other things I want to accomplish in the next few days, but its nothing major.  A few odds and edds to tie up before my Sir gets home.

Friday I am going to see my friend earn her belt.  She is a larger woman, and wants me and a few others there for moral and emotional support while she goes for her belt.  I am touched that she wanted me to support her, so I will be there tomorrow from 6-730 or so.  After that I'm going to head back home for dinner and then relax.   Past that I know that Sunday I am having the gang over for Wine and Needles Sunday, and at some point this weekend, Melinda and I are going to hang out.

Then on Monday morning or so at some point I get to drive up and go pick up my Sir!

I've really enjoyed getting to talk to him the last few days, and I'll get to talk to him everyday until he gets home.  I just cannot wait to pick him up.  I'm really excited is it obvious?

I'm going to go do some reading and relax for a bit before I go to bed.

♥Always♥
Your wench

Stateside!

I got the best phone call I could have asked for today.  My Sir is stateside, and in Indiana, getting ready to come home.  *Does the wicked happy dance* The first group of Soldiers came home today, and it looks like my Sir will be home on Monday :D  I'm so excited, like I can't sit still.  Well I can it just takes a lot of focus.  I can't say I am focusing very well.

Well at least not on anything other than "Monday".

I've had this list for two weeks of everything that I wanted to get accomplished before he came home.  I've been knocking off a few things everyday, because somethings just had to wait.  Suddenly this evening, I've jsut had this huge burst of " Get it DONE!" I dusted every shelf,, swept and hand washed the kitchen floor, sorted through the trash, started a pile of things to donate, organized a bunch of stuff in the kitchen...

That doesn't include what I've done earlier today.

Time for bed...

♥Always♥
Your EXCITED wench

Eight...

Eight is a magical number...

Its the number of days until I get to pick up my Sir and bring him home.

I got that news this morning, well this afternoon.  As I type this I am fairly certain that he is somewhere between I'm guessing Ireland and being stateside.  At least that is my guess I don't know anything for certain, not until my phone rings to tell me that he is on this side of the Ocean.

I cried this afternoon, a happy cry.  I was just overwhelmed with this feeling of ease and excitement.  He's going to be home soon.  It helped that he was feeling better in more ways than one.  There was a good 15 minutes or so of just My Sir... My Jingles... I love you... I love you too...  over and over.  It was like I was sitting with my Sir and relaxed, and this feeling of comfort and ease because soon enough he will be home.  It was something I know I needed.

I got several errands completed today.  I have to go back to the DMV tomorrow... I didn't grab my clearance sheet on the taxes, so I had everything else ready for them today.  I have to go back, get a temp registration, go take it to get the emissions done and then hope that it will pass, and then once thats done I can go get a permanent registration.  If it doesn't pass I'm not sure what I can do myself to get it fixed.  However, I am not going to worry about it until I get to that bridge.

I have a week, I want to get everything said, done and ready to go by monday- Then I have everything, laid back, relaxed, so that I can sail into wednesday and not have to worry about anything.

Time for me to do a little reading and then hit they hay.  Here's hoping I hear from my Sir tonight.

♥Always♥
Your wench

I'm putting this into my journal and only briefly...

I feel kinda I can't find the right word, but on the lines of ignored tonight.  My Sir was busy looking up car parts with his mechanic, and I was reading a book for a bit, but I was waiting around for when he was less busy.  However, my Sir logged out without saying goodnight, just *poof* I had tried sending a few messages but it was all... *poof* I kept staring at my messenger, like maybe he got kicked off and is coming back.  But not so much...


Its just something small- for him to say goodnight to me, that when its missed... sucks.

♥Always♥

What day of the week is the DMV not open?

Monday... thats right today.  I got the insurance cards, and then said, hmm let me see if its closer to go to old saybrook.  And it is, but its also CLOSED today.  So now tomorrow I will be marching my backside down to the DMV and getting the registration.   One step at a time lol.

I got another box of clothes in the mail today, I'm wondering how many there are and if there are more on their way.  I am more concerned with my Sir coming home, I've seen enough boxes, I want him. Today was a laid back day for me, my legs are still sore, It feels like I pulled a hamstring, and its not fun.  I got several little errands run, but that was about it.  I've still got my list, and I'm working on it.

