My rules

I can't say that I know where to start with this so I am just going to give it a go.  My journal is meant for me to be able to write and communicate what I am feeling in hopes of two opens minds and without being judged.  This topic is a little touchy, so I am hoping that I am approaching it in the proper fashion that it will be seen as well as I am trying to present it. 

You asked me the other week how things were going with my rules, and I'm still not sure to be honest.  I'm doingbetter with my journal than I have in a very long time- That one is going well. Kneeling in general- both practicing them and kneeling before I eat, or drink has not gone very well.  It started out well, but I will admit that I stopped.  It makes me miss you alot, and it has upset me more than anything.  FOr me its one of those things that I need you here for.  I know its not supposed to make me feel this way, but it jsut reinforces the fact that I'm alone and that I miss you. 

I am sleeping better, for the most part.  And you'll be glad to know that the slut has been relatively contained- at least as far as my rules go.  I'm not inthe mood to play everyday ( even before I got sick) So its not often that I play anwya but I have not gone over my limit of 7 a week.  I'm lucky if I play more than twice a week, maybe 3 on a good week.  I mean I have been fantasizing about several things, but they all involve you being here or able to watch me.  Both of which are not feasible right now. 

I should have spoken to you about the changes that I made to the rules you set out, but I wanted to work through them, however I've found more so that I've let them go by the wayside as opposed to trying them any longer.  At this pointI am not sur what my next step should be.  Do I revert to rule two and pull out the whip? Do I wait to hear what you have to say regarding the matter? Do I try to get back into the swing with them and see if they stop upsetting me so much?

Please help me Sir... what do you wish of me?