Freaky...

At one point my Sir said that he would wait until he got home to meet and learn about  Freaky.  I think its important for me that I write about her in my journal.  Its meant to show my Sir how I feel and what I am thinking so that he has a better understanding of me for when he gets back from the distance between us. 

I am torn becuase I do NOT want this to be something that comes back and bites me in the ass becuase I choose to share it.  I know how easily text without inflection and emotion behind words can at times misconvey the appropriate thoughts and feelings behind the words.  Part of me is worried that He will read this, and it could be taken the wrong way, and it will cause issues for us. That he will read something in this that isn't there.  That is what I do not want  have to have happen here, especially on this entry. I can only hope that he will come to me if he has any concerns about what I've written.


Sir had always said that I could do whatever I wanted as long as it was with a woman.  After I had met Melinda, initially it was nothing more than causal flirting, but I took the step to double check with my Sir to find out if he had been serious about me doing something with a woman.  To my utter disbelief that night, he was serious, and he laid down some conditions for what he was comfortable with.  I was shocked to say the least, but one thing has stayed true from that conversation until now.  Spending time and being with Melinda is not going to take me away from my Sir. 

I've made my share of mistakes before, getting too close to people who "had good intentions" however this time, I feel the most safe with her.  Melinda is polyamorous, it is something that I am learning about, but with her, I know that she isn't considering a way to take me away from my Husband in the back of her mind.  If anything, she has done everything possible to ensure that my Husband is involved in nearly everything that we have done.  From ensuring that we have pictures for him to see of what we have done, to making certain that I have my Sir's blanket during aftercare, and sometimes tickling me when he can't be here to do it.  She knows that He is my first priority, and will be. 

Melinda and I talk about everything.  Before the first time we "scened" together or even tried something new, I explinaed to her what happened the only other time that I had done something either a in public or b with someone other than my Sir.  She has never done anything but ensure that I am comfortable.  She is rather protective of me, especially when we are at the Space.  Anyone that I am a little leary of, or that she doesn't trust, doesn't get near me. 

Despite the fact that at the beginning I had carte blanche to do what I wanted, it still took me nearly three weeks before I could kiss her.  I wasn't quite ready for it yet, things remained at a very causual flirtation, and snuggle level.  That was where things stayed, because that is where I was comfortable.

But now I am comfortable to say this-  I have never felt attracted to a woman they way I am to Melinda.  She's just amazing, she's a best friend, confidant, snuggler, partner in crime, sadist, and then some.  There are things that I want to do with her, that my Sir isn't comfortable with, and for that reason, it hasn't been nor will it happen unless He is okay with it.  Melinda and I are very close, as it was put the other night  she is "emotionally invested." I trust her, with the most inportant thing to us, to my Sir... I trust her with me.   She's proven on several occasions that I can, 

We had a conversation two nights ago, about what may or may not change when my Sir gets home.  He's said often that he does not like to share, and has no intentions of sharing me with anyone.  At the same time I don't want to get stuck between two dominant personalities.  We both understand that my Sir comes first, and always will, but the concern that my Sir may feel threatened and not want me to see her any more is still valid.  Melinda is poly, my Sir and I are not.  we're, as she put it, "semi-monogamous."  I have rules and restrictions as far as what I can and cannot do.  I respect that, and She respects our relationship as well. 

When my Sir gets home I don't want to have to stop seeing Melinda, I want to be able to still hang out with her and play with her. I am hoping that once my Sir has met Her, he will share me a little bit, a teensy bit with Melinda.  It has been said and agreed to that if he says that we have to stop seeing each other then we will...

I can't figure out how to get it from my head through my fingers and coherently into my journal so that my Sir will understand it when he reads it.  That how I feel about Melinda does not conflict how I feel about my Sir. That no matter how I feel about her, it is not going to change how badly I want him home, and to be back in his arms.  Despite the fact that I find solace and comfort snuggled in her arms does not take away from how strongly I need my Sir.   

Soon my Sir will be home and he will see that my words are true...

♥Always♥
Your wench