I'm going to do a little reading until my Sir wakes up...

♥Always♥
Your wench

As we were leaving the space last night, I said... I hope my phone is in my bag in the trunk. " We should stop and check" "Nah I'm sure its there"

I get home... nope I left it in East Hartford, so this afternoon- time to drive  back and get my cell phone.  Those 12 hours without it were killer for me, but I made it.  I was worried about getting some sort of phone call or something that would  not be taken care of.  Long story short, have phone, and home in time for WnN sunday.

Right now I am talking to my Sir, so I am thrilled at the moment.   I'm going to focus on chatting with him but I wanted to journal before it was too late.

I love you my Sir! ♥


♥Always♥
Your Wench

Sore... sore... saturday

I expected that I would be sore today.  I knew I would.  It was my first day back at the gym after months of being off.  I could feel my muscles going," oh hell its been a while since I've done this, give me a minute... ooof!"  Now this morning they are screaming, "Ouch... don't make me move!"  Oh well it happens, Its the good kind of sore.  It's interesting to watch my muscles shake and twitch, and remember what they are supposed to do.  I enjoy this kind of sore, its the, you just had a workout, you're on the right track kind of sore.

In other news, I got the title for my Sir's new bronco this morning. :D I'm so excited, I've got just about everything in place.  As of Monday I should have all of that in place and ready to go for when he gets home.  I am beyond excited, once the 15th hits, I know I'm going to hit overdrive, becuase its that much closer to when my Sir will be home!

I'm writing this early, because I am going to the space tonight.  There is a Thanksgiving munch earlier in the evening before the play party.  Which is why I will be gone so early in the day.  I'll have my cell attached to my hand as always, but I wanted to make sure that I get this done.  It is my goal to hit nearly everyday for the remainder of the month.  I've missed only one day, and that all I want to miss.

♥Always♥
Your wench

I got a phone call from my Sir this morning.  He thinks he will be back later on in the month than we had anticipated.  I'm not as concerned, he is on his way home, it just increases my anxiety for when he finally is home.  It makes me want him home that much more.  I just want him home, and that band of steel around my neck.  I am even working on a way to get it so that I can hang my hammer from the collar.  I'm not sure I can go without wearing my hammer.  I've worn it for so long, It doesn't feel right without it. Its bad enough I lost my pentacle. *sigh*

I was sitting around the apartment this morning when I realized that a year ago, I started going tot he gym because I had wanted to better myself.  Also, I realized that I've not been to the gym in about 8 months, something I can't say I'm thrilled with.  So I am going back to the gym again.  I started today, 20 minutes on the treadmill, and lifted more weights.  I know that I am going to be sore tomorrow.  I am really proud of myself though.  I may not have been to the gym in a long time, but I am still mostly as flexible as I was when I stopped going.

Even better than that...

I ran for two minutes straight without having to stop.

This is a big thing for me.  It seems minute to some people but to me its a good thing.  I used to be barely able to make it through a minute of jogging.  Today I made it two minutes straights on a speed of 4, no stopping.  I made it through the first minute, and then I pushed myself, I wanted to get through that second minute.  Still breathing and not panting.  I was sooo excited.  I still am really excited.  I am hoping that on Monday when I go next, I'll make it 2 minutes, maybe 2.5 minute if not three.  I want to keep pushing myself maybe by the time my Sir gets home I can run a good 10 minutes straight.  thats how things happen.  One minute at a time.  I just have to keep pushing myself.

♥Always♥
your wench

I had a great day.  I spend the entire afternoon having lunch and talking with my friend barb.  It was a great way to pass the time.  I need to do this a lot more.  I am really excited I am continuing to surround myself with better and better people.

*grins*

Tonight I am off to the bar for a little bit of singing, and be there for tiffany's birthday.  It should be awfully interesting, I don't think I'm going to stay out too late.  Don't want to spend too much money, becuase I want to go out this weekend to the space for the munch.

♥Always♥
Your wench

I find it totally ironic that I get a phone call this morning telling me not to cancel the party, twelve hours after I had cancelled it.  We shall see what happens.

