Long time no see

Once again I have fallen into the same trap that I always do - neglecting my journal.  And once again for the same reasons, that I have no idea what to write most of the time.  Its still one of the more difficult things for me to piece together.  What I should put down, unless there is something that I am focused on writing down or feel the utter need to put something down.  At this point it has been 10 days since I have put anything in here. 

It is a strange mix, it feels like so much has happened and yet not a whole lot all at the same time.  I've still not been able to nail down a job, but I have been keeping up with thing in the house, keeping the bills arranged, and taking care of past debts.  My little sister, who is in boot camp has been momentarily stalled on Medical hold. I did however learn today that she goes to see the cardiologist on friday of next week.  So hopefully then they will know whether or not she may finish.  I have been going out every so often to be around others so I am not totally a hermit, or a recluse as one of my dear "friends" called me. 

Last night was quite possibly one of the roughests night I have had.  If for the only sake that at one point, I began crying becuase I was afraid that I might have to possibly handle being alone if things did not go well with the puppy.  (By now I am sure that Sir will red this after I have already spoken with him about it but on the offchance).  Last night mydog was yelping at every step to go outside to the bathroom, and refused to walk or move, or be on his feet.  When I tried to pick him up to carry him up the stairs- to help alleviate his potential pain- he continued to yelp and whine in pain. So it was all that I could do to call the emergency vet center and take him down to be examined.  Several hundred dollars later- He doens't have lyme disease, and his blood came back healthy- However he has either a slipped disc in his back or a pulled muscle.  I am hoping beyond all things that it is just a pulled muscle. 

Sir once told me that I need to be writing about how I feel, so that while he is gone he can see it and understand how I am feeling.  However of all things, And I know I have often said this in the past I am not sure how I feel exactly.  I know that I have pulled myself out of the semi-depressive state that I had been in.  I know that I am past that at this point.  I must admit that I did have a bit of a slide the other night, when I realize that I had disappointed Sir by not having his package out on saturday, further by not having a job yet, and hearing the less than pleasant news that soon the real fun of any loved one at home during a deployment begins. 

I myself am dealing with things in general much better than I had last time, and I can only hope that this continues.  I wish there was more time to speak with him now before he leaves, but there is so little opportunity for such trifle whims.  As much as I miss him it is harder still knowing that it is only beginning.  but as we said last time, " It is only a drop in the bucket" and a drop it will be.  Even more so a smaller drop than the last one, not by much, but still smaller.  I cannot wait for the next time that I will be in his arms, lie with him doing absolutely nothing, and rest my head aginast his leg. 

Enough babble for one night...  I have to play chauffer again in the morning.  I love that they didn't ask until 1:30am for a ride at 9:30. Goodnight and sweet dreams to those reading- I'll do my best to write again tomorrow... or at least once this weekend.

Always,

me