There is the good, and the bad

I have finished the first 14 books by John Norman.  I have recently found that these books have been both good and bad for me, and it was tonight that I realized how much of each I am getting. It is helping me see things differently, and what I want, what I need, and that its not a bad thing to be who I am.  But at the same time I have moments like last night.  And I can't say much about it, he gave me an order and followed it.  Even though it bothered me and I didn't want to I still went to sleep or tried to. 

What my Sir doesn't know until he reads this is that I was upset.  I didn't want to sleep I wanted time to sit and chat with him, even if its only over webcams.  And being told that I had to go to sleep really stung for some reason.  I didn't want to, not at all.  So I put my cuffs on to go to sleep and tried to lay down.  I starting crying against the pillow.  Then I tried to lay at the foot of the bed, as if I was kept there at his feet to sleep.  that didn't help much either.  It made me wish for chians, so that I could struggle and not be able to move.  but it didn't matter,chains or not, I was to go to sleep, depsite how badly I didn't want to.  That I just wanted to lay there and talk with my Sir.  Thats when he saw where I was laying. He was pleased to see me at the foot of his bed, but it only made it worse.  I wanted him, I needed him...

I needed my Owner, I needed his touch.  And even though I couldn't get it physically, I just wanted to be there in some sense but I was told otherwise.  As much as its about communication, I couldn't do the but but but but last night, becuase it was his order.  I suppose that this is exactly what my journal is meant for.  And that is why I am writing this now and praying that he reads it soon. 


In other news, I went and bought a test tonight.  I'd be due for it tomorrow, and I thought it would be nice to have one on hand.  I could technically test now but, I'm going to wait... patience is a virture and something that I am still working on.

I love you my Sir. 

♥Always
your wench

He is Master and I am Jingles.
He is Owner and I am owned.
He commands and I am to obey.
He is to be pleased, and I am to be pleasing.
Why is this?

Because He is my Sir and I am his wench.