I am totally excited for when he gets home, I want him home today, I know it won't be today, but I can hope right?  This afternoon I got the AC out of the window and I cleaned out the living room closet (well for the most part), I set up the lego station in the living room.  His table is ready, with the storage containers, and his legos all set up and ready for when he gets home.

I am also thinking of the potential use of my Sir's camo bag that we can use as a toybag.  Of course its referred to as the "dead hooker bag".  Its big enough to carry near about anything, I figure it will carry everything we need, changes of clothes, my blanket, anything my Sir might want to use on me- floggers, ropes, spreader bars, canes... anything.

It's an option, going to see what he is thinking.  I am just really excited to have him home, and have him home soon.  It will be a little bit longer, but soon enough.  I am not counting, I swear, I'm still hoping to have my Sir home in a few weeks... at the latest.

♥Always♥
Your wench

Medical Stuff and me

Back in September I learned that I have Ovarian Cysts.  According to both the Dr's at the ER, and the primary physician that I saw I didn't have much to worry about for ovarian cancer.  It was a huge boulder of stress off my back.

I have scheduled follow up with my Doctor in December, to have my body looked at again and to get another ultrasound.  Part of me feels more relaxed about it because my Sir will be there with me when I go through it again to see what has happened with the cysts.

I wanted to write about this today because as usual today is the day that the pain takes me out of commission. I've spent all day with a heating pad over my midsection, sucking on pain killers.  It is not an easy thing to go through, for anyone at any time.

This is the first day in a while that I have literally sat around and done nothing.  I spent the majority of my day online, bored out of my mind because I didn't want to move.  What was worse was that I didn't want to sleep away the day again and toss my sleep schedule into the air again.  Instead I did a little bit of research, and now I have more informed questions to ask of my doctor when I go for my follow up.

According to 4 of the 5 websites I was looking at (all medical informative sites) having cysts that are not properly functioning, which seems to be me currently- hence all the pain-could be a reason as to why my Sir and I have been having difficulty getting pregnant.  When I saw my primary last time she told me that one of the things that could be done was putting me on birth control.  With my desire to be pregnant paramount, I can't take birth control.  But I did read about a hormone that I can take that will help any follicular cysts rupture and release an egg, which will not only help with reducing the pain from the cysts that I am experiencing now but that can also help me get pregnant.

There are other homeopathics things that are randomly suggested- castor oil, evening primrose oil, eating more dark green leafy vegetables, eating less red meat, blue cohosh, increasing intake of vitamin A C E... there are a lot of options that I can take but I need more information, and I need to talk about this with my Sir, see what he thinks, talk it over with my doctor, and see what we can work together on to help make this situation better.


Is it time for my Sir to be home yet?

♥Always♥
your wench

Mash up

Today's journal is a mash up of emotions.  This morning was difficult, waking up to hear my Sir's voice and hearing that it is going to be longer than I expected until he was home.  Not that I had expected him home overly soon, but when I hadn't heard from him for days, and the last thing he said was that he had to go," it was a good thing" I was so certain that he was on his way home.  But he's not...

I really REALLY dislike this whole hurry up and wait bullshit.  And it leaves me with a very sour, and upset bowl of emotions.

I went back to sleep, which can be a sign of my body going into a downswing again, but I wanted to nap, hoping to wake up on a better side of the bed.  It didn't work out quite so well, but I woke up to talk with Miko, she's having some difficult times, and there is little I can do, but I know she will get through it.

One thing she said that not only took me off guard but really upset me.  I've come a long way in this last year. there has been alot of work, and self reflection and pushing myself to new heights, breaking down walls, and getting myself back.  As my blog states from the get go, my goal was to rediscover the hidden harmony that I had kept  hidden behind all of those walls.

The last time that I had used this persons name in my journal I was accused of slandering her name in a public forum.  This is my journal so that my Sir can see and understand my thoughts.  I am not going to censor myself, because someone disagrees with my opinion.  To the person in question- if you have a problem with what I am about to write, I am sure you can find some way to get in touch with me.

