I did it

A friend of mine has a quote on her myspace, that is totally evding me at the moment, but the quote is something to the effect of:


He took her to the edge, he told her to fly. She said she was scared, He pushed her and she flew...

I probably butchered that but I swear I did it with the best of intentions.

I've been brought to the same edge over and over. I've brought myself there, my Sir has brought me there, friends have tried to take me there but everytime it happened, I found some way around, avoided, or managed to escape.

I was determined that this time when I got to the edge I wasn't going to back away, I was going jump. It wasn't the easiest getting to the edge, oftentimes I can talk a big game and get myself there, and then I turn around at the last second. This time I walked to the edge, with my friends, and those that I have only recently met, standing behind me, supporting me as I made my way closer.

I had been given a push earlier, but it would still be up to me to actually jump. I had been pushed but I had an out. "Talk to me after you do it, then I might be proud." At first I had been upset- did he not believe me? why not... oh wait I've been here before and found a way out of it.

Not this time.

I arrived at the edge, anxious... a huge crowd nearby watching. More importantly, I had people there watching, waiting to see me jump, ready to jump after me if I started to fall sideways. Even more, there was a direct path, behind me, the door was being left blatantly open this time. I could easily just turn around and walk away.
Before when I was standing in front of myself to stop myself from going over the edge, from jumping. This time I was staring at myself blocking the direct path. I was giving myself no other option. I was jumping.



 I went to the Edge...


             I took a deep breath...


                              I took a flying leap over the edge....



                                                     I FLEW!

I have tested my confidence, and I have found myself in more control than I thought. I can go topless at a party filled with an insane amount of people. I can stand topless near three twigs in latex, and I'm comfortable. I am me, and I did it. And I'll do it again too :-)

I want to thank all of my friends who supported me through it.

*Bitey and Ben for encouraging me.
*Jacque for calling me C'est Magnifique!
*Bitter for walking past and givng me that grin of YAAAAAAY
*The random people at the dungeon that smiled, glanced or looked my way.
*My Sir for calling me on my shit, and making me realize how easily I try to slip away.
*Freaky for leaving the potential exit blatantly lit and exposed, and at the same time waiting there for me when I jumped.