One for the record...

Two in one day.  It may never happen again...

This is supposed to be for how I am feeling, well here goes ready or not...

ITs been damn close to a week since I've spoken to you Sir.  I'm stressed otu and worried about the dog, money, my lack of finding a job, and in general jsut a little on the harried side.  To add to that over the last few days I've felt like someone ran over my head and forgot to leave a note.  Yes I have medicine, yes they are sort of helping but I still feel like a walking pile of unpleasantness.

I realize that you will not read this for quite a bit of time but you get to see it anyway. 

Sir the way you said things this afternoon was a total asshole move, and it really hurt.  THATS why I started to cry on the phone.  It never leaves my side, its attached to me for fear of missing out on a phone call.  And you know all too well how often the phone will not ring inside of the house, no matter where it is or who is calling.  So why on earth, knowing this fact would you not leave me a message? And then to add to that to phrase it the way you did on the phone: " Where were you the other day, why didn't you pick up the phone" "You called? The phone never rang?" " Well it did and it went to voice mail.  I jsut didn't feel like leaving a message so I called my mom instead."

It hurts that even though you know that the phone will do that that you didn't care enough to leave me the tiniest of messages.  Anything.  I miss you damnit, and even just a " hey baby tried to call guess the phone was acting up again" would have been nice.  I understand that you don't have a whole lot of time to talk when you do get a chance to use the phone.  Even a small message brightens my day, anything would have been nicer than how things came out on the phone this afternoon. 

please Sir, next time leave me something... You were quick to get off the phone on tuesday becuase I could tell you were angry with me becuase the package didn't get out on saturday.  But I've been sitting here all week wondering if you were still mad, or if you didn't get a chance to call, or if you were on your way elsewhere.  If you had time to call your mother, surely there were a few moments for me to leave a teensy mesage to let me know that you had at least called...

*takes a deep breath*

Always