There is a woman who feels that my rediscovery, and why I am doing so much better is because of "everything she has done for me." I find this an entire load of shit, and she can try and spoon feed it to anyone else but she will not get that past me or anyone close to me.  Yes she helped me start to look at thinks in a different view, and helped me on the path of thinking about things in a different light.   But she is NOT responsible for all of my changes.

In fact, she at one point had begun to make things worse, though at the time I hadn't realized it.  At a time when I should have been continuing to pull away from the computer and that ridiculous game known as Secondlife, she was helping to pull me into the game and away from  real life.  There wasn't a true focus on my husband, but opening my mind to havinga "second Master" in Second life who could take care of me.  Which while it may very well be a possibility for some people I've come to realize that it is not for me.

This realization came when I went to visit her.  The whole point of my trip down to see her and her house was to help me get better.  She had a higher priority to sitting on her computer and living there, and predominately ignoring me, unless she needed something done.  There were several things that were brought up that she was participating in that was doing nothing but irritate me and try to assert her "dominance" over me, because it seemed to be assumed that I was inferrior by some means.

If anything it was her partner, that made me realize that I needed to stop hiding from what I was afraid of, or just walk away from the situation.  That was NOT her.  It was someone else.  The rest of my time down there was spent with my bestie, someone who really took the time to get to know me, earn my trust, get close to me to really understand me and what I was going through.  She saw that I needed to get away from the world of electronics and remember that there is an entire world, the REAL world, out there... waiting for me, something that I could enjoy and be a part of again.  That was the BIGGEST  thing I needed to learn and it was certainly not from anyone else but her.

*end rant*

Long story short, don't claim to have helped me when you know full well that you didn't.  I have learned the difference between those who appreciate me, who are my real friends, and who is going to be here to support me.  As opposed to those who will try to use me, manipulate me and get something they want by walking all over me.  That is NO longer going to happen.  I have cut people out of my life for a reason, if you're one of them, stop trying to use me to your benefit.



♥Always♥
Your wench

I didn't get a chance to journal last night it slipped my mind.  I was at the bridal party until after 5, and didn't get home until 7, and then I made a little bit to eat, Melinda came over, and then we went to watch the karaoke contest at the other bar down the road.

The shower was a lot of fun, I oddly enjoyed myself. :D We played several games, and she was quite happy with all of the gifts that she received.  I had a great time with the table I sat with.  The not so great part of it was that Everyone at the party was talking about how awesome it was that Jenny knew when her fiancée was coming home.  That and everyone was wanting to know when my Sir was coming home, and I didn't know... I've not felt so awkward in a looooong time.  It certainly was not fun... but I tried to get past that...

Today, we had the time change last night.  This morning, and afternoon I spent the majority of the day starting some of the final cleaning projects before my Sir gets home.  Melinda tried dying her hair this evening and the bleach didn't work out so well.  Right now I have the usual gang over for "wine and needle" Sunday.

♥Always♥
your wench

Freaky...

At one point my Sir said that he would wait until he got home to meet and learn about  Freaky.  I think its important for me that I write about her in my journal.  Its meant to show my Sir how I feel and what I am thinking so that he has a better understanding of me for when he gets back from the distance between us. 

I am torn becuase I do NOT want this to be something that comes back and bites me in the ass becuase I choose to share it.  I know how easily text without inflection and emotion behind words can at times misconvey the appropriate thoughts and feelings behind the words.  Part of me is worried that He will read this, and it could be taken the wrong way, and it will cause issues for us. That he will read something in this that isn't there.  That is what I do not want  have to have happen here, especially on this entry. I can only hope that he will come to me if he has any concerns about what I've written.


Sir had always said that I could do whatever I wanted as long as it was with a woman.  After I had met Melinda, initially it was nothing more than causal flirting, but I took the step to double check with my Sir to find out if he had been serious about me doing something with a woman.  To my utter disbelief that night, he was serious, and he laid down some conditions for what he was comfortable with.  I was shocked to say the least, but one thing has stayed true from that conversation until now.  Spending time and being with Melinda is not going to take me away from my Sir. 

