I think my complacency in writing my journal is entirely linked to how I am feeling elsewhere.  Not only do I not know what to write in my journal, but I don't really know what to do with myself during the day.  I don't have a goal in mind, ecept to make it through with relative sanity to next year when my Sir comes home.  I haven't put any short term goals together past the party I had on Tuesday. 

Maybe its disconnected- I feel like im kinda flaoting through the days.  I get my short lists done, but I have no set routine, shcedule or group of activities to do.  I haven't even gone to the gym yet since before Christmas.  And as far as eating properly I'm not entirely doing that either.  Its not that I'm eating terribly, Its just that I'm not eating  in any sort of set program.  I'll eat a meal maybe two... snack on some almonds here, some cheese there... maybesome carrots and thats been about it.

This isn't something thats being done consciously on purpose.  Its jsut happened that way, I don't feel like setting myself down and having a square meal three times a day.  At this point im not sleeping well either, I keep falling asleep later and later, and toss and turn through the night.  I thought if I made the bed more comfy it might help but it doesn't really... I end up pulling out my sudoku book and having a go.  Its not a concious thought of okay im not going to take care of myself.  I'm just not thinking of it in those terms, I send out my resumes for what I see in the paper, I make sure the dog is going out, but the last few days I've been sitting around and watching dexter, or television... but nothing really has pushed me in any direction.
I know this isn't monotony, and I spoke with one of my friends last evening.  Her soldier is deployed too- She thinks I have cabin fever.  So maybe getting out would be a good thing- but I don't want to get out jsut to go sit at someone else's house and watch TV, or somesuch.  I want to feel productive- like I'm working toward something... or on something. I just haven't really put it together as to what I want to do, or what it is I want to accomplish. 

Well I was reading back through my journal and I did find one thing that sounds interesting- putting together a cook book of sorts. Maybe that will be my first project. Putting together a cook book of recipies I like/want to try... without having to buy a cookbook with all different things that I have no idea how to make.  I'll have to look into it. 

Until then- Its back to complacency... *sighs* Need to break from the funk... Damn I need a job that I like, something I want to do... not just... " Lets go stand up and be a cashier for 8 hours a day." Maybe I'll apply for that bookkeeping job... Its a stretch, but you have to take risks right?