Reflections

This weekend has provided a few instances of reflection and thought.

To start with this weekend was the first time since my Husband has returned that I have gone out, while he just stayed at home. At first it didn't seem right, if he was staying home, shouldn't I be at home with him? No, he told me to go out and have fun. So I did.

My Husband has also told me that he is not ready yet to resume play, in fact as much as to say that when he was home on leave, he shouldn't have played with me then. I had a short conversation with Bitters on the topic, and one with Dee- In both cases, and I agree it is a huge step, and an amazing fact that my Husband can admit that he isn't ready yet. I know Him, he may believe that his statement makes him look weak. "He should be able to beat me"

The other bit of conversation that hit me with thought provocation was that having Freaky in my life and in His, is not just beneficial, but incredibly helpful given the current circumstances. She was right, and I am incredibly thankful to have found her. As she was introduced, very politely and carefully as " my Toppy Sadist... ummm... She's my girlfriend" She is that and much more, that will have to wait until later to be explained. In that moment however, In my head I heard myself think,"How should I handle this"

This brings me to the demo that was held this weekend.

SHOULD

Who is going to say what you "should" do, or what is right for me? Or for my relationships? Or any of that. The class on protocols, etiquette and manners, was so much more than that for me. Yes I am a smart mouthed, pain in the ass sometimes, but I do maintain what I feel are appropriate lines of respect and courtesy. It has been a long time coming for me- I used to base how I dressed, acted, thought, and behaved based on those around me and what was perceived as the "popular, cool, or most acceptable" thing to do at the time.

But now I know one thing is incredibly true. You can tell me what I should do, or act, or say, or feel etc. I am going to do what is right for me, what makes me happy, what makes my life better. Even if it means that some people are going to look at me funny, that some people aren't going to understand that I am married and have an incredible girlfriend, that some people are going to be confused to all hell because- I'm me.

You don't have to understand it, or figure out why it makes you feel good, but that is the beauty of harmony. Its complex, you don't have to understand it, just feel it.

I'm harmony...

♥