I've made my share of mistakes before, getting too close to people who "had good intentions" however this time, I feel the most safe with her.  Melinda is polyamorous, it is something that I am learning about, but with her, I know that she isn't considering a way to take me away from my Husband in the back of her mind.  If anything, she has done everything possible to ensure that my Husband is involved in nearly everything that we have done.  From ensuring that we have pictures for him to see of what we have done, to making certain that I have my Sir's blanket during aftercare, and sometimes tickling me when he can't be here to do it.  She knows that He is my first priority, and will be. 

Melinda and I talk about everything.  Before the first time we "scened" together or even tried something new, I explinaed to her what happened the only other time that I had done something either a in public or b with someone other than my Sir.  She has never done anything but ensure that I am comfortable.  She is rather protective of me, especially when we are at the Space.  Anyone that I am a little leary of, or that she doesn't trust, doesn't get near me. 

Despite the fact that at the beginning I had carte blanche to do what I wanted, it still took me nearly three weeks before I could kiss her.  I wasn't quite ready for it yet, things remained at a very causual flirtation, and snuggle level.  That was where things stayed, because that is where I was comfortable.

But now I am comfortable to say this-  I have never felt attracted to a woman they way I am to Melinda.  She's just amazing, she's a best friend, confidant, snuggler, partner in crime, sadist, and then some.  There are things that I want to do with her, that my Sir isn't comfortable with, and for that reason, it hasn't been nor will it happen unless He is okay with it.  Melinda and I are very close, as it was put the other night  she is "emotionally invested." I trust her, with the most inportant thing to us, to my Sir... I trust her with me.   She's proven on several occasions that I can, 

We had a conversation two nights ago, about what may or may not change when my Sir gets home.  He's said often that he does not like to share, and has no intentions of sharing me with anyone.  At the same time I don't want to get stuck between two dominant personalities.  We both understand that my Sir comes first, and always will, but the concern that my Sir may feel threatened and not want me to see her any more is still valid.  Melinda is poly, my Sir and I are not.  we're, as she put it, "semi-monogamous."  I have rules and restrictions as far as what I can and cannot do.  I respect that, and She respects our relationship as well. 

When my Sir gets home I don't want to have to stop seeing Melinda, I want to be able to still hang out with her and play with her. I am hoping that once my Sir has met Her, he will share me a little bit, a teensy bit with Melinda.  It has been said and agreed to that if he says that we have to stop seeing each other then we will...

I can't figure out how to get it from my head through my fingers and coherently into my journal so that my Sir will understand it when he reads it.  That how I feel about Melinda does not conflict how I feel about my Sir. That no matter how I feel about her, it is not going to change how badly I want him home, and to be back in his arms.  Despite the fact that I find solace and comfort snuggled in her arms does not take away from how strongly I need my Sir.   

Soon my Sir will be home and he will see that my words are true...

♥Always♥
Your wench

It rained alot today, that cold kind of rain that makes a perfect day to snuggle under the blankets, snuggle, , curl up with some hot cocoa and relax.  I spent a fairly good amount of time with my blanket in the chair this morning.  I wasn't about to lugg my laundry out into the rain to go get it cleaned so its all together to go do it tomorrow. 

my Sir called this afternoon, it was right around noon.  He had some things to do today, and it seems he went to bed pretty early.  He had a rought day again, it worries me a little but I know that together he and I can get through all of this.

And now my bad news...

I got a letter in the mail, Maxx turned me down for a job.  *sighs* damn.  I did call the other job I applied for, and the manager said he didn't need to bring me in for another interview, but appreciated that I did call him this week.  He said he would be calling next week *fingers crossed* I am trying to stay positive but the lady who moved int A building with the blind dog was jobless for a bit, and she's having the same trouble I did, subway, dunkin and cumby's none of them willing to hire.  

One day at a time- but I have to be thankful that I have my Sir, to take care of me.  It means I need to focus on taking care of him when he gets home.  I can't wait until he is home...

I am going out for dinner tonight with Bitey, Ben and Freaky.  Ben's parent's have been up in arms about them having been eloped.  So they wanted to meet up with us for some "cheap drinks".  Freaky and I are heading up for some dinenr before then.  Tonight is my one night out this week. 

I did get everything together for the bridal shower on saturday- even the fingersandwich I need to make.  I'm going to make some pumpernickle bread with a little bit of mustard, proscuitto, baby spinach and a little bit of parmesan.   Hopefully it will come out pretty good, I'm going to test it tomorrow.

