Over the last few days I've been lucky enough to recieve several phonecalls from my Sir. Mind you the first few of these were- here's my address... I need this, buy these and have them sent to me. But Yesterday I got one of those," Hi... I miss you... I love you... talk to me.." Kind of calls. the kind of phone call that leaves a little bit of time to discuss random topics, what I've been doing and all that sort of thing. It was nice to jsut have a few minutes to offer some random chatt and banter, to her him laugh and to smile back. ITs a great feeling to hear a real voice of psuedo calm as opposed to stress and hurried tones.
I haven't been feeling as productive as I could be. And I know its more of my semi-depressive state, but I'm pushing through it. And I know tht right now its due in prt to the fact that my favorite time of the month has hit, and for the majority of the day I have been sitting with a heating pad on my belly. Its not a good feeling, and its not exactly the best of news in general, that for some reason now two days a month I am feeling like my insides are being pulled through my belly button. And yes, when I go to the docotor it will be the first item of business, I've just got two more months to get through until my checkup.
Tonight I did something I wasn't quite expecting. As many have noticed, over the last several months SL had lost and in many ways still has lost its appeal to me. I'm not the same person that logged in a year and a half ago. I am a stronger person and as my Sir and I put it, getting back to normal. And a good protion of this change I have to attribute to the new group of people I had begun to spend time with. This group is hard to put into words... but here goes, diverse, responsible, hillarious, amazing, fun and... family. With the guiding hand of Sensei I have redisocvered bits of me that I wasn't paying attention to. And I'm standing stronger on my own two feet without feeling like I will fall over if a feather falls on the wind against me. The Ryuoshu and I have recently begun to spend some more time together- he flusteres me, inspires me, encourages me, makes me think, question, and laugh (sometimes all in one shot.) Dread, is like the big brother that leaves himself open to poke at and push buttons, several are like my sibilings, some are shopper freaks, sale-discoverers, builders, clothing deigners, comedians, theoretical discussers... I could go on forever.
Tonight I offocially became a member of the Ichizoku Seikiji. And I couldn't be happier to be an offocial part of this group of amazing people. I know that I have surrounded myself with a good group of people that will help me stay... relatively sane over the coming months while my Sir is gone. In the coming days I will more than likely write a bit more, but sleep is calling my name pretty loudly.
always and sleepy-
harmony
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