I love you my Sir, and I miss you so much.  But its november and you'll be home soon enough. 

♥Always♥
Your wench

Wednesday...

Last night I stayed up a little bit late to finish the book I'm not allowed to talk about.  So I can't, so pretend that the next blank space is filled in with information about how much I enjoyed the book...







I got a few errands done, bought groceries, did a little bit of cleaning, and then tonight had dinner and hung out with Freaky at the house.  Its been a good few days actually, getting to talk with my Sir despite his internet card being gone.  I think its mostly becuase I know that its November and that my Sir will be home soon. 

What can I say, I'm a bit narrow visioned at the moment.

♥Always♥
Your wench

Bookworm

Today has been relatively low key, I've been trying to keep myself balanced. I've spent the majority of the day reading a book, that I'm nto allowed to talk about so I won't.....


So I'm keeping this short, cause I'm talking with my Sir...

♥Always♥
Your wench

Monday, Monday...

Today has been a really good day.  I feel a little like I should recap the weekend, but I'm not sure which to do first. 

Saturday was the wedding day- Freaky and I went up early, and got  ready calmly, slowly, and RELAXED.  we took our time, waiting for The wedding couple to arrive so that we could do hair/make-up/ set up and other stuff.  There some minor snags in the plan and it took a while before the couple arrived but they did, and they were STRESSED.  We wanted to have time to celebrate Freaky's birthday (that was friday) before all the wedding chaos really began.  I lay back on the table and I was given 13 needles on each side and one between my breasts.  For laughs I was "frosted" as the cake, comeplete with sprinkles.  In the needles, we added 12 candles for her birthday.  A group had gathered to watch and they dang happy birthday to her.  I did learn one thing- birthday candle wax is HOT as FUCK. 

Then it came time for the wedding.  As of that evening I was the leaf girl.  I was dropping leaves on the red carpet from my corset.  It was fun, and then suddenly the wedding/collaring was over and the stress melted... suddenly relaxation eased its way in, and we all went home with no breakfast. 

Sunday came with alot of mixed emotions, things did not go as planned, and I was not set in a good mood for a while.  things did get better before my Sir had to go.  That evening ( late afternoon) Freaky and her footstool came over.  We watched some TV, relaxed, and they helped keep me company.  It was very low key and laid back.  We talked a little bit but not about too much.  Freaky spent the night, because my eyes kinda hurt last night, so she stayed over and I would drive her back in the morning.  One of the things that Freaky and I talked about was that I take things way too close to heart, and that I need to thicken my skin a bit, and be able to handle my Sir's disappointment without getting that upset.   That has been something I have been trying to think about, but today was a bit busy.

I was supposed to meet up with someone for a tutoring session this morning, but after I woke up at 7, I got a call asking to meet later.  So instead I made pancakes for breakfast and watched Golden girls with Freaky.  It was a good little trip.  I brought Freaky back to her car, and she headed off to work and I went to see my mother since I was up that way to see how she was.  Mom is more... "mom" than ever, its just getting worse.  I really wonder how neurotic I might be, from the outside looking in.  *hides* gah, not going there.  Then I had a 2.5 hour tutoring session.  My only concern is that she met with me today for a test tomorrow.  And it was all cramming... I hope she does well.  She just needs more time to play with the formulas know how to work with them, etc.  *crosses my fingers*

Then it was time to go get my Sir's new Bronco.  I have a signed payment agreement/ contract for the vehicle.  The best part- it is sitting in the parking lot waiting for him to get home. :-) Then I ran to the store to grab a few items I needed from the store until I could get to the base store tomorrow. 

my Sir said yesterday not to worry about the money.  Rather I think he meant for me not to STRESS about the money.  I do still need to worry so that I am not needlessly spending, or not taking care of what needs to be done.  I think thats something that my Sir can agree is necessary without me overdoing it.  At least I hope so. 

The new book came in, and I've had a problem with putting it down >.< Its really good, At least if I have it read before he gets home then he has all the time he wants to read it without me pestering him to find out when he's done.

Speaking of the book...

♥Always♥